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  1. A.M.P.

    A.M.P. People Buy My Books for the Bio Photo Contributor

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    If you can equal this, you CAN be published...

    Discussion in 'The Art of Critique' started by A.M.P., Dec 20, 2013.

    I was browsing through some random blog and found this little ditty.

    This read was exciting!
    Exclamation points everywhere!
    Double Imagery!
    Who needs paragraphs!
    Dialogue Structure? DIALOGUE!

    Oh, and dragons breathe fire from their noses and THEN their mouths!
    Good to know!
    Evil Witches are BIG on sending people messages through hellfire!

    ....

    If you ever wondered whether you are good enough to be published, you probably can if the above link is any indicator.

    I read the About Author section at the end, like seven pages down, and from I gleamed she owns her own tiny publishing house in Miami so maybe that's how this managed to get "published" but still...
     
    Nicoel, Tyler Danann, Gasper and 2 others like this.
  2. Alesia

    Alesia Pen names: AJ Connor, Carey Connolly Contributor

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    Holy hell those are some huge "paragraphs!" Definitely needs to be broken up more. I got exhausted after just one!!!!!!!!
     
    Fullmetal Xeno likes this.
  3. Keitsumah

    Keitsumah The Dream-Walker Contributor

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    Okay. Wow. That publisher is not going to be selling any more books after that.
     
  4. Fitzroy Zeph

    Fitzroy Zeph Contributing Member Contributor

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    I know it's not even close to the same genre, style or anything else, but, read some Jose Saramago if you think those paragraphs are long. He also uses no dialogue punctuation except for capitals to indicate start of dialogue. He won a Nobel Prize, and I know Cormac McCarthy isn't big on dialogue marking either.

    It seems you can't actually define a paragraph, except maybe in the loosest of terms. Studies have been done, where well written passages, have had their paragraphing removed and given to other writers, english teachers and professors of English Lit and almost no one re-formated the passage as the original author had. Many times, no two people paragraphed the original as it was written.
     
    GoldenGhost likes this.
  5. A.M.P.

    A.M.P. People Buy My Books for the Bio Photo Contributor

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    @Fitzroy Zeph I think there is a noticeable difference between their works and Ellis'. The issue isn't that her paragraphs are long but that there is no real structure and I doubt it was from an artistic or stylized point of view that she made it if the rest of her writing is any indicator.

    It's one thing to consciously change things around to fit your wants but its a whole 'nother to change every "standard" we have in writing from grammar, structure, or modern styling to something that is... well, laughable.

    Anything can be done. Ellis should have learned to write first.
     
  6. thirdwind

    thirdwind Contributing Member Contest Administrator Reviewer Contributor

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    You know it's bad when there are grammatical errors on the cover.
     
  7. Alesia

    Alesia Pen names: AJ Connor, Carey Connolly Contributor

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    The customer reviews are more entertaining than the book lol.
     
  8. Andrae Smith

    Andrae Smith Gone exploring... in the inner realm... Contributor

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    Oh. Dear... I'm willing to bet they published it themselves. If not then that publishing company had to be desperate. This is bad. I have not written this badly in a while. I never knew I could have been published writing like that. Well I'm glad I won't have to suffer through the embarrassment of having my name something like that.
     
  9. Alesia

    Alesia Pen names: AJ Connor, Carey Connolly Contributor

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    That's why I use a pen name! :D
     
  10. Andrae Smith

    Andrae Smith Gone exploring... in the inner realm... Contributor

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    I should try that! I have thought of a couple.
     
  11. MmePlanetKIller

    MmePlanetKIller Member

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    "Ms. Branshaw was the headmistress of the orphanage in Britain where Rebecca and her brother Billy lived."

    Wait - what?

    Apparantly customers who viewed this item also viewd a corrugated coffin. That is not inspiring.
     
    daemon likes this.
  12. Steerpike

    Steerpike Felis amatus Supporter Contributor

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    They did.
     
  13. DrWhozit

    DrWhozit Banned

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    I liked the cover...
     
  14. Thomas Kitchen

    Thomas Kitchen Proofreader in the Making Contributor

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    Ugh.
     
  15. Wyr

    Wyr Active Member

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    I couldn't stand to read more than the first six sentences before I became nauseous. It reminded me vaguely of the "books" my class had to write in our fourth grade reading class one semester, only I think most of my fellow students had better grammar.

    Did the author really write her own review and lash out at people when they offered advice? I couldn't find that in the actual reviews on Amazon, but maybe I'm not looking in the right spot.
     
  16. MLM

    MLM Banned for trolling

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    This get's published and Zorkollabond mires in unpublished obscurity. Life is not fair.
     
    Nicoel likes this.
  17. Robert_S

    Robert_S Contributing Member

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    Seventeen reviews and it's one star. I'm not going to read it.
     
  18. DrWhozit

    DrWhozit Banned

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    I wouldn't buy it, but it's published and Joe Reader could buy it (Not that I think that would happen). I don't have that in my repertoire.
     
  19. A.M.P.

    A.M.P. People Buy My Books for the Bio Photo Contributor

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    Aren't most author pen names on Wikipedia or something?
    I know it's meant to mask who the real author is but the internet seems to have made that obsolete.

    Self-published, actually. It's her OWN publishing company.

    Actually, all those items listed there are because the people who viewed this book viewed all the other items listed on that blog I mentioned in the OP.
    It blogs about the terrible items for sale in the world and this book was one of many. So, don't mind them :p
    Although, the coffin could be considered ominous:p


    Hmm.. It seems Ellis made a few faux pas...
    Not including taking real names and adding a few vowels here and there to make them fancy.
    Would it have hurt to keep the Arthurian legend with Arthur and not Aurthorr?

    I'd be bummed too. "Rats. Gotta rebuild, I guess..."

    And Lastly...

    I read all the reviews.
    It was rather entertaining.
    Thanks for the tip @Alesia
     
  20. Jared Carter

    Jared Carter Member

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    What the heck did I just read?
     
  21. A.M.P.

    A.M.P. People Buy My Books for the Bio Photo Contributor

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    Pure, unadulterated, lack of know how.
     
  22. Lemex

    Lemex That's Lord Lemex to you. Contributor

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    This was an experience. I feel honored to have been a part of this.

    All sarcasm aside, it is encouraging in some way. Even some publishers do not know how to write. Next time you get a rejection, think about this, it should make you smile.
     
    Alexa C. Morgan likes this.
  23. Cogito

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Makes you think. Is yur goal to get published, or is your goal to reach a broad audience?

    Of course, it's hard to reach a large audience if you are not published. Hence the confusion.

    Self-publishing makes the first hurdle less formidable, but it does nearly nothing toward the goal of reaching a wide audience.
     
    Wyr likes this.
  24. jannert

    jannert Contributing Member Supporter Contributor

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    Well, I suppose you could write something so awful that it gets widely discussed on forums everywhere? Notoriety may bring a wide audience. Maybe no money, but hey... :eek:
     
  25. KaTrian

    KaTrian A foolish little beast. Staff Supporter Contributor

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    I just wasted three minutes of my life! It's written by a married couple! I wonder if T and I write this badly! I like the cover, though! Wonder if she knows Antigua is a real place!
     

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