I'm going to combine these queries as I don't want to fill up the sub-forum. Again, I have to preface this by saying my editor didn't pick up these errors. If they're wrong, I'm not sure what that says. These little bits are nagging me. How are these quotes here? The ‘unlight of unfulfillment,’ as he liked to say. This is in a third person narrative. I use " " for dialogue as normal. I don't often do this type of construction, but I want to indicate that this is a concept of the protagonist's, something he'd think or say quite often. Suitable? Secondly, how about the italics here? Amid the loudening chatter he heard Caroline’s father joke that there was plentiful sherry to be had but none, of course, for the little tykes. Maybe I'm overthinking it, but I want the little tykes to be something said but not delivered through dialogue, to draw attention to it for a moment. Is this fine? Thank you.
Not sure what the rules say about them, but the first works for me and the second doesn't, possibly unless there are ongoing references (before and after that passage) to said tykes.
Here's the full paragraph for reference: As Ort was ushered in, he twisted just in time to glimpse a family of three beaming at their host. Isaac stood with them, a little apart from him. Amid the loudening chatter he heard Caroline’s father joke that there was plentiful sherry to be had but none, of course, for the little tykes. It wasn’t clear whether he addressed Isaac, the fair-haired boy beside him, or both. An instant later he was ducking the lintel into the hall. I'll probably just amend or remove it as it doesn't sound right to me either. However, removing the italics or putting quotes around it also might not help. Not sure.
I suppose. I'm struggling to get my head around the viewpoint though. There's somewhat of an odd blending between the narrator and Ort, who has heard the father speak. In all honesty, I think adding more italics doesn't address the issue of whether it's acceptable to indicate dialogue without actually using quotations. Can't quite figure out what to Google search. Most hits just relate to inner thoughts. This isn't an inner thought though. Edit: Also, if we're sticking with italics, I really just want to emphasise the children, not the amount of sherry.
Shouldn't be any problem with this, right? As Ort was ushered in, he twisted just in time to glimpse a family of three beaming at their host. Isaac stood with them, a little apart from him. Amid the loudening chatter he heard Caroline’s father joke that there was plentiful sherry to be had but none, “For the little tykes.” It wasn’t clear whether he addressed Isaac, the fair-haired boy beside him, or both. An instant later he was ducking the lintel into the hall. Admittedly I don't usually have speech nested within a paragraph like this, but it should be technically correct.
It doesn't work for me. The reason is that you have only stressed a segment of the phrase that applies to the little tykes. The basic sentence is, "Amid the loudening clatter he heard Caroline's father joke that there was plentiful sherry to be had." End -- full stop. That's a complete thought. The add-on, or parenthetical, thought is the entire "but none, of course, for the little tykes. So, IMHO, whatever treatment you decide to use should include that entire phrase. Since the entire sentence is part of the narrative rather than a direct quotation, I would be inclined to put the phrase in parentheses rather than italics.
That one is fine. That one doesn't read as dialogue to me. Instead, the narrator is emphasising "the little tykes". I would go for: Amid the loudening chatter he heard Caroline’s father joke that there was "plentiful sherry to be had, but none, of course, for the little tykes".
My gut tells me that both examples can be in quotation marks. Quotation marks don't have to mean actual, direct dialogue that is actively being delivered by a character in full sentences...if that makes sense.
