Lads and Girls Thread.

Well You must imagine been with one more than the other. So go away without either for a week and the one you miss the most will pretty much have your answer. Sorry to be blunt but its a good option.

 

I've been married for over a year, and my husband seems more interested in computer games, books, or television then he is in me. His sex drive has gone down a lot too. This is probably normal, but I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to smother him, and I would never want to nag him about his hobbies, but sometimes I get really lonely. What do you think?

 

Perhaps you need a bit of a change in routine. Normal life can get a bit boring sometimes, for all of us. Do something different together. Arrange a 'date', go for a walk or invite him to dinner, at a restaurant. Most importantly TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL!

 

Take a vacation somewhere away from the distractions. Maybe a camping trip, or a long drive into the unknown. It will give you both a chance to talk and have a long conversation without any distractions.

 

Ok here's a question for you... i've developed really strong feelings this guy that i've bin best friends with for nearly 2 years, and at around the same time he said he felt the same way. We got even closer, but just when I thought we were going to end up in a relationship he said he didn't want to ruin our friendship and didn't want to hurt me or himself. He's had a few bad relationships in the past, especially his last girlfriend who left him for another guy, and I think he's worried about getting too attached... is it worth me keep trying or should I accept his decision and move on? Is our "friendship" a nice way to say he wasn't really interested?

 

Kit. I’ve had to learn the hard way that if someone doesn’t feel a certain way towards you, then you shouldn’t try to force or manipulate them into feeling that way if it’s not real. Unfortunately, you just have to let it be. If BOTH parties don’t share the same feelings, the relationship won’t work no matter how much the one person (who has the feelings) tries.

 

I barely made it through two years before my wife and I separated. The problem that you described is one of the many that we had; I was in your husband’s position.

The thing was…while my wife and I were dating she did certain things that attracted me. But once were married, she developed the attitude of “oh well, we’re married now, I’ve accomplished my goal, so now I don’t have to do the things that you like anymore.”

Of course if possible, let him know how you feel. But don’t be like my wife and just look at his actions (or lack of); be sure to take a look at yourself as well. It might be some type of change in you that has caused the change in him. Not trying to seem harsh, but just being truthful.

This can become a pretty bad “domino effect”, so you have to try to stop it before too many dominos have fallen, or finding the origin of the issue will become nearly impossible.

 

Even for the relationshop I'm in now, I am always worried about something changing. It could be the slightest thing, and the whole thing would go downhill. I guess the only way to work with a change with that kind of disastrous potential would be to adapt to it or perhaps instigate a "counter-change", if you will. Maybe the only thing that's wrong is that neither of you have taken the initiative to bring it up in conversation or do something about it. Have a chat. Maybe a trip down memory lane is what you guys need. Go back to the place you went for your first date. Do something you always did when dating, but don't have much time for anymore. (That'd be bowling for me. ) Try and reach for that little thing that made you want to get married in the first place. Maybe you just lost a little bit of it.

I wish you luck.

--Inq

 

This began right after we got married, actually. I don't think it has to do with me not caring for myself anymore, because I do now more then ever. One of the problems I've noticed is that we moved far away from our families when we got married, and now that we no longer are around our old friends or family, we don't know how to be with each other. He's reverted into this 14 year old boy who doesn't know how to do anything by himself. I mean, I had to sign him up for all his classes this semester, get him registered for everything, and we're moving in two weeks and he won't help me pack. I feel more like his mother now, and since he doesn't have his family to impress anymore, he's just kind of lost his motivation.

 

Definitely time to have a very long talk with him.
Besides that, I can't help you.
Good luck.

 

I agree, and if he didn't share my feelings then i'd leave it at that. The problem is that he says he feels the same way about me but doesn't want to ruin our friendship... if he truly did feel the same way then couldn't we overcome that? :$

 

The only solution I can see is deciding whethere the friendship or a potential relationship is more important. If you know theses feelings arent going away then perhaps wait a few more months then try again. but you cant wait forever....if he isnt in for a relationship move on. If the friendship is worth more than a relationship then respect that he isnt ready for anything.

 

Here is my question

I have been with my Bf for a litle over 5 years and we have a 4 yr old daughter. He always said he one day will want to get married but when we actually sit down and discuss it he makes excuses or falt out says hedoesnt want to be married. I know I cant force him into marriage but I am really set on being married. with ...or without him. Any ideas on what to do?

 

Why does being married mean so much to you?

 

1. my daughter would have the same last name as me-very important to mothers
2. proves our love
3. makes me feel like he thinks im good enough for him
4.so I can say this is my husband...and mean it
5. so I can finally answer people when they ask oh are you going to be getting married?
6. A wife is something I always wanted to be(amoung many other things)
7.shows that im not worth loosing

*Besides....why would he be so against marriage. first he says its no big deal just a piece of paper so theres not much reason to do it,
then he will say since we arent perfect then there is no point because he thinks everyone always gets divorced after getting married

 

That's depressing.

Well, after being with my BF for four months tomorrow, it was practically two weeks before it was assumed that we will get married! As nice as that thought is, We are not ready for that just yet not to mention that I have yet to meet his parents that live over the other side of the country! So how do I deal with his relatives? How can I tell these people to politly back off with the pressure? I'm worried if it heaps up, my BF and I will end up breaking up because of worrying about what other people think!

 

The trouble with many relationships can be the inlaws. Just try to remember they always want the best for their offspring. You can agree to get marriad just don't set a date a few months is no were nearly enough time for that kind of committment. But saying yep to marriage can be fine just dont set the date. it also depends on how much you like been with this person.

Meet his parents and see how you get along with them. If you don't get on with them but still want to stay with this person welcome to the club. lol Many of us do not get along with the inlaws. I only get along with my father inlaw simply because I'm British army and he's ex-British RAF but in the begining it wasn't easy sailing.

Just try to remember though you love this person so do his perents and sometimes its hard remembering that because you can feel as though your competing for his best interests.

before you can agree or not you will have a feel for the future with this person once you have met with his family.






~Raven.

 

Lol, thanks! It's not his parents that are the problem though. They just want my BF to take it slow. Which I agree with and am fine with it. It's just his rellies that are sort of pushing. They are Macedonian and I know they have very strong family values and when my BF explained that I have to meet his mum and dad first, they just said so? I know I shouldn't worry about rellies that are pretty much cousins, but it sort of gets to me. But thanks Hull. Your advice and example helps!

 

Meeting the inlaws i have never found to be a problem, but 4 months is totally rushing it. meeting the parents is a good thing because you get to find out cute things about him. Where he comes from and what his family morals are. But getting wed at that stage in the relationship is scarey because your still getting to know each other (not to mention your just ocming out of the honeymoon stage lol) but hey ya never know because some people get married right away and it just works.

hmmmm can we go back to my question haha...didnt really get any advice yet.lol

 

wordwizard - I saw a Dr. Phil episode on this one time...corny, I know. If I were you, let him know that you will leave if he doesn't commit. Let him know that you want a lifetime commitment. (I bet you've already done all this). Other then that, I'd call in to one of those radio talk shows like Dr. Laura or something and get some advice from her. (That's just what I would do if I were in your shoes). Best of luck.

 

hahahahah good idea. I did all those things you mentioned...not the talk show thing though. Im sure I will figure something out or just go through with my ultimatums. thanks for the reply

 

Ok, here's the skinny on why he is fighting you on the marrige thing.
1: He knows LOTS of horror stories about couples that went to hell once they said "I do"
2: Being single is "him", he has control over every aspect of his identy. Once he is married the old him is gone and he is half a couple instead of a whole person.
3: He's happy with the status quo, any change may lead to the possabilty of a downgrade.
4: He has never know a marrage that did not end in an ugly divorce (parents, friends, etc)
5: It is important to you so it must be a big deal, and big deals are intimadating

 

I know this is a very touchy subject with a lot of people who have a family but I really need advice.
I have been a single mother since November last year and yes it is hard but I love it.
Well the problem is that my ex, who is the father of my children will not accept the fact that we have seperated, he continues to tell people that we are still together and he rings me and leaves messages for me all the time to let me know where he is and what he is doing even though I have told him many times now that it is over for good.
I am trying so hard to do the right thing by him, but he has now started saying to our 3 yr old son that he is coming to get him and take him home and a lot of other things. I know what he has said as I got concerned after my son got really upset after talking to his daddy on the phone and the next time I listened in and was horrified by the things he was trying to convince our 3 yr old of.
I don't know what I should do, can anyone give me some advice?

~Torana

 

Next time he is on the phone with your son-record it for records and if it is bad and concerning -tell an authority, and have the recording on record with them.. I know he is the father of your son, but a relationship break up can make people sketch out and go wierd. Do not take chances with your son. Best of luck

 

What is the deal with blushing? Why does neither sex not do it any more?