Hi all, Sorry I've disappeared for a while. My life has pretty much disintegrated into a sort of disaster that any soap writer would just die to get their hands on. I don't know where else to ask for completely impartial advice on this (how to sort this mess out). I need opinions. Three weeks ago, I got myself into a terrible state at a party by drinking too much, something I hadn't done for ages but have just started doing again. I pulled this rather handsome looking (think Dean Winchester from Supernatural) guy, took him back to my place and had my wicked way with him. We exchanged numbers, and told each other we would meet up again the next weekend. About ten minutes after he'd left in the morning, there was a knock on my door. I expected it to be him, but it wasn't, it was the host of the party I had been at the night before. He lived with a girlfriend, and seemed happy enough with the situation. I was surprised, but let him in. Immediately he started kissing me, and moving me to the bedroom. I was so stunned, I just slept with him. I don't know why, and I suppose I'll never know why, I consented to it, but I did. He said he'd come back, and I was terrified he would, so started to have a 'no answer the door' policy. On the Monday (the day after), I took myself off to the doctors for more anti-depressants and the morning after pill, even though, just two months ago, I'd been told it'd be difficult for me to conceive naturally, I figured it was best to err on the side of caution, and then I went to my counsellor to discuss my recent acting out and craziness. Things were fine for a couple of weeks, and then I realised my period was late. This is not unusual for me, but because of the health risks associated with the morning after pill, I ran a pregnancy test, just in case. It came back positive. I ran three more over the course of the weekend, and each one came back positive. It was during this time, the second guy (the utter barsteward) found out that I was up the duff. I can't go into details, nor do I want to, but bad things happened when he came round to 'discuss it', and now the police are involved, my flat became a crime scene for days and I've been too scared to stay here by myself, so have been couch surfing round the country. I (completely forgetting that my parents aren't like everyone elses) listened to the advice of my friends and told my parents about the epic trouble I'm in. Their response was to drop the police case because I 'clearly led him on' and would 'be destroyed by the red tops if it came to court'. Then they said I needed to get an abortion. No hugs, no support, no sympathy. I'm exhuasted from my brain running in circles. Yes, it would be the most sensible option just to have an abortion, on paper at least, but there are reasons why I don't want to (admittedly, some of them are really silly, but still valid). 1. I was told two months ago it'd be difficult to have children naturally. Here is a child, naturally. 2. This little ball of cells has so far defeated dodgy ovaries, a misshappen womb, a surge of hormones caused by the morning after pill, and further malevolent hormones which encourage miscarriage. Clearly, it's put a lot of effort in, and it seems ridiculous to kill it after all that hard work. 3. It is (as far as I'm concerned, regardless of how far along I am) murder. The biggest fear I have, however, is that it is HIS. Could I love a child that came from a man who was as horrible as him? Added to this is the problem that the first guy (the lovely one) is friends with the second, so it's clear that now he won't be willing to have anything to do with me or the potential sprog. Apart from a few friends and a sister half way across the country, I'll have no support. I'm half way through my uni course. I'm completely broke. I'm single. I'm about a month off becoming homeless. These are all really good reasons not to continue this pregnancy. Am I being stupid here by not being able to bring myself to do it? My head is so messed up at the moment. All I really know is I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't.