I say again: Forget the vocabulary and start writing. And forget being the best. When I read, I don't read the "best" writers, I read the writers who are pretty good and who have thoughts that interest me. The world doesn't only have room for one and only one "best" writer, it has room for thousands, tens of thousands, more, "pretty good" writers. And you're not going to achieve "pretty good" until you start writing. And you're not going to express your thoughts until, again, you start writing. And for that matter, you're not going to really absorb all those vocabulary words until you start writing. I understand that perfectionism can be absolutely crippling. Perfectionism has kept my mother from even attempting to pursue most of her life goals, and it's starting to keep her from simply living her life - she has trouble even cleaning her house because she's so afraid of doing it imperfectly. But you can't beat perfectionism by continuing to pursue perfection - that just feeds it. _There is no perfect_. Perfection is not a valid goal. "At least I got something down." is a valid goal. "I'll write five hundred more words this week than last week." is a valid goal. "This week I'll try to replace adverbs with more appropriate verbs." is a valid goal. And when I say "start writing", I don't mean, "Write one solid chapter of a publishable novel", in case that perfection filter is reinterpeting the goal? I mean _write something_. Your posts here are "something". They're a little bit of writing. As far as I"m concerned, they count. But you need to write more words. Just words. Just sit down and spit out some words. OK, I'm going to demo: Words: I'm sitting at my desk looking out at the garden, at the bed that I call the "pie slice" because that's its shape. The big yellow trumpet daffodils are starting to fade. I'm not sure if they were the right choice - they're just a little too fat and gaudy; I might have done better to choose something a little more graceful. The Thalia daffodils are starting. They might be _too_ graceful. The tulips haven't started yet. I can't see the ground cover from my window, but I think it's creeping thyme. It's the kind that doesn't bloom very often. Maybe I should tuck in some that blooms, with those really bright tiny little magenta flowers. Not exactly deathless prose, is it? It's just words, a modest-sized paragraph of words. I could keep on going, talking about the honeysuckle growing over the fence by that flowerbed, or the window blinds that I'm looking through, or how my feet feel in my shoes, or the irritating sound of my computer fan. It doesn't matter. Just write means _just write_. You have a thousand skills to develop before you write something publishable. Don't sit down expecting publishable sentences to flow from your fingers. For now, all you should expect is for _sentences_ to flow from your fingers. No more. You mentioned "a set of instructions to follow", so I'll suggest an exercise: Write one screenful of words (I don't care what size or what font; I'm being arbitrary here) on the topic of either (1) how your shoes feel on your feet or (2) how you feel about being advised to write about how your shoes feel on your feet. ChickenFreak
Wow. Honestly, I feel bad for you, because I think that unless you work hard to address your self-esteem issues, you're going to have a pretty miserable life. First, though I'm not sure whether this will make you feel better or not, I want to remind you that the difference between a 16-year-old high school student and a 17-year-old high school graduate is...about a year of high school. In other words, not much at all. I'm not sure how you can see someone who's a year younger than you as a "snot-nosed child". Were you just a moronic, snot-nosed child when you were 16? Were you incapable of learning? Did your vast wordplay skills only develop within the past year? There are 10 year olds out there attending college, with a grasp on mathematics and physics that rival most full-grown adults. There will always be someone out there who is smarter and more accomplished than you. Always. I doubt you have any idea how hard this kid works, how he learns, and what his natural intelligence level and abilities are. You don't know how he could know half of what you do? Dude, he's a year younger than you, not 5 years old. Did you just accumulate half your knowledge in the past year? And if you did, just because you only started that learning process at 16, doesn't mean your friend didn't start at 12. And anyway, why do you care? Does someone else's intelligence and talents honestly make your own achievements and life any less valuable? Of course not. What do you want out of life? Acknowledgement that you're "the best"? If so, I strongly suggest you seek out therapy. You'll cripple yourself with that type of attitude, not to mention sabotage any chance of a happy relationship with other people. Personally, my goal in life is to be happy. Writing makes me happy. Being good at writing makes me happy. Am I the best writer in the world? Of course not. But it doesn't matter. I've achieved many of my writing goals (i.e. being published), have loyal readers, and have received many words of gratitude and encouragement from those who enjoy my stories. I'm fulfilled by that. It's enough. One thing you need to understand is that writing is a completely subjective thing. That means nobody could ever be crowned "the best". There's no such thing. No author has ever written a book that everyone in the world liked. If you don't believe me, look up your favorite (preferably widely-read) book on Amazon.com and behold the reviews lower than 5 stars. What one person thinks is the best book ever, another will think is complete tripe. That's just the way it works. If you're uncomfortable with that idea, and with the notion that you will receive criticism as a writer, and will never have your efforts deemed "perfect", I'd suggest finding another pursuit. Man, this all just really depresses me. You think there's no point in existing if you're not "the best"? I seriously urge you to get help. I wonder if you might be narcissistic--i.e. you believe you are always right and that other people are merely a reflection on you. You need to find a way to be satisfied with yourself, and not worry about other people. You will never be "the best". That's okay. Most people won't--and no author ever will, since there is no objective measure for good writing. Worrying about it will only drive you crazy. And it's so totally futile. Sad.
1. Why are you calling someone a mere year younger than you -- he might be only a month younger, depending on when your birthdays are -- a "snot-nosed child?" Mighty condescending if you ask me. 2. You aren't friends with this guy at all, but you just go to his page sometimes, yet you have such a deep obsession with his vocabulary level and how it stands in comparison to yours? But you just vageuly know the guy over Facebook? Wow, how did this happen? 3. By saying that your point of existing is dependent on being better than others, you're giving other people the power to determine your existence. By doing this, you're saying you can't be defined without a collective -- that you can't exist without the collective bowing down to let you be better. Do you really want others to not be the best they can be, to lower themselves so you can feel good? Likewise, why lower yourself by saying you depend on a collective's inferiority to make yourself seem smart? Matrix -- I'm sure you're a good guy deep down, and there's nothing wrong with asking questions over the Internet that you wouldn't feel comfortable asking in a real-world setting. But come on, think about this. You're coming off as dreadfully conceited and insecure. Stop caring so much about other people and focus on yourself. Stop comparing yourself to others. Think of it this way. What if EVERYone in the world was inferior to you at EVERYthing? What if your arm broke, but no one knew any more about medicine than you do? What if you wanted to go to college and get a degree, but none of the professors knew any more than you? What if you were really struggling in a class and went to a tutor, but the tutor didn't know any more than you? How helpful would that be? Instead of feeling you have to be better at everything, why not see it as everyone having his/her own strengths and weaknesses that can be bartered? For example, I'm a reporter and really good at writing quickly on deadlines, but I'm horrible at statistics. Even the word "T-Table" makes tears well up in my eyes. So when I get some kind of team assignment involving gathering data, someone who's good at stats will do that part, and I'll do the writing part. If I was better at everything, I'd be stuck with all the work, and that'd suck a lot for me. This post confirms that your level of vocabulary is not the real problem here. Re-evaluate your feelings and thoughts, and if they remain the same, please seek help.
