He waited at the gate without blinking. He had been yearning for this day for over a year. His eyelids fought hard but he managed to resist the urge. Eyes watering, he felt the air scorching his cornea. “Keep staring!” barked the man in armor. A blue beam flashed his vision, blinding him and disorienting his senses. He could bear it no longer. “Fuck this man! You think this moustache is a fake? I’m taking my business to another bar". Eyes burning, he stumbled unable to find his way out of the queue. "Anyone wants to give me a ride?” I'm just practicing. The goal is to catch interest. What do you think is missing / wrong? I think the scene may be too difficult to understand. Also I'm not sure I managed to connect the reader with the main.