1. mandypete

    mandypete New Member

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    I need some help coming up with the next line, help?

    Discussion in 'Genre Discussions' started by mandypete, Jun 4, 2010.

    Everything I can think of sounds terrible corny, I want to round off the end of this portion of a song I'm writing:

    I confess to you I pray that I'm enough and you confess that you do the same
    more than anything I want to be you everything

    -After that I've got nothing, it doesn't really have to rhyme but I'd like it to, any suggestions?
     
  2. mammamaia

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    a tad too wordy for a song lyric... doesn't 'flow' well enough to suggest music, imo... and doesn't make much sense, either... i can't tell what it is you're trying to say...

    i'm a lyricist, among other things, so if you want some help with this, you can email me any time at all...

    love and hugs, maia
    maia3maia@hotmail.com
     
  3. madhoca

    madhoca Contributor Contributor

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    When you say you want something to rhyme it's a bit difficult for us because we don't know where the beats and pauses are in the music.

    you could simplify and break these lines in a variety of ways, which would give you different words to hang the rhyme on:

    e.g.

    I confess I want to be enough
    I pray
    That I'm enough
    And you, you say
    You'd do this to be enough
    Be together each day
    That will be enough...

    Hope this helps...
     
  4. mammamaia

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    sprinkling it with rhyming words isn't enough to make it a good lyric, sorry to say... meter and line structure is equally important...

    and though you say it doesn't have to rhyme, mandy, it really does, to work well as a song...
     
  5. Sophie-Jane94

    Sophie-Jane94 New Member

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    Yeahh it is a bit wordy and confusing. If you try and rearrange your words and ideas so they make more sense and flow better, the next line will probably come to you :)
     
  6. madhoca

    madhoca Contributor Contributor

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    Well, the music that came into my head (kind of like Westlife, an Irish group) went well with this meter and structure, and I was not sprinkling random words to make it rhyme, as a matter of fact. I also think that some styles of song need a lot of repetition, but this can look boring when you see the lyrics written out.

    My sister is a retired opera singer and now a music teacher, so I do know just a little about song lyrics and music. I've often helped her adapt music for school performances, musicals and so on.

    But this just proves my point, that as we do not know the beats in the music, and style of song you have in mind, it is hard for us to give feedback on this.
     

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