Thanks. "Sealed the deal" is a colloquialism and I need something different for a future world. I'm not having any luck.
If I understand you, you're looking for a colloquialism that aligns better with your setting. Look for a metaphor of completion or closure that relates to a dominant activity in your society, or in the subset of society you are dealing with. Because only you know the details of your future world, or what you are "tying the bow" on, no one else will be in a better position to come up with the right metaphor.
It doesn't have to be a colloquialism, it can just be a word that means the same thing. I was having a brain block. I've since thought of "clinched". My character is thinking about doing X but little things are roadblocks. Then Y comes up that clinches the decision. I just couldn't think of a way to say it besides "sealed the deal" and that was a colloquialism that didn't fit. Clinched isn't quite right either but at least I can now use a thesaurus, and like "sealed the deal" isn't easy to find any synonyms for let alone the right synonym. Have you ever considered that every question people ask does not require the answer, "think of it yourself, don't ask us"?
Have you ever considered that there are reasons that answer is often the best one? Did you read the rest of my answer, where I suggested how to create or find the right metaphor in a context that is not available to me? No good deed goes unpunished...
Well when you think about it, "sealed the deal" is a cliche. If I wanted to have a colloquialism for this in a future society(one that relies on wind powered technology), I would make it "We in there like an Air Rider?"
I appreciate your help, but I don't get your answer? Here's the passage: "... I thought about getting out the bacteria light and my biology book to look up avian vocal structures, but my pack was already strung up for the night. Then the distracting hum of a Founder aircraft overhead, faint though it was, [sealed the deal]. I’m not usually afraid of the night, or the forest, but the closer I got to the Founder city, the more nervous I felt. Funny how you can talk yourself into being scared. I slipped back in the bedroll and slithered a bit until it was better positioned under the heat cloak where it should have been...."
At first I thought this was gonna be in dialogue, not narration. I would just omit it. Have you ever thought of doing that?
No, I need it, I'm trying to build the fear the protag has for the Founders. And it makes sense she gets scared and hides under the covers, so to speak.
So, the Sci-Fi setting is pretty clear. Is there something you can tell me about the person thinking this that might help me help you? Is it a human? Is there a profession or line of work the person is in that might color his/her idiolectic?
I meant just get rid of the phrase"sealed the deal." You already showed the MC's fear by having her duck under covers.
She's a precocious 17 year old who's going where she shouldn't be going to get a look (from a distance) at the city she's been told all her life to fear. I'm really just looking for a synonym for 'sealed the deal' or 'clinched it'. I'm not looking for anything more special than that. It makes the mention of the aircraft fit into the scene and I'm using that to inject growing fear. It didn't read well when I tried things like, 'decided for me', and, 'made the decision'. I tried things like those and didn't like them. I really want a single word if there is one. tilted the balance? Nothing sounds exactly right.
I think I can modify that to make it work, Garball. Thanks. "Then the distracting hum of a Founder aircraft overhead, faint though it was, convinced me I should not be out here at all!" I like it.
Yes I read your whole answer, that's why I said, "Have you ever considered that every question people ask does not require the answer, "think of it yourself, don't ask us"? I stepped away to try to be more objective answering what bothered me since you didn't seem to get my answer, which I thought was frank and to the point. It was your assumption that a simple request for a synonym because of brain block was indicative of a shortcoming that needed a writing lesson. I asked for help thinking of a word. It's condescending to treat everyone like they are children. I thought my reply explained the problem I had with your answer. But, as you can see, just being frank and to the point is not all there is to communicating. The first step is to properly assess the question you are answering. Consider the assumptions you make about people, maybe you're missing something. Since your answer was thoughtful and polite, I suppose I should have been nicer and said, "You misunderstood the request. Thanks for the lesson, but I wasn't looking for another colloquialism and didn't need the lesson." Ehh, sounds almost as bad. Sorry. I could leave off the unnecessary "didn't need the lesson", but that would be holding back, now wouldn't it?
And that is why I started with, "If I understand you, you're looking for a colloquialism that aligns better with your setting." Because I wasn't sure what you were looking for. Let's just chalk it up to a miscommunication.
Would something like this work? "Then the distracting hum of a Founder aircraft overhead, faint though it was, finalized the fear she felt." Might be too alliterative...
"...made up my mind." "...left me with no other option." ("...left me to feel that there was no other option." A little wordy..." You could also reword a bit. Snap off the end of the first sentence and use a singular sentence on its own to say what you mean: "My mind was set." / "I'd made up my mind." Frankly, I don't think there's a singular word for what you want to say here. These are the couple of options that I was able to invent for you.
I vote for leaving it out, as: Then I heard the faint hum of a Founder aircraft far overhead. I’m not usually afraid ... The cause and effect is clear without further explanation.
Trimmed the Toenail. Cooked the Goose. Actually, though, I'd go with something like: locked the door or set sail or something that implies that something with consequences just happened.
