So, humm, some backstory. Dude and girl, friends, both around 20, flee their burning home city, which is assaulted by demons and other dark stuff. When they arrive on another island, there grows a tacit agreement between the two of them to abandon the past. Of course, they struggle with this, but that's backstory. And the story itself: Ten years pass. They're 30 now. Their home city was rebuilt, to an extent, from what they've heard. But war comes to it again, rumours of dark creatures prowling close. The guy is now a somewhat powerful magician, a bit of a hermit. He realises that he'd never made peace with the past, and now, stronger than he was in his youth, he decides to return to the city to check up on things. But he's also got new things in his life: he's become a priest, has a lot of work to do, and some other things. The girl doesn't want to come, because she's remade her life, and sees no point in dredging up the past. Blah blah, more plot stuff, people who see profit in exploiting a falling kingdom (though it's not a kingdom, per se, what with there being no king and stuff) deciding to tag along, etc. So, is this reasonable, or unbelievably contrived? Also wow, while reviewing this post I got an unbelievable tingly feeling that there's a verbatim copy of this plot somewhere out there already.
It sounds like a good idea for a story. You'll have to fit the girl into the plot more somehow, otherwise there is no point in having her there. I mean, the girl isn't interested in going back. She seems to have found closure before the story really begins. So unless she somehow does play an important role in the story, I would suggest dropping her.
I don't think you need to worry about there being a similar plot somewhere out there in the world. It depends on how well you write it and your characterisation. On the face of it, I don't see anything wrong with your plot but there could be a problem in that you seem to think it is contrived. You have to proceed with some confidence in your idea or it's unlikely you will write it well. Curious as to why you think it is contrived.
She's not the main character. Not even secondary. But she is important to the guy, who will, every now and then, reminisce about his youth with her in their homeland. And, needless to say, she gets killed, which will be the proverbial straw that breaks my main character's back. @Peerie Pict: You're right. I think it's contrived because, frankly, there are a lot of people out there who, at best, have made me think stuff through before jumping to write, and at worst, scared me from writing before gaining reassurance from outer sources.
I understand the problem. People try to guide you but ultimately end up making you have serious reservations about your ideas or ability to come up with viable ideas. I think the inescapable truth is that we're only able to write well about what we feel passionate about. It's worth considering what other people think but only insofar as it helps you achieve your own goals. You seem to have put enough thought into the direction of the story to really make a go of writing it. I say go for it.
Then it makes perfect sense for her to be in your story. Good luck with that. I hope we get to read samples of it.
