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  1. Society

    Society New Member

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    I'm a designer, not a writer! Help?

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by Society, Sep 15, 2016.

    Hello all,

    I'm trying to fix this sentence structure, and wondering if anyone can help me.

    he said, “deciding to pursue this project as a ‘platform’ fosters line extensions and derivatives, and also advocates alternative strategies that design can contribute to.”
     
  2. Wreybies

    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Contest Administrator Supporter Contributor

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    Other than the stranded preposition at the end, what's the goal you have for this sentence, what don't you like about it? A little direction as to what's making you ask the question would help. :)
     
  3. Society

    Society New Member

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    Stranded proposition. Wow, I have no idea what that means. Not sure if I have any further goals other than being grammatically correct.

    Does 'advocates' need to be followed with 'for'?
    Is there a redundancy of 'and'?
    Should 'that' be replaced with 'which'?

    So should it read:
    he said, “deciding to pursue this project as a ‘platform’ fosters line extensions and derivatives, simultaneously advocating for alternative strategies which design can contribute to.”
     
  4. OurJud

    OurJud Contributing Member Contributor

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    he said, “deciding to pursue this project as a ‘platform’ fosters line extensions and derivatives, and also advocates alternative strategies that design can contribute to.

    I took my coat off
    (preposition - frowned upon)
    I took off my coat (the 'correct' way)

    However, this is dialogue, which creates a grey area on the rule. If this is how the character would say it, go with it.
     
  5. Earp

    Earp Active Member

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    Assuming this isn't an actual quote from a real person, maybe:

    he said, “pursuing this project as a ‘platform’ results in line extensions and derivatives, and also alternative strategies to which design can contribute.”

    I don't know what line extensions and derivatives are, but I'm assuming here that they're good things.
     
  6. Society

    Society New Member

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    Nice example. I understand...
     
  7. Society

    Society New Member

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    Thats very nice! Wondering though, why does it matter if its from a real person or not? Is it because a quote from someone needs to be verbatim?
     
  8. Earp

    Earp Active Member

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    In my world it does, yes. My rewriting was based on the idea that one should never use two words when one (or none) will do. I think that's even more important with technical writing.
     
  9. Elven Candy

    Elven Candy Contributing Member Supporter

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    As the first word of the sentence, "he" needs to be capitalized;).
     

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