Lads and Girls Thread.

I can certainly think of days I didn't like one or the other of them.

But back to sexual relationships. I'm referring to a partnership, whether you call it a marriage, or significant others, or whatever you want to call it. It is probably a sexual relationship, but that's not necessarily the dominant aspect.

You can certainly love someone deeply and still not be able to live with him or her. For a partnership to thrive, both parties must be able to pursue their individual dreams and goals. Each must support the other's efforts.

A relationship where one person surrenders their dreams for someone else is parasitic and unhealthy.
But if both people pursue their dreams, there is a risk that they will grow apart. Keeping the relationship under those conditions will require work, and may be doomed nevetheless.

So yes, relationships do require work. If someone is in a relationship they believe just sustains itself, they are likely to wake up one day to find that the relationship crumbled a while ago, and they just never notced.

My opinion, of course. But one which I have learned the hard way.

 

I think the "true love" he is referring to is shaped by experience and spacial closeness. With your siblings, you can have a closer relationship due to the fact that you will, generally, be raised in the same situations. Parents have another special link due to the fact that they were the ones to foster your growth, and have deeply influenced you with their own actions.

How often do people join groups of others that are seemingly like them? There is a natural tendency to go with individuals like yourself, and I believe it is driven by those primary relationships.

I don't know... whatever. Oh, and "you are" = "you're".

 

Torana I was saying true love comes naturally, relationships require work to sustain it. Love doesn't need sustaining, and as someone pointed out earlier you can love someone and not bear to live with them. I was just saying its easier for a relationship to work with unconditional love rather than conditional. Either way I wasn't saying you ignore the requirements of the relationship.

Wordwizard earlier you said "He says I dont love you like I used to-(ouch) He then says I am not sure if we are going to be able to stay together.(double ouch) then this morning he says I am in love with you. I am not going to leave but somethings got to change. WHAT THE HELL. what does all this mean. Is this guy a goner? should I move out? should I hold on?".

Then you go on to say "I believe true love to be a feeling. An everlasting emotion that doesnt go away."
Hmm, that everlasting feeling which changed at the flick of a switch from your boyfriend? So then you weren't sure of his feelings, but now you are. I get it.

True love is rare yes, I only brought it up because I thought you might benefit exploring your love a little deeper. In truth there is no such thing as 'true' love as there is no such thing as 'false' love. Only varying degrees of the same thing. I was trying to prod you to turn yours up a gear if you felt it possible, to feel at a much deeper level. However if you wish to fall back in the endless cycle of love/hate then it is your choice.

If you want him to love you more, then you feel you haven't got enough love from him. If you feel he isn't giving you enough love, then your relationship is based on a sense of lack. If your relationship is based on a sense of lack you'll always feel there is something missing, something you need to get from the other person which they are witholding from you. This creates a subtle resentment, and you can clearly see the 'clingyness' for yourself.

As for the things I said, I didn't realise they had any attidude in them. They were short passing remarks which weren't meant to offend or belittle your relationship in any way. I saw it as a door that you could go deeper into your relationship with. However if you've been offended by anything i've said here, I apologise.

~E-bow

 

You make a good point about my definition of true love. I guess I cant explain it good enough so that you will understand. I can say we have true love, but sometimes it isnt enough. We are working on strengthining our relationship but just the way you said everything made me automatically want to defend everything. Like you were tearing that everything I believed us to be. You sounded like you knew exactly what was going on and it made me feel like there was nothing I could do to fix the relationship, and that made me super mad. Mostly because you dont know everything, and that it all is just a guess. You make a lot of solid points, but not all of them apply to me. Maybe it would be ok to say those things now, but you said everything too soon and it was hurtful.(ie: slowly tearing off bandaid when scab is stuck to the bandaid.)
anyways I accept your apology, and hope my angry rant didnt send you over any edge either. Lets stop talking about my problems now I have had enough-thanks to all who replied. A lot of it was great help.

 

On a support forum I used to take part in, there was a saying:

Take what you can use, and leave the rest.

 

I like that saying. I think I will use that in this situation. Thanks for that thought.

 

Whats to say true love exists? In my opinion, it doesn't.
"true love" is subjective. No one defines it in exactly the same manner. Thus how can one be more true than the other? Is one more superior than the other? Its all so flawed.

 

None is more superior. True love simply means pure love, not a diluted version full of bodily emotions and set boundaries or conditions. There is no flaw to true love.

 

My boyfriend has been behaving rather badly towards me recently. I've also noticed he's been spending amounts of time with another girl from college he says they are just working together and im being psranoid. But i don't really know. Its rather upsetting because i like him but if he's going to cheat then id rather be seperated from him so i can move on.

 

It sounds to me like your boyfriend likes this girl, but probably hasn't done anything with her yet. He's waiting for the green light to know that she's truly interested and not teasing him. You're just a back up incase he doesn't get it on with her.

Or possibly he's just trying to getyou jealous, and at the same time boost his ego knowing he can still pull girls. You should confront him directly about this if you really like this guy, instead of creating a fictional story in your head and creating unnecessary pain for yourself.

~E-bow

 

I do agree with E-bow somewhat. Also, I believe you two should talk. If the other girl is doing enough to bother you, perhaps there is something more there. He should be sensitive to your feelings and downplay it a little, but you shouldn't try to cut off all of his communications with all women either.

Is there any reason why you might not trust him with her?

 

Trust is important in a relationship. It may be that you have reason to distrust him, or it may be that you carry an insecurity that you will need to examine before you can be successful in a relationship.

In either event, the first necessary step would be to give him trust and not try to hold on too tightly. How he responds to that will tell a lot about the future of the relationship. How you respond will tell you a lot about your future in this or any relationship.

You really have nothing to lose, because if you lose the relationship, you don't have it anyway.

Best wishes....

 

Do you know the girl?
If you share a class or some reason to be in contact with her, you might try talking with her.
Keep it as non-confrontational as possible, and in a public place.
But don't try tracking her down if you don't know her, that could get ugly way too easily.
Good luck.

 

It does sound suspicious but jumping to conclusions isnt good for anybody. Sit down, and have atalk with your guy. Hands down only way to solve it. (try not to argue about it, just express how you feel and dont point out how he is at fault for the situation-otherwise he will feel attacked)

 

This is for the women only.
Why is it that most women get attracted towards the jerks and the assholes? Why do nice guys have to finish last?

Also, what happens if a guy is nice and caring, but at the same time, unpredictable and fun? I'm of the above category (nice, but unpredictable), and I've been pretty successful with women. I was just wondering if that's because I'm nice, or because I'm unpredictable.

 

I'm a guy, and not one to care for rules at times, so I'll give my two cents.

The reason I believe that girls go for these so-called "bad guys" is that they don't have the emotional attachment (or have a hell of a time showing it), and thusly appear more confident due to less worries about rejections. It's not so much them being complete assholes, just the perceived "alpha male" quality, because you always seem to see the girls go off to the nicer guys after a while - and a few "hard knocks".

The second paragraph... though it seems a bit odd to describe yourself as such... well, I would think it vary, depending on the girl in question.

 

Because the women like the bad boys. they have the excitement attached to them.

But if you like a girl and want her you just have to find the way to her heart and if its not to be then its not to be.
Move to the next in line everyone has another out there its just finding that person and once you do love will come.

 

That rule doesn't apply to me. Or maybe i am a bad boy i dont know, i dont think i am but I have no trouble with woman.

Although with that said there is one girl who im wrapt in and seriously need to offload some feelings but im not to sure how i should do it.

 

Frost I think you have bad boy appeal -even on this site. You are pretty blunt and sometimes.....not caring what ppl think-and I think that qualifies.(Although lately you have been pretty nice-so who knows) As for the question of why girls go for bad boys....hmmm Not sure. (I am a girl despite my manly name) It has baffled me and my friends for many years now. Maybe because when the boys are rude to us...it feels great when they decide to be nice again. Like we are worth all the trouble? or maybe its the excitement like you said.That is just my hypothesis...
I think the thing girls like about nice and unpredictable guys...is that they are nice and unpredictable.haha. I now have a guy who is both of those things and it is way way better than the rude guys I went with before. Hang in there...

 

So I guess that works out perfectly for me...I'm nice, and super unpredictable...and I like to get crazy once in a while...
Btw, What really qualifies as nice? I treat my woman nicely, but at the same time, if anyone messes with me, I dont stop even for a second to pick up a fight or something...
I think the definition of 'nice' has been too overgeneralized.

 

Not all girls like the bad guys. I think I got over the bad guy thing in one year when I was fifteen. If guys are jerks or rude and mean or overly crude, then I think they are just plain ..... (u get the idea???!!!) If someone's had a hard life, I give them a chance to be nice before judging but.... Anyways.. If you wanna play the bad boy, trust me, eventually your gonna be seen as a prat and a dumbass. No matter what. So try and show your girl that you can be nice without being too corny! (does any of this make sense?!)

But as for being nice, I mean, surprise her with something nice. Or maybe just be courteous and not be overly crude. Maybe read a romance novel! Hahhaa! Ask her if she wants you to open th door or if she wants you to get something. There's an old saying that sort of goes along the lines of treat others as you want to be treated. Corny, I know, but it's true. You don't want to be treated like crap so don't treat the other person like crap?

(Again, does this make sense?!)

 

I've heard the bad boy/nice guy thing expressed like:

The one you want to play with,
or the one you want to stay with?

I've always preferred to play the latter role, myself, especially after learning the difference between being alone and being lonely. No matter who I am with, I always have to like the person inside my skin.

 

To be honest, I have never wanted or have 'played with' a guy for fun. I don't believe in that. Because it mainly gives you a reputation. But I've found a guy that I want to stay with.

But I also sometimes force myself to like the person inside my skin and thankyou for saying that Cogito. Thankyou.

 

I have to admit in the old days of my youth I was a bit of a bad lad with the women. But Found my wife and consider myself a good guy and have been for sometime.

The Bad Boys might have alot of fun but it soon ends and usually with the nice guys taking the right girl under their arm.

Its true many women like bad boys but then they tend to be bad girls.
Life is a Butterfly On A Wheel and thus we do what we feels right at the time. Sadly not every relationship will work out even the best of lovers fall out.
I would say follow your hearts and see were they lead you too.






~Raven.

 

But isn't love blind???