How to Write British Speaking Characters

I've heard that it's a common misconception that all British people are polite. I've also seen some news footage of the aftermath of Brexit that confirmed this. I'm interested in learning more about Brexit. As others may or may not have noticed I have an extensive to-do list of things I'm interested in learning. Brexit is one of them. I remember J.K Rowling was tweeting about it and she was receiving trolling comments similar to what our celebrities receive in the states.

 

I imagine the Zeta Reticulans have their own stereotypes of us.

 

That's a difference along class that's obvious but for them to stand out as an accent, they have to be something you're not used to hearing. Different English people will differ on that based on what they've heard. While I know they're different ways of talking and I know they're accents, they don't sound like accents to me.

 

Well not the Zetas, but another silicone based species. I call them the Uldivarions, and they are situated at the opposite
end of the galaxy. They don't spend any length of time teasing other species, let alone little old humans.

 

This sounds like the British and American definition of the word "accent" are different.

 

My point is simply that when Prince Charles speaks, the fact that he has an accent doesn't register, same goes with London taxi drivers - even though they speak differently. It's like you don't hear the way they say things you just hear the words. But the Northern accent and the Liverpool and Scottish accents do come across as strong.

 

Cockney is the lower classes of London, famous for its rhyming slang.

Jason Statham is from Derbyshire, which is way further north.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derbyshire
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greater_London
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Merseyside

If you're looking for a Londoner, Benedict Cumberbatch and Alan Rickman were from a similar area, and the earlier was born in Hammersmith (and could do impressions of the latter).
I brought up Merseyside before, partially because my Alma Mater is there, and Liverpool is the home of the Beatles.
Another example (even if you hate what he does for a living) of yet another British accent is Jeremy Kyle, he's from Reading, which is west of Greater London.
I'd say look up British actors and listen to their works, even if just a clip streaming somewhere, see if any of their accents resonate with your mental image of the character.

 

I know right? I guess it makes some sense, since you can get across most of the country in three hours. If they've managed not to make it out of Kent in that time then about all they can be driving is a herd of cows.

As with so many other things, the definitive guide was written by Douglas Adams.

You've clearly never been to Cornwall.

As noted, no-one understands tea. Or beer.

Cockney's definitely more a working-class thing, and very regional. I've lived in London for years and not met anyone who actually talks that way.

You could use a bit of mild swearing, I guess - things like 'bugger', 'bloody', 'bollocks'. They are used over here, and they seem to be American TV's go-to signal for BRITISH PERSON HERE, so I guess they're not used much over the pond?

Really, there IS a lot of variation in phrasing and colloquialisms, even locally. There was a thread a while back where @Tenderiser and me were arguing over the use of the word 'boys' when referring to a group of men. I do that, and hear it frequently from other people - I thought it was pretty common. She'd never come across it before and thought it was bizarre. We both live in London, so at most we're like 20 miles away from each other.

 

That's not right. When Prince Charles speaks...say, on the radio?

'Tha state of moden architectcha is fwankly appawling.. blah blah...'

the response, in our houses and in our bungalows, to the most accented of royal parasites, grr grrr:

'What a cock,'

'Knob...'

'Camillia's on the gin/blob/money-laundering, heh heh, heh heh...' etc

...

Taxi drivers

'Immigrant, immigrants, I had one immigrant in the back, where you're sitting now mate, eating chappattis and shit, facking Polish Muslim Jew and Catholic stinking foreigners always eating in my facking taxi, and I facking love Malta, Milton Keynes Milton Keynes up the Arsenal all the way to Eltham blowing bubbles.'

...

Every English person is linked in the mind of the fellow English listener to a series of stereotypes, or prejudice - as soon as words are spoken, unconscious assumptions are made. Sometimes it is a good thing and fun. You can track people by region/class/education and be confounded by your ignorance. It is bread and butter stuff, and people do say 'Bob's your uncle,' why not? 'Tea' probably unites us. Other people can't make tea for some reason. Also I thought I deleted my last post, I shall complain to DANIEL forthwith.

 

@Nigel means 'North London.'

Yes, but she [the cat's mother] also says 'Cockwomble.' Nobody else in the world says cockwomble. Maybe a phrase from 'Real Housewives/ or Kardashian? I don't know...

 

Nigel is sahrf of the river, I'll 'ave you know.

But yes, still technically North. Since I come from Cornwall, 'the North' is properly defined as 'anywhere above Exeter', which causes some confusion when talking to people from Southampton.

 

Many of my people hail from Exeter. I believe there is something 'beyond,' don't know quite what it is: Dartmoor, beaches, aristocrats' property. Revolting pasties, frankly [by comparison.]

 

I have also been known to use 'cockwomble'. Mostly when talking about Nigel Farage to elderly relatives, who wouldn't appreciate my usual Malcolm Tucker tributes when I get on to the subject.

The English don't understand pasties.

 

I've used 'cockwomble' for at least a decade. I'm from Sahf London but I now live in the home counties and have tea with the vicar what what.

 

It's Malcolm is it?

 

I would definitely narrow it down to a region because, small as our island may be, the variations in accents and slang are enormous. As others have pointed out, clearly you don't need to overdo it, but throwing in the odd regional hint brings a lot of realism to the character.
Up north for example (the north of England), they use ´love´a lot as a form of endearment as in ´thanks love´´ whereas in the Midlands they will use ´pet´instead. I also remember my in laws in Yorkshire referring to immediate members of their family as ´our Joe or our Sue´, whereas if you weren´t a blood relation, you weren't entitled to the 'our' pronoun under any circumstances. I did however manage to secure it by mutual consent, but it was strictly honorary.

 

It fucking is.

 

Sorry, but you're not quite right. For the Canadian stereotype, the idea of an "unnecessary apology" is an oxymoron. All apologies are necessary.

(Sorry 'bout that.)

 

OP, you could just compile a list of every post made by British writers on this site, and create a book using only those sentences.

I proffer: "Gawd blimey guv'nor, hold onto yer tit'fer when I tell ya this!"

 

Yes, there is. There's "BBC English"* which is RP softened with a hint of Estuary, and there's also the "British Army Accent" which is much the same as "BBC English". Fun to note, that the U.S. Armed Services also have their own American version of the Army Accent.

*BTW, for those Brits who get frustrated when Americans say "British Accent" as though it were a singular, homogeneous thing, this smoothed out plummy accent you lot use in films that are intended for overseas consumption is the reason for that. It's okay, though. We do the same thing in our films and TV, so you over there end up getting an incorrect impression of the way we speak over here. And just like your media, in our media, even when regional accents are present, they are usually voice-coached into a tamer, faux version that can be more readily consumed by the masses.

 

Our TV sometimes includes subtitles for Glaswegians, so we can't get too uppity about that @Wreybies...

 

Hahahaha

 

A bit off topic, and I think I've mentioned this before, but I love the way your culture happily includes accents as a perfectly good reason to take the piss out of one another.

(Also, I'm slightly in love with Russell Howard)

 

Yes, we know about Russell.

Next, you go find the vernaculars of the island dots scattered cross the Atlantic - where they speak proper 18c pirate, like American.

 

Over in America, he's a nonentity. His work is too colored with the kind of language that the American Censor Network thinks will literally kill good Americans upon hearing it, and it's not the kind of thing HBO is going to pick up, so...