Is it wrong to be sexually attracted to a girl?

I don't know. Sometimes you just have an idea in your head you don't even really look at the person. Then you get to know them more you realise you hadn't seen what was right in front of you!

 

Hmm, I suppose I can get on board with that. Can't imagine that ever happening for me but then again, I care less about looks than a lot of others. Never even really cared all that much about my own. Which was a conundrum as a teenage girl. What I mean is, I don't pay all that much attention ever. Maybe I'm missing a lot.

 

I've certainly been de-attracted to a girl once I got to know her. Her telling my friend they had to get tested for herpes might have had something to do with that.

 

The problem for me was always the next morning.

EDIT: In case anybody isn't aware, this is a blunt joke, to reiterate that you may want to consider developing a deeper connection, or else your relationship with a given person might not last long if it's just based on looks.

 

It's always the pretty things that catch your eye first. Or rather, the exceptional things. In a row of diamonds, the one with the crack in it will stand out.

By that logic, I should be dating my buddy right now.
As far as I have been able to figure out, relationships are nothing more than friendships that include sex. And on a personal note, I'd add that I prefer to just have a friend and pay for someone to have sex with so they'll fork off without asking me to meet their bloody parents two months later.

True. The very first time I met my current girlfriend, I didn't even look twice at her. She was just some housewife, as far as I was concerned. But we got to talking not long after that and that was about ten years ago. We're still talking and I think she's seriously hot (most likely, you wouldn't say so, she doesn't adhere to what is generally considered beautiful).
Conversely, I have a shitty overbite. Like, yee-haw Mr. Ed-overbite. She says she doesn't see it anymore.

 

Well, that's true. We are designed to have sexual attractions. The trouble comes when the sexual attractions trump other interpersonal relationships.

In other words, it's not wrong to be sexually attracted to a girl (or a boy, for that matter). It's wrong to think that the other person has to respond to it, or that it's a deal-breaker when they don't.

I've said before that I have many female friends. Here's a shocker: I'm sexually attracted to most of them. If circumstances were different, and if they were willing, I'd bone them in a minute. But I know, and they know, that it ain't gonna happen, and we proceed from there to another form of relationship. The sexual attraction will always be there for me. Like an alcoholic at a cocktail party, I'll stick to ginger ale and let everybody else drink to their heart's content.

 

If she's your current girlfriend, I certainly hope talking forms part of the relationship.

 

Sounds like a form of torture to me.

I have female friends as well, but just ones I wouldn't wanna have sex with or ones who already rejected me and I learnt to move on and accept that. I could not be friends with someone I was attracted to sexually. What is a friend really? You do fun things you both wanna do together. If my friend just flat out refuses to do what I would most like to do, I'll probably start looking for a new friend I can do that with. If I said 'you know what would really hit the spot tonight...Chinese food, I'm miserable and I think Chinese food would take me out of it.'
'Sorry, never eating that with you ever but would consider it with someone else.'
Come on!

I was talking to one friend of mine she said she didn't want to have sex cos it would ruin our friendship. It always seemed like a bit of a cop out thing to say and imo if I weren't so pathetic I should have defriended her at that point. I've noticed we almost never talk about sex and she keeps that side of her life quite close to her chest (no pun intended).

Having said that, we still talk and message regularly now, which is not the case with any woman I have had sex with in the past. I just can't fully understand why that is. There is something a bit off to me about platonic relationships with women. All the intellectual chats and what not. I don't think it's right. We are animals pretending not to be animals, and it's very silly. Be a good little animal!

 

I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds like you're cutting off a huge part of human experience because you can't have sex with the people you want to experience it with.

There are a lot of things I want to do with friends together. That doesn't mean that I have to do everything she wants, or that she has to do everything I want. We find common ground, and enjoy each other's company, and ignore the fact that we're not doing anything else at the moment.

Yes, we're animals. But even animals can overcome animal instincts. Dogs can be housebroken, for example. And we form social bonds with cats and birds so that they don't instinctively try to harm us. As for "pretending to be animals," consider Kurt Vonnegut's famous maxim: "We are what we pretend to be, so we must be very careful about what we pretend to be."

 

Yes, I think he is alluding to the dangers of living a life as a hollowed out shut down shell rather than embracing our true selves - including our inner animals. But everyone can read that differently.

 

Honestly, nonsexual relationships make me edgy. Like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I've always liked being friends with men but I keep it online these days. Which is a result of my own personality faults. I'm just a bit hypersexual mentally and like Zeppo, find it a bit torturous as well as a game of playing with fire.

 

I'm not sure what you mean by "hypersexual." If it means you're always mentally undressing people, well, I am, too. But I've learned to live with that and take it in stride and not talk about it to the other person. It's usually not a problem, and I would rather put up with it than forego all the pleasure I get from interacting with these people in non-sexual settings.

 

Yeah but I have diagnosed mental issues.

 

Sort of off-topic, @JLT made me think about it:

I was speaking to a coworker the other day about her parrot. Apparently she has to be very careful about what part of her body it comes in contact with. Anywhere below the neck, and the parrot is likely to sexually bond with her. But then it will get frustrated because she can't lay eggs or mate with it. You essentially have to friend-zone some birds.

On topic:

Non-sexual peer relationships are really important, IMO. It's a different kind of relationship, and equally (if not more) vital for mental health. "But bonobos..." Fuck bonobos. They're dumbass, borderline cannibalistic apes that live in the jungle. Humans have accomplished a bit more than that, to a point that the societies really shouldn't be compared. You need to be able to trust your friends, and for the sake of self-esteem know that their spending time with you for reasons other than what's in their pants. That said, it's okay to acknowledge you find a friend attractive. Finding someone attractive is very different to desperately wanting to pork them.

The missus and I are currently weirded out by our long time friends (another couple) who tactlessly tried to invite us to orgy (they did this years ago, we're just still unsettled about it and don't really like hanging out anymore). Don't make your bedroom boredom someone else's problem, take no for an answer, and don't try to push your polyamory on others.

 

love, desire, beauty etc belong to art
while
interest, sex or healthy sex, health belong to science.
as you are a writer or artist by some degree, you must focus on love and follow its guidance impulses.

 

I think it very much depends whether she's homo sapiens or not.

 

What literature do you read? Many writers have been obsessed with sex. Roth, Joyce, Flaubert - just a few that come to mind. It makes sense since anyone with an active imagination is likely to have a rich fantasy life and that includes sexual fantasy.

 

This is an ongoing matter of debate.

 

People look differently when we have life experience and understand things about looks. You learn over time how people carry themselves, and even though a person is "hot" there are subtle things that can indicate personality and how they treat themselves. Also people just learn and grow over time. For example, teen girls might be grossed out by bald guys, but then once they get older, realize how much balding doesn't really matter in the long run. I knew this guy going bald at age 19, but he carried himself well, and that was about the time he met the girl who would become his wife.

Of course, I have a feeling that my perspective is a little different here. For me, looks and personality are intertwined, and the instant someone does something ugly personality-wise, their looks are less appealing.

 

Grossed out by bald guys? Maybe not attracted to them...but grossed out? If they're grossed out by a shiny bald head I imagine they're going to have problems coming to terms with the realities of sex.

 

Well, you know how teen girls can be. They sometimes care too much about things like that. Lack of life experience, more than anything else.

 

I'm a sapiosexual, so, in order to be attracted (sexually or otherwise) to a woman, she must be, what I deem to be, intelligent. Irrespective of what she looks like. She could have the face of (insert a person who you think has the most beautiful face) and the body of (insert a person who you think has the most beautiful body), but if she has porridge for brains, I'd get bored within five minutes.

There's nothing more attractive than intelligence.

However, in this society, where idiocy, ignorance (just look at the current leaders of the UK and USA) and lack of intelligence is heralded and intelligence appears to be a dirty word, it's difficult for a person, who identifies themselves as sapiosexual, to meet an ideal spouse.

So yeah, intelligence is very sexy.

I'm not saying that I would lust after an intelligent hunchback, as we all have our own types, physically. But for me, intelligence is the most important thing.

 

Is it though?

 

For me? No.

However...

When the world is ruled by the Kardashians, YouTubers and social media and reality TV "stars", it would appear that it is.