I don't know what else to do but post this:

Okkkaay. It's a a weird context to say that without introducing opening lines as the relevant subject.

 

This is a writing forum. Everything we say should be in the context of good or bad writing.

 

At least you write with emotion and boldness. That's a skill not many people have. I probably wouldn't write this shit on a forum even if I felt it. So if your life is sucking continue expressing those feelings. Write a story that has characters with similar problems and you know it will come across as real. Maybe this is a weird perspective, but I don't think the people who do best in life are the smartest or even the most talented. The people who do well are the ones who effectively turn their weaknesses into strengths. If your weakness is feeling more pain than anyone else you should write about it. Then the emotion behind your words becomes a strength instead of a weakness. I'm not saying everything will be okay or you'll be happy, just that your hand in life may not be as terrible as it seems.

 

If you're 24 years old, male, and still a virgin (and don't want to be), you should (legally) hire a call girl.

 

Meh, I'd do it illegally because then you don't have to pay them. What can they do? Complain to the cops about you not paying them for sex? Also, if you don't pay a prostitute, was there actually a crime committed by you? Both parties agreed, no money was exchanged, what's wrong with that? If the prostitute calls her pimp, call the cops. Remember kids, its not a crime if you don't pay.

I like that "legally" is where you decide to draw the line on being a smartass.

ILaughattrailers: I'm feeling down. Girls don't like me.

You: That's okay, just hire a prostitute, but make sure you do it legally!!!

If you are going all in, actually go all in.

 

[QUOTE="HelloImRex, post: 1428133, member: 64313"I like that "legally" is where you decide to draw the line on being a smartass. If you are going all in, actually go all in.[/QUOTE]

SAVAGE!!

 

I wasn't being a smartass. The touch of a woman-any touch of a woman- will free you from your crippling illusions about the opposite sex. With that being said, I do not condone the exploitation of the lower class, nor the breaking of any laws.

 

Where the hell can I get a call girl?

And in what way will my crippling illusions about women be lifted?

 

Don't do that. Just talk to someone about dating. Get experienced advice. I think your conditions are probably also a big factor. I expect you come of as troubled, and that scares people off. So I'd deal with your issues as much as possible.

 

This leaves me feeling hopeless.

 

Everyone has issues of some kind or another. Don't think you can't deal with them because they're there. The world isn't perfect. Half or more of achieving is risk, consequences and weakness management. You can deal with stuff if you figure out the right strategies. And some people will have less of an issue than others, if they're very accepting or have their own issues of a similar kind or just really like you and will get over it.

 

I don't even know what the issues are. I've been to like eight therapists.

 

That's worrying. Didn't you mention some diagnoses before? Doesn't that tell you what the issues are? I really think you should use the mental health support thread. There's a bunch of people there who will understand and have great recommendations. Personal experience is a powerful aid, and the only conditions I have are ADHD and Aspergers which aren't the same sort of conditions are all this depression and anxiety and crap that's more on the illness side of things.

 

Yeah, bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder, and I'm seeing like three different mental health professionals right now regularly, and have been on lamictal for like two months, but I feel like time is just running out because I'm 24, a prime age, and everything is just passing me by and even though I try to be nice and appear to be happy, people just don't like me, girls don't like me, and it's all just very disheartening and the rejection just builds until I have no self-confidence left, like a dangerous cycle. I feel if in another few years I still haven't done anything with my life, like getting my degree, finishing my book, or getting a girlfriend or a group of friends, that I'm seriously just going to kill myself, because I wouldn't wish this life on my worst enemy. I don't understand how people can be happy. I can't imagine putting on that dumb face all happy people make, that direct eye-contact, opening yourself up in that way with no fear of rejection. It's scary. I can do it but I would just have to be totally carefree of what their reaction would be and maybe then people would like me? Because then I could show I have humility and that would be comforting to people I guess? I don't know.

Maybe I should stick to smoking pot regularly? I tried sativa like six weeks ago, the really good stuff from a dispensary, and pot before usually made me paranoid and on edge, because apparently before it was really bad pot from some kid's basement, but this pot made me actually happy for the first time in awhile with no adverse side effects. It was uncanny. Like I felt normal for the first time and wasn't afraid of expressing my thoughts in my own way and they weren't just "high" thoughts like some nut, they were just me talking and I was like smiling when going to sleep. Then I didn't smoke again since then (I still have some next to me) and I kind of miss being that happy but am afraid I'll get addicted to that feeling (happiness, hahaha). I don't know. It's just a thought.

 

Stop making me want to hug you. I can't.
I think you need to remind yourself of what's good in your life, like someone said a bit before. Here; listen to this funny and highly relevant song:
.
Your life is still kind of good relatively considering how much suffering there is out there. Hang in there.

 

I wouldn't recommend smoking weed or getting drunk while on prescribed medication. It's not even that I don't recommend smoking weed, I personally don't smoke because I came to the conclusion it wasn't beneficial for me, but that's not the point. Just smoking while on medication for depression and bipolar disorder can cause some weird mood swings that could possibly be dangerous. Also, just the idea of self-medicating while having others medicate you at the same time is redundant. Do one or the other.

 

I just need to kill myself. I can't keep going on like this. It's not going to work out for me. I've seen it happen too many times. No one ever comes back from this. What's gonna happen? What's my best case scenario here? I get the girl of my dreams? My book gets published and I become some bestseller? No. I idealize women and build these big fantasies in my head that I can get the really hot chick when it's never going to happen. My book, my series? That's such bullshit. You know how many fucking books there are? This is my life. School? Okay, a finance degree. Woop-de-doo. Now I can sit at a desk all day doing something I hate. I can't major in English, I can't major in Philosophy. I would hate working with money and it wouldn't even be stocks, it would just be.. I don't know even know anything about this degree I'm just doing it because it's the quickest and would be the least expensive on top of the already bunch of debt that I have. No girl, no book, no degree. Apparently there is nothing wrong with me as I have been told many times except these disorders that I'm putting in psychologists' heads to convince them that I have it just so I can say, I have this and this for why my life sucks. But it's not true, I'm just stupid, I'm just a nerd. It's not going to work out for me. I'm twenty four. I've never even touched a girl. I've never looked into anyone's eyes and felt them emotionally. It's like I'm a sociopath or something. I want to die. These stupid lamictal pills I don't even feel anything and I should be by now. I just want to die. These past few days I've just been watching online poker with isildur1 playing and listening to music. Yeah I could go to the gym or some bullshit or do something with my life like so many of you would suggest but I wouldn't have a good time doing it. What? I'll meet someone? That's such bullshit. It doesn't happen to me. They talk to me at first but then they look at me or something while I'm talking and it's like something clicks in their brains that says don't trust this person. I've seen it again and again and then I never talk to them, that's at work, school, everywhere I go and I think it's because I'm opinionated or something or the way I talk, I don't know. I've been told I think I'm cool but that I'm not. I've been told that people think I'm stupid when I'm not because of something I do which I can't remember at this moment. I just want to die. I can't even see that girl anymore. What? Message her on Facebook. Yeah, I've done that in the past. It never works, obviously. I should just talk to them in person first, obviously. Like I'd even have a chance anyway. I don't like many girls. It was just this one that I idealized and fantasized a lot about but never got the opportunity or something to talk to her but I swear there was something like she liked me too and she kept looking back at me or something but I didn't look back because I was too scared. I just want to die. What? There's plenty of fish in the sea? God, I just want to die every time I hear that. It's such bullshit. I think I've my stupid younger cousin. He thinks he's really cool too and does drugs and is now in juvenile detention at sixteen. I'm probably the same and he's so fucking stupid and delusional, never talks, and doesn't even know it but he thinks he's so cool lost in some stupid world of his. I'm the same fucking way, I hate that I might be, and it would explain my whole life because this cousin of mine is just repulsive and I think he knows it because that's why he drinks and does such hard drugs at his young age. I've never got into that but I know I'm so way. I just repulse people. That can be the only way. I'll never get this girl, and if I do get some girl it won't be her. It'll just be someone I settle for. God, I hate this. Why am I alive? I just want to go back into the nothing I came from. I'm just white-trash idiot who doesn't know it who is this delusional faggot that has some high opinion of himself but who's accomplished nothing. I just want to die. What's the fucking point of this? I don't see it. I don't deserve to be here. I just want to die. This is so fucking pointless. Looking at me fucking typing. I'm pathetic. Go die. No one will read this, no one will care, that girl won't care, I'm just doing this because I'm bored, because I have nothing else to do before I go to bed, I just wanted to get my thoughts out. This is so stupid. Here's a prayer to God (I don't believe in God anyway) hoping it will all work out but I know it won't. Hope and delusion is a dangerous thing.

 

Here's an interesting fact. The vast majority of people who jump to commit suicide but survive say they regretted it as soon as they jumped. Suicide is often an impulse decision. "No-one will care." I care and others have shown they care here too. You need to stop beating yourself up. Not everyone's life is instantly what they want, things go wrong. Whatever it is you have, you can't let it get to you like this. Once you get over these issues to whatever degree you do, you'll realize you have things to live for that you have, and things to aspire to to motivate and keep you interesting. You just need to look for them and appreciate them. And seriously, get help. I'm going to keep saying that. There are many things out there to help you. Beyond Blue, for example. is a major help service here in Australia that offers all kinds of assistance to dealing with depression and anxiety. Look out there; there are loads of these kinds of services. And there's a mental health support thread right here on this forum. So what if things don't solve anything immediately? So what if you still have problems right now? Giving up on everything will not solve the problem. It will hurt whoever there is in your life and certainly won't make you happy. You're 24. You still have a lot to look forward to. There's a point where what you're doing becomes whinging. Becomes attention-seeking. I'm not saying you're doing that, but you need to be wary this doesn't turn into that. Please just keep working on this. I believe you can do this. You can be free of this and you can do the things you want to do. They're all achievable.
Get out there and fix your problems. Ask for advice if you want it. Ask for intervention if you need it. But don't kill yourself.
With care, some random guy in Australia who still wants you to be happy.

 

@ILaughAtTrailers

Look.

I know given your disorders and such. It is much harder for you to see the more happy side of things. But your problems can be resolved with medication or therapy and your own willpower or positive thinking.

Some combination of them.

But dude you gotta stop beating yourself up so bad and you've got to stop jumping to such wild assumptions. I know it can be hard not to do that but you should perhaps seek help for what's causing that. I mean dude you're twenty four. There is no reason to be ashamed of not having all you wanted at such a young age. But hell I imagine when you get older and accomplish things you wanted you'll just end up wanting something else anyway in someway or another.

That's just in us as people in general.

Most of all when you're young.

Ya know? That hunger.

Also your cousin is sixteen XD. It is really terrible he's into all that bad stuff but he's quite a bit younger then you and at a very critical age (being sixteen can be quite difficult in its own). He might have deeper issues then you realize.

Also you've got to stop saying people don't care.

LOOK AROUND YOU! We don't even know you in person and we don't want you to die and we all came to help support you and such. A lot of people might care more then you think. I certainly care though and Oscar up above does to.

Hell, I'm sure everyone who has commented care and even some who haven't these thread.

 

As someone who's gone through a similar phase in his life, the way I got through it is different than most, but it might help. You are not a fuck up. You managed to get four jobs during a time when there's the highest rate of unemployment since the great depression. That already puts you ahead of most people. When it comes to writing the chances are none of us here will strike big, despite the levels of talent. Does that mean I'm going to stop trying, no because I only need one good one, and that's the truth with most of life. When it comes to jobs, you only need one you can tolerate. When it comes to women, you only need one to like you and one you like. And do you want to know what the good thing is? You've got until you die to do this, so suicide ruins the odds. You're doing a kick ass job so far, and while it may not feel like it, keep going.

 

You've been brainwashed, my friend. You've been brainwashed so badly that you see yourself as nothing. As a lonely boat swept across the ocean. As a victim of fate.
Who told you this? Was it the "doctors" who don't - and will not - cure you? They want you to keep coming because you bring them money.
Were it the pills which literally fucked up your brain? Remember - they are not designed to cure you. They are designed to keep you complacent and in a relatively stable state.
Was it somebody in your family? You claim it you're the way you are because of your mistakes - and only your own. But man, let me tell you something.
Your depression, your suicidal thoughts, your self-diagnosed Asperger, trust issues - it hits way too close home.
I've been through similar shit. I've thought that I am flawed. Defective. Like if my existence was a mistake.
I've been able to trace back to the origin of these thoughts. Once I did, I realized - it's not my fault.
I've got a sense that you have traced it back to the origin, too. You've even said it.

"I am the son of two idiots."

You wouldn't say such thing if you didn't hold a grudge against them. If they were as perfect as every parent portrays himself or herself to be.

It's not your fault you are the person you are. You've simply been brainwashed.
It's not easy to put oneself back on track, to return to the normal state, but it is possible.

For a starter, look for somebody who will teach you to be a man. Your father clearly failed to deliver on that one.
Once you'll find someone to model yourself after (it may be a blogger who knows what he's talking about, for example, or anyone who has shared his view on life at some point), you'll be well on your journey to defy those who have wronged you.

Peace, boy.

 

Little thing: I don't like the way you've been using the word faggot. I don't normally care much about that word, I use it myself ironically, but the way you're using it makes it a general insult for weakness and stuff. Ot is a hate use, even if you don't mean it. Please don't. It's easy to pick a better word for what you say with it.

 

Now you're getting all conspiracist about the medical system. Doctors are people too. And many of them are decent people. Some are are bound to be really nice. Don't blame this on them. I like the other stuff you said though.

 

Get more therapy mate. Please. Keep trying. Professionals are, you know, professionals.

 

Get more therapy mate. Please. Keep trying. Professionals are, you know, professionals.