Is there a PROFOUND way to phrase this sentence?

Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by MatrixGravity, May 19, 2011.

  1. popsicledeath

    popsicledeath Banned

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    Brady Udall, an international bestseller and with stories published in top journals (or at least The Paris Review, Playboy, GQ and Esquire, people can consider them 'top' or not if they want).

    Alan Heathcock, whose debut short story collection went into a second printing before officially being released (if I recall correctly) and has received a Publisher's Weekly starred review and was named a NY Time's editor's choice, stories in various journals, National Magazine Award in fiction.

    Mitch Wieland, the founder and editor of an award winning literary journal and who's been widely published himself, his last 'novel in stories' being blurbed by a Pulitzer winner and pretty darn good.

    Anthony Doerr, a widely anthologized writer who has won more awards than I feel comfortable mentioning, including three O. Henry Prizes and two Pushcart Prizes. And I think one of his short story collections, The Shell Collecter, might have been a best seller, which is hard to do with short stories (though helped by being an Oprah Book Club selection, of course).

    So, I don't know if it's a hot spot, since I don't know how things work in other low populated, 'redneck' states, heh, but I'd say that's pretty decent for one city alone. And they're all very active, contemporary, 'literary' writers who teach classes, workshops, do conferences and retreats and readings all locally, and not always locally, but the locally is what matters to me, at least, as it's been amazing in regards to insight and education, and has helped some pretty big writers then also come to town for readings and discussions.
     
  2. ChickenFreak

    ChickenFreak Contributor Contributor

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    In a recent post, MatrixGravity said:

    "I want to replace little words in my vocabulary with more advanced ones..."

    This time he said:

    "Can somebody here help me rephrase this, and make it sound more profound/advanced?"

    and offered an example in which he had replaced some of the simple, direct words with more formal words. There's never been any mention of context or character.

    ChickenFreak
     
  3. popsicledeath

    popsicledeath Banned

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    Oh yeah, I'll mention that Hemingway never really wrote in Idaho, and only lived here a few years if I recall, mostly just came here to 'retire' as it were. Though, oddly enough, there are more centers/buildings/organizations/memorials dedicated to Hemingway than to Idaho's most famous writer, Ezra Pound, who was born in Haily, Idaho, but is pretty much never mentioned due to his being denounced and reviled as a fascist. Openly supporting Hitler and Mussolini, and being arrested for treason because of it, will do that to a person, I suppose, though it's still a shame that last I heard there is literally not a single monument or mention in Haily, ID (a pretty small town not known for much) that Ezra Pound was from there.
     
  4. mammamaia

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    thanks for the info, pops!... i'd say you're pretty lucky to be living where you do...

    i lived in westport, ct for over a decade, so i know very well how being around and mingling socially with respected/famous authors and other giants in the arts can feed one's creative soul and fuel the drive to keep working...

    love and hugs, m
     
  5. popsicledeath

    popsicledeath Banned

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    Yeah, very lucky. Now if I can only figure out a way to harness what I've learned from them into some success, so I don't have to keep reporting back all my failures and rejections. They make it look so easy! :p
     
  6. MatrixGravity

    MatrixGravity Member

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    Seems this thread has taken off. Quite a lot of great suggestions here although I feel extremely overwhelmed. I forgot who I'mdealing with. This forum does have quite a number of highly intellectual individuals with vocabulary's that far surpass mine, so I had some trouble understanding what most of you were trying to convey. That's my issue with words and reading. Sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed when I read. So many words and having to remember each and every one of them gets quite frustrating and gives me a headache. Reading some of the posts in this thread was difficult because It appears some of you have used words that I have no idea of their meanings.. Overall, I just don't think I can keep up with you guys. I suck at writing.
     
  7. arron89

    arron89 Banned

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    Someone's probably said this to you a million times by now, but there really is no big secret to building a big vocabulary. You don't need to read a dictionary, you don't need to do any exercises, you just need to read. A lot. At a level more advanced than you're used to if you want to come across words you don't understand. But you're what? 17, 18? Not many people have a big vocabulary at that age, especially these days, but once you go to college (or, if you don't, spend a few more years reading more) you'll be forced to learn to use hundreds of new words, new ideas, new writing styles (even in a non-English related degree), so there's really no cause to freak out. Just make a mental note of the words you don't understand and either work out what they mean from context or look them up. Then try to use it in conversation or in writing and it'll probably stick.
     
  8. mammamaia

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    excellent advice!

    another easy and fun way to increase your vocabulary is to do the ny times daily crossword puzzle till you can complete it in ink, in 15 minutes... then graduate to the sunday one... and keep the dictionary handy!
     
  9. ChickenFreak

    ChickenFreak Contributor Contributor

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    I agree with arron that the way to build your vocabulary is to read. I've never, in all my life, made any effort to increase my vocabulary. I've just read books.

    In childhood, I used to read at least five books a week, and as I finished off each week's haul from the library, I often read those books a second time. In early adulthood, that went down to more like three books a week, and now I'm only reading about a book a week. I'm trying to increase that by joining reading challenges - this year I've read 33 books so far, which isn't enough, but it's better than one a week.

    Again, every last bit of my vocabulary came from reading. I also very rarely looked up a word in the dictionary - I usually went merrily past the words that I didn't understand, and after I'd seen a given word a few times, I knew what it meant by the context.

    So, read. Don't spend time on vocabulary exercises; memorization is rarely a good way to learn something. Choose some books and read, and read some more, and read some more. If stopping and checking a dictionary takes the enjoyment out of reading, then read books that don't require you to do that too often, and _slowly_ increase the difficulty of the books that you're reading.

    ChickenFreak
     
  10. Infinitytruth

    Infinitytruth New Member

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    "She appears to have a very serious personality and doesn't seem to laugh a lot."

    She has a serious personality and doesn't laugh a lot.

    Keep it simple, clean cut, and to the point.
     
  11. HorusEye

    HorusEye Contributor Contributor

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    "Upon observation, her demeanor was one groomed, or simply destined, to remain forever in a state of dullness and, like Atlas, she carried the weight of a world upon her shoulders -- but a world in which laughter and joy was never heard or felt."

    Yeah, it's total trash, but there's references to fatalism and mythology and a few Shakespearean "upon"s. Pretentious...err...profound as hell. :D
     
  12. teacherayala

    teacherayala New Member

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    I think what everyone is trying to say is that good writing is more than about using good vocabulary. Good vocabulary is one of the tools, certainly, but, as I find some times with my high school students, it's not going to work to just open thesaurus, find word and replace it with the one that you previously had.

    The point is that there is a place sometimes for simple language, as long as it is doing what you need it to do. If this is a description, you should perhaps ask yourself who your narrator is and how they would relate the story. If the narrator is a young teen or a middle school kid, then maybe the sentence is fine because it reflects the teen's voice.

    Another thing to consider is that when you're revising your sentences, you shouldn't just be focusing on vocabulary, but focus on the ultimate goal of what you're trying to convey. This sounds vague, I know, but in that sentence you are trying to talk about this character you created. Is seriousness her only characteristic? When you picture her in your mind is it in a negative or positive light? What do you really want us to know about her. Then free write on a random piece of paper until you get something that actually works. Remember that you can portray a character through their appearance, the setting they are in, how people react to them, their own words in dialogue, or their actions. Consider putting a few of these elements into motion.
     

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