Mental Health Support Thread (NOT for giving medical advice, or debating)

Slippingbeauty...

Borderline Personality Disorder is an actual personality disorder.

From the Mental Health America web page
http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/

What is a Personality Disorder?
Those who struggle with a personality disorder have great difficulty dealing with other people. They tend to be inflexible, rigid, and unable to respond to the changes and demands of life. Although they feel that their behavior patterns are “normal” or “right,” people with personality disorders tend to have a narrow view of the world and find it difficult to participate in social activities.

Recognizing a Personality Disorder
A personality disorder must fulfill several criteria. A deeply ingrained, inflexible pattern of relating, perceiving, and thinking serious enough to cause distress or impaired functioning is a personality disorder. Personality disorders are usually recognizable by adolescence or earlier, continue throughout adulthood, and become less obvious throughout middle age.

What Causes a Personality Disorder?
Some experts believe that events occurring in early childhood exert a powerful influence upon behavior later in life. Others indicate that people are genetically predisposed to personality disorders. In some cases, however, environmental facts may cause a person who is already genetically vulnerable to develop a personality disorder.

Types of Personality Disorders
There are many formally identified personality disorders, each with their own set of behaviors and symptoms. Many of these fall into three different categories or clusters:
§ Cluster A: Odd or eccentric behavior
§ Cluster B: Dramatic, emotional or erratic behavior
§ Cluster C: Anxious fearful behavior
Since there are too many identified types of personality disorders to explain in this context, we will only review a few in each cluster.
Cluster A:
§ Schizoid Personality Disorder. Schizoid personalities are introverted, withdrawn, solitary, emotionally cold, and distant. They are often absorbed with their own thoughts and feelings and are fearful of closeness and intimacy with others. For example, a person suffering from schizoid personality is more of a daydreamer than a practical action taker.

§ Paranoid Personality Disorder. The essential feature for this type of personality disorder is interpreting the actions of others as deliberately threatening or demeaning. People with paranoid personality disorder are untrusting, unforgiving, and prone to angry or aggressive outbursts without justification because they perceive others as unfaithful, disloyal, condescending or deceitful. This type of person may also be jealous, guarded, secretive, and scheming, and may appear to be emotionally “cold” or excessively serious.

§ Schizotypal Personality Disorder. A pattern of peculiarities best describes those with schizotypal personality disorder. People may have odd or eccentric manners of speaking or dressing. Strange, outlandish or paranoid beliefs and thoughts are common. People with schizotypal personality disorder have difficulties forming relationships and experience extreme anxiety in social situations. They may react inappropriately or not react at all during a conversation or they may talk to themselves. They also display signs of “magical thinking” by saying they can see into the future or read other people’s minds.

Cluster B:
§ Antisocial Personality Disorder. People with antisocial personality disorder characteristically act out their conflicts and ignore normal rules of social behavior. These individuals are impulsive, irresponsible, and callous. Typically, the antisocial personality has a history of legal difficulties, belligerent and irresponsible behavior, aggressive and even violent relationships. They show no respect for other people and feel no remorse about the effects of their behavior on others. These people ware at high risk for substance abuse, especially alcoholism, since it helps them to relieve tension, irritability and boredom.

§ Borderline Personality Disorder.
People with borderline personality disorder are unstable in several areas, including interpersonal relationships, behavior, mood, and self-image. Abrupt and extreme mood changes, stormy interpersonal relationships, an unstable and fluctuating self-image, unpredictable and self-destructive actions characterize the person with borderline personality disorder. These individuals generally have great difficulty with their own sense of identity. They often experience the world in extremes, viewing others as either “all good” or “all bad.” A person with borderline personality may form an intense personal attachment with someone only to quickly dissolve it over a perceived slight. Fears of abandonment may lead to an excessive dependency on others. Self-multilation or recurrent suicidal gestures may be used to get attention or manipulate others. Impulsive actions, chronic feelings of boredom or emptiness, and bouts of intense inappropriate anger are other traits of this disorder, which is more common among females.

§ Narcissistic Personality Disorder. People with narcissistic personality have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, are absorbed by fantasies of unlimited success, and seek constant attention. The narcissistic personality is oversensitive to failure and often complains of multiple somatic symptoms. Prone to extreme mood swings between self-admiration and insecurity, these people tend to exploit interpersonal relationships.

Cluster C:
§ Avoidant Personality Disorder. Avoidant personalities are often hypersensitive to rejection and are unwilling to become involved with others unless they are sure of being liked. Excessive social discomfort, timidity, fear of criticism, avoidance of social or work activities that involve interpersonal contact are characteristic of the avoidant personality. They are fearful of saying something considered foolish by others; worry they will blush or cry in front of others; and are very hurt by any disapproval by others. People with avoidant personality disorder may have no close relationships outside of their family circle, although they would like to, and are upset at their inability to relate well to others.

§ Dependent Personality Disorder. People with dependent personality disorder may exhibit a pattern of dependent and submissive behavior, relying on others to make decisions for them. They require excessive reassurance and advice, and are easily hurt by criticism or disapproval. They feel uncomfortable and helpless if they are alone, and can be devastated when a close relationship ends. They have a strong fear of rejection. Typically lacking in self-confidence, the dependent personality rarely initiates projects or does things independently. This disorder usually begins by early adulthood and is diagnosed more frequently in females than males.

§ Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder. Compulsive personalities are conscientious and have high levels of aspiration, but they also strive for perfection. Never satisfied with their achievements, people with compulsive personality disorder take on more and more responsibilities. They are reliable, dependable, orderly, and methodical, but their inflexibility often makes them incapable of adapting to changed circumstances. People with compulsive personality are highly cautious, weigh all aspects of a problem, and pay attention to every detail, making it difficult for them to make decisions and complete tasks. When their feelings are not under strict control, events are unpredictable, or they must rely on others, compulsive personalities often feel a sense of isolation and helplessness.

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Here slippingbeauty, take this test. See what sore you get
http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/borderline.htm

 

I too can be very sociable. Introvert is not used in the context of you being unsociable, it means that you have to expend energy in social situations and eventually tire of them. An Extrovert on the other hand gains energy and thrives in social situations.

I also know what you mean about explaining yourself. I manage a team of people in my job and I genuinely have to dumb down what I would like to say so that they can understand it. I'm not necessarily saying it's their fault or that they are stupid people but we definitely don't work on the same frequency. Can I ask, do you find that you prefer to use a single correct word or term to describe something rather than two or three less appropriate words or terms? For example, would you describe a cloud as a cumulus or as a fluffy cotton wool cloud?

Your interest in discussing philosophy and the deeper meaning of things also leads me to believe you are INTP, also called the Thinker or the Architect. Understanding is key for INTP, they like to take stuff apart (be that physically or figuratively), understand the parts that make the whole, understand the fundamental essence of things...nothing gives them a greater buzz. I think that your interest in philosophising is a manifestation of this.

A friend of mine nailed it for me a good few years ago. He said that we are all puppets, every single one of us. He said that our problem was that we could see the strings knowing that we could never cut them.

 

("...nah the only madness is thinking that the others aren't all mad in their own ways too..." smiled the goblin looking forward to whatever slipingbeauty would post towards him now, adding "...and besides too, who wants some sanitized sanity anyway, I mean who can possibly write like that from that narrow mindset, surely no one wants to read sanity today, so no, just accept that you are different in your way, hiding in full view as you must, and then be your alter-ego here, where here my dear human you can be absolutely anything for all this is, and all that it will ever be too, are mere words upon your screen, just one's virtual reality I am told though I do prefer to call it by its other name of fiction here...", and with that hit upon the accept button to her friendship request, saying "...so feed me now, you write so well that I am not the slightest bit interested in those blogs and books of elsewhere, nah not rapport in any of that elsewhere, I mean why should I be it that elsewhree when forumland is the real readership today...")

 

If you find your friends to be petty and shallow, maybe you should find new friends. It sounds like you're frustrated because you have no one to connect with, no compatible friends.

Maybe you spend more time introspecting than the average person. Most artistic-types do. That's what art is for! It's an outlet for your thoughts and ideas. Why not put what's in your head in tangible form so everyone can see what you're all about? Maybe you can communicate and connect with people better that way.

Like others have said, you can't be deep and brooding all the time. There has to be some balance. I can understand why you're bored with frivolous conversations; it drives me nuts when people around me prattle on about nothing but pop-culture and boyfriends and catty BS. On the flip side, I definitely don't want to ponder the meaning of life all the time. I get why you retreat into your own little world. More people are like that than you think. Don't be so conceited as to think no one on this planet is capable of understanding your internal woes. You just need to find people who have similar interests, and they are out there.

Just my $0.02.

 

Of course there needs to be a balance, for me that balance has to come from two polar opposite lives from which I will switch back and forth... I dont only have a deep artistic side to me, I even love to watch stupid TV series sometimes myself. Actually some friends of mine annoy me very much, because they seem to continuously have such a serious outlook on life without ever getting up and actually doing something in the spur of the moment.
So yes I totally know what you mean and I do need that balance, I guess its just waaaayy easier to get one side of me satisfied than it is to satisfy the other side of me.
Youre right about the introspected factor also

 

Erm... An example of someone hiding something from a friend doesn't prove the point that people hide things from friends? This isn't making sense to me.

Are you saying that being bisexual is a deep secret and is therefore somehow different? But your whole complaint is that people don't reveal their depths, right? This person hid that he was bisexual. Someone else might hide the fact that their parent is an abusive alcoholic. Another might hide their feelings about a parent's or sibling's death. Another might hide the fact that their mother is a hoarder and that they can't have anyone into their home because it's littered with cat feces.

People don't tell these things easily. First they have to trust others. And they're not all that likely to trust someone who expresses contempt for their surface interests, who slaps them in the face, who plays pranks like forcing them to kiss one another.

Your friends don't exist to serve or entertain you. If you want to progress to the point of deep conversations, that's not something you're entitled to, it's somethng that you earn, often by tolerating the trivia while a bond of trust is formed.

 

It might be a good idea for you to grow out of your 'I'm like sooo special and no one understands me'-phase.

 

This OP is just seeking attention.

 

Some of my friends get me, some don't. At 43, I'm learning not to care about that so much any more, and just get on with what of my life I can

 

bravo, ian!

it's best not to lead your life to please others, but only to do what you feel is right, regardless of their choices and opinions...

 

I have nothing more than the major understanding and vague relation of what you are going through. I'm 15, but i've already hit my fair share of injustice and inadequacy in my teenage days. I'm still a teenager, but perhaps a more experienced one. People tend to forget that we are not perfect, we feel based on how we think and take things for granted sometimes. Living a life of anger and frustration with the world is a disastrous thing to go through. It's like a crashing wave on a beach, expect it feels like your not going anywhere, or a car that drives and drives and somehow it can't reach it's destination. Some of us are the misguided birds who fall out of a tree, and need guidance to get back up and fly. We are all creatures of flaws and pure emotion. We inflict our moods by how we convey our words and speech patterns. We vent to crucify any decrempancy that pulls us down. We admire things that make us aware and focused. We sometimes try to measure success by how we look and how we dress, but in the hidden rule of all the generic formalities of social interaction we discreetly ignore the real truth that make us so capable of grasping and achieving. We forget to put the past behind us, we forget to understand what true individuality means, we forget of what we used to be because of the determination to be accepted among a group of other people. Success is not measured by what society presents, but more of what you present. Soceity is a curtain rod of collectivism and peer pressure.

A real successful person utilizes they're gifts for the greater good of themselves and others and attempt to spread the vivacious dose of unity and kindness. When we use kindness for not only our self by respecting what we do with our lives, it slowly hinders positively and grows inside the bottom of our hearts. People will grow fond of you, and the negativity will disperse like a distant fog. The pain will be drained, fading away so quickly you'll forget all the gloom that continued to indoctrinate in your mind. Finding ways to spread you're true colors is as easy as waking up in the morning, it's simple and refreshing.

Being yourself is the key to a happy life, people will disagree, others will simply be more than overjoyed, but the life you choose to live is what you should see that fits. Expressing you're thoughts and venting is always a good way to let off steam to an extent,but you don't want to drag anybody else down with you.

Reach out for others is the goal for seeking what's true to yourself buried beneath all the cobwebs. Doing things for others for no rewards is the greatest gift in life, which will circulate on your actions and eventually kindness will be embraced on you in return. Asking for help is not something you should be afraid of, sometimes life is tough and we need a good friend to offer a helping hand. Many people struggle with themselves every waking day, behind those emotionless blurbs and conversations is a mask that has never been takened off. Many of us hide who we truly are. We tend to run away from anything that even intrigues us to the slightest. You must never shy away from you're emotions to you're friends. True friends are there for you every breathing second of you're life.

You must ask for help from you're friends, sometimes behind the casual facade is a true beauty to behold. A true story to be told. You never know until you try.

I have only one request for you. Will you walk into the world unafraid? Will you love and cherish what you have? Will you rise from the ashes and raise your flag? Will you try again? Will you seek to understand the common needs for others? Will you embrace the gift of life?

Life is too short, it should be welcomed as a blessing. I hope you are inspired by what i have said and change your gloomy cloud into a bright stream of light. Remember, you are not alone. You are not worthless. You are a human being truly worth of value. Nothing can change that.

Never forget that there will always be somebody there for you. No matter the consequences.

Live on

 

It makes perfect sense. Just because something happened once does not mean that is what happens most of the time. If you find a round rock, do that mean all rocks are round? No of course not. It just means that particular rock was round and nothing more.

 

Go to "general settings" from the "forum actions" drop down menu and you'll find an "edit ignore list." Click on that and add the member's name to the list.

 

But she seemed to be arguing that (1) people don't hide things from friends and (2) well, that example doesn't count because the person had a _reason_ to hide that thing from friends. And then she's complaining that people don't share the deep parts of their life.

Well, there's a reason to hide most of the deep parts of your life. That's why they're deep. Most people don't offer those depths to strangers in the hope that they'll win friends that way; they wait for the friendship to form, and they start that friendship in the shallows.

If someone treats your first efforts at connecting, your surface preferences and tastes, with contempt, you're not likely to offer them anything more. If they treat them with respectful interest, you'll start taking more chances.

In the OP's posts, I see a consistent contempt for the people that she interacts with. Until she can tame that contempt and treat those people with respect, waiting for the opportunity for deeper friendships, then I don't think that those deeper friendships are going to happen.

She seems desperate for instant "depth" - slapping people in the face, forcing guys to kiss against their inclinations. But those things are just as shallow as the things for which she has contempt - in fact, I'd argue that they're more shallow, because they don't even serve as a first step for anything deeper. They're just shocks. Sour is no deeper than sweet; they're both simplistic tastes. Depth and complexity require patience.

 

Any suggestions?

I have a paralyzing case of severe depression. Have had it now for three years, and it does for my writing what cement dividers do for cars that stray left of the line. I can't concentrate, focus is completely shot, and I'm angry most of the time. Counseling is not an option--I have no medical coverage and can't afford even the sliding scale docs. Whatever black cloud I've got hanging over me, it's not lifting. How do you write through this? Anyone have experience with this sort of thing?

 

ive been there to an extent, i dealt with it, by writing all of my emotions out onto a page, i didnt pay any attention to the rules of writing and just did, if i had to do it all again from your perspective, i wish id started sooner, just get all those dark thoughts out, there may be something in there that could be used for a horror piece, which is what i did for the start of mine Twinsanity.

trust me, it does get better, have the patience to know it takes a while, and feel free to contact me if ever you want someone to talk to

 

If I wrote mine out, it would fill an entire book, and it would be nonfiction. You might have an idea there.

 

Yup. Very easy to fall into that rabbit hole and very difficult to fly out of. What worked for me? Writing about a character with the life that "everybody envies" then making her slowly go insane. It was awesome. I felt so much better knowing that I could control her and it gave me a little superhero complex - I could save her at any time, or not. Right now she's passed out on the floor, has been for 4 years. She's fine right where she is.


btw, great line --> what cement dividers do for cars that stray left of the line

As far as depression goes, don't make things all about you. Difficult I know, because things should be personal and those of us that could use a vat of self-confidence have a harder time not thinking the universe continually conspires against us, but try, one event at a time. And make a list of all the favorite lines you've ever written, the ones that you love or are so proud of, and read them regularly. Then make a list of 100 things you love. It's easier than you think. Then go back and read that. Just try it.

 

Writing through depression can be done - but I found it was a balance between rants against everything (anger is definitely a component of mine) and very short bits of actual creativity. Add acceptance that some days you just can't write - hell, can't even get out of bed!

As to professional help, don't know where you live but there should be some local support groups close by - check out the National Alliance on Mental Illness (http://www.nami.org/ - they have a lot of resources, including locally, and may point you to financial assistance or free programs you can utilize.

 

do it, trust me, you will feel better for doing so, i did, things arent so dark for me any more... i have my days, but i just write, and it takes the darkness away

 

God, I have been there so many times. What actually helped me was writing about things that had no connection to my own life. My characters included a 50-something Queen's Messenger and an immigrant chambermaid at a Premier Inn Hotel.

The stories I wrote are unpublishable, and I don't like reading them, but they allowed me to escape for a little while.

Also: Alcohol will make depression worse.

 

I do. And it's difficult. In terms of writing through tough times, set the limit. Two hours, or half an hour, or two hundred words, or whatever is easy and minimum effort (do the same with exercise). And then do it religiously, at least five days a week. Eventually, it'll become second nature.

However, you have to keep in mind that when you are depressed, every idea or a suggestion seems impossible to achieve, precisely because the black cloud is affecting everything. It's like an extreme case of pessimism. The thing is, you need treatment if you are sick, and there has to be a way. Just make sure you don't give up before you try, kind of thing. Because the best thing you can do for your writing in the long run, is to start feeling better.

 

I've been struggling to write through depression for almost a decade now. One of the best things you can do is basically do what these people above me have said - write how you feel, forsake all rules which can easily prohibit you from getting your emotions out. But most importantly? Write outside, in a park, or a coffee shop, or somewhere public. Part of the reason depression has such a grip on us is because it wants to keep us in a comfort zone which really isn't a comfort zone at all; and I'm guessing your 'comfort zone' is in your room? I know it is for me, and many other depressed people.

I've started writing in public recently, and I've noticed a bit of a positive change.

 

I've been fighting (I use the word liberally for some periods) depression for half my life. Even after considerable help I have bad days and weeks. Sometimes I just want to ball up in a corner and cry for no good reason (and I'm not normally prone to crying). It doesn't help that, having grown up with it, I'm addicted to the feeling. If I'm not careful, as soon as I start to feel down, I'll just chase it deeper into despair.

Through the worst of that, though, writing was my escape. I could go somewhere else where I had control of everything. It was the one means of expression I had. My main characters were almost always an expression of me, of what I wanted to do or what I wanted done. The fantasy I wrote was literally my fantasy. I managed to complete a 500-something page atrocity of a novel and got it self-published when I was 19. Some days I just didn't feel like writing but I forced myself through it. I sometimes took breaks to watch TV or something to clear my head but I'd always get back on the computer and push out words.

Don't get me wrong, though. I completely understand the lack of will and/or patience to write. Sometimes there's just nothing you can do. Find a different outlet. Maybe you need input rather than output. Or maybe you just need to buckle down and produce something, anything. There was one point recently where I just couldn't do anything to my satisfaction, no matter what, so I just wrote something absurd and stupid simply so I would write.

But at the end of the day, you need help, in whatever form that may end up being. There are support groups (as shadowwalker mentioned), supportive friends, and clinics specially catered to those without insurance. I find tea (brewed fresh from loose leaves... the bagged stuff is generally cr*p) an incredibly soothing and calming addition to my life (I recommend Teavana). I was also referred to an herb called kratom, which is completely legal and harmless (unless you're sensitive to massive amounts of fiber), that is a natural mood booster. I can generally kick bad days with a few of those and the results are noticeable by those around me (try ordering a sample pack of Bali or Thai capsules from here if you've got the money). Just don't take too many too often or you'll develop a tolerance for the effects. I lucked out and found a best friend with a natural talent for psychology who's thankfully had the patience to rehabilitate me.

 

Depression and sadness have a cause. Or, instead, there's no cause to the contrary.
Look into yourself, at your life, your past, yourself at present. If you know yourself, and if you can see yourself any moment, then you should be able to identify what creates your depression. Still, finding the cause is one thing, it's easy. But fixing, removing it, or adding something you need to your life, or changing something, so there would be no reason to be depressed is different, I'd say even harder.

Happiness can be sort of generated even if there's no real cause for it. It's similar to acting, just "smile". But will wear you down in another way, eventually.

As to professional help... that's a waste of time.
If you want help, if you care about yourself, then simply look into and at yourself, get to know yourself. The only way you can do that is taking a part of yourself and asking "why", then you answer it, then you ask again, and answer that one as well, and so on. If you know yourself, see yourself, then depression won't come, and if it does it will be very easy to deal with because you'd see what causes it.

One major problem with most humans is that they don't know themselves, they don't even see themselves. They've never had a reason or motivation to begin that extremely important journey. To make it even worse, they don't even see what is around them, not truly.

Writing outside, in public places. The "positiveness". It comes from being around other people, seeing them even in the distance, moving or talking, or just knowing they are there is in some cases enough. There's probably as well the notion "Look. At me. I'm doing something!" After all, we are a "pack" species, or something similar, we aren't evolved to living in individual isolation.