Lines you never thought you'd hear yourself say

So ... What have you heard coming out of your mouth that you never thought would happen?

My sister just said-
"Thank God I have a lollipop hammer."
(She's in her 50's)

 

Last week I said, "hashtag twinsies" in a non-ironic way. I realized what I said immediately and tried to laugh it off, internally kicking myself.

 

I said someone has a sexy voice just last year. I always thought that didn't make sense, voices being sexy.. But now I see it. Oh god I see it.

 

“I hate history.”

For me, saying that I hate history is like a writer saying that they will give up writing forever because they hate it.

 

Why did you speak this blasphemy?! What kind of evil swooped down on you at that moment?!

 

Up till I about thirteen, I never thought I'd say that I didn't want to do paleontology as a career. But I did. Writing was always a hobby interest though. (I'll never give you up my baby!!)

 

That's what my poor Colonial detective of my historical mystery is currently trying to detective out right now. He's literally going, “What in the blazes happened to my poor author!? One moment he's amazed at the prospect of writing about me and the American Revolution, and the next thing I know, he's declaring he couldn't care less about history -- and to an extent, me!!”

 

I think you might need medical help. I'll call a therapist.

 

I drive a vroom vroom, beep beep.

Came up with that a couple days ago. Told my friend last night and she busted up.

 

"Is it okay to take laxatives long-term?"

And to this day, I still don't know the answer.

 

"I have a meeting with my lawyer tomorrow."


cue intrigue

 

No, it's not. Lol.

 

It actually depends on the reasons why you're taking them to begin with and which ones.

 

"Machine-gun Maintenance Monday is on the announcement board, sir. I don't know what that means to anyone else around here, but I take the board seriously."

 

I thought about getting one of those mail order brides. And after giving it some thought decided it would be awkward when they came to repossess my wife.

(the sad part is, is that it was a real thought.)

 

"Why are you taking my wife, I love her!" "Your loan repayment is overdue. You wanna see her again, you gotta pay the money! This is business, punk."

 

This actually reminds me of an anime. A goddess comes to grant this guy a wish, and he wishes that she could stay with him forever. So, she does, and if anyone tries to come between them then things happen to prevent it lol. At some point I think the dilemma is that she has to go back to heaven or something...

 

Here's a great plot to a story