Mental Health Support Thread (NOT for giving medical advice, or debating)

It took me a long time to see a doctor about my anxiety, and I wish I'd done it years sooner. Those little pills are a godsend.

...but some days, still not enough. I'm having a bad day. Going to book some time off work next week to have a rest.

 

Aww, @Tenderiser! Come over, we'll have smores.

 

Emotional stress is destroying my physical body. Wah.

 

I just have to turn all this rumination, absolute terror and hopelessness into something positive. I have the ingredients. Just need a good recipe and chef.

 

Once you find that recipe and chef, mind sending it my way? I could use it.

 

Session with an 8 year old today, wherein we pretty much just threw paper airplanes around, turned my frown upside down.

Here is a thing about the critical inner voice. Good stuff.

 

I'm here for a whinge if you folks don't mind. I've been getting really bad restless leg syndrome due to my meds. My pdoc and I decided to reduce my dosage by 200mg for a period of three months to see whether that sported out the problem. It didn't, and in turn my mind became a bit racey. So... do I quit the medication that has been keeping me on an even keel this past year, and try one of my doc's alternatives coctails, or do I put up and shut up? Decisions...decisions.

 

Any chance you're also iron-deficient? I know the medication for bipolar can trigger restless leg syndrome, but if that's accompanied by anaemia, it's worse. Supplementing with iron (if a blood test shows deficiency) might help.

 

That's a tricky one. How much is the RSL affecting you?

 

The interest fixation of autism can sometimes prove an advantage, even in people who lack savant powers, but the tics and repetitive body movements essentially seal the coffin as far as appearing normal is concerned. At best, they create an appearance of anxiety; at worst, they make us obviously, unnervingly different, and I imagine many outsiders take them as a sign of mental retardation.

Strip away the worst sensory and organizational symptoms, exaggerate the proficiency for rote memory and mechanical detail, and the system remains a very different breed, even if it might no longer be solidly defective. Many will improve, but few will ever climb high enough to escape the DSM's criteria. Someone with a missing leg or a mild attentional disorder might speak of overcoming their disability; the autistic has the task of forging it into something flexible enough to survive.

 

@Tenderiser It's pretty bad right now. I've been messing with when I take my meds in order to ensure I don't start to twitch as I lay down to sleep, but it's not really working as I'm too tired during the day to get anything done.

@jannert I was reading up this morning, and came to pretty much the same conclusion.... I'm gonna nip out later and grab an Iron supplement and see if it helps. My next appointment is in May but if I don't start to feel better in a few weeks, I'll give my doc a call. He'd rather I did that than suffer in silence, and by that point we should know if we should be looking elsewhere. Kidney problems run in my family and, from what I've read, that would be the next thing on the checklist. A lot of women get it towards the end of pregnancy, and at the age I'm at now hormone balance is up the left so that might be something else to look into.

 

I'd be careful about taking iron supplements without a blood test result showing you need them. They can build up to toxic levels, like most minerals can, and if you're not needing them, they can be dangerous to take. My husband is presently on iron because of his surgery, but the prescription is not a repeat. He'll need to get tested every time it's up for renewal, and once he's reached a stable level, they'll discontinue the tablets.

It's most likely that your medicine for bipolar has helped to create this situation, and as you really need to keep taking these, it might help to look for balance in other areas. Iron deficiency is one possible area ...but only if your blood tests show that.

 

I would see what other options the doctor has. Some of the stuff that's come out in the last couple of years has a much lower incidence of side effects. I don't know how the pharmacies work in Ireland, but if it's been greenlit by the FDA here, it should be available there too, right?

 

@Jack Asher My doc mentioned on my last visit that there were a couple of approved meds from the U.S. he could try me on. I'm a bit loathe to as the full dose of Seroquel is balancing me out quite nicely. Gone is the frenetic energy, delusions. running my mouth off, nights with sod all sleep, and I feel reasonably energetic during the day. It would be a perfect fit but for these cramps that started eight months in. The reason I stayed off meds for so long was because my last consultant constantly tinkered with cocktails. I didn't know my ass from my elbow half the time. I think it's better to try and sort out and treat the side-effect at this juncture. If that fails, then I'll consider other options. I know at this point I can't mess around as the condition has definitely worsened as I've got older. Being unmedicated is no longer an option.

@jannert Worry not... I get regular bloods done. It was remarked upon that my iron levels were uncharacteristically low last time, but not by a huge margin. I haven't been paying close attention to my diet of late, as I'm neither bingeing nor starving myself. Could probably do with a bit more green leafy veg and a steak or two, if I'm honest

 

Oh, thank goodness. I was afraid I might have sent you off in the wrong direction and talked you in to poisoning yourself. Yeah, maybe you CAN start taking iron supplements ...or eating more liver and onions? The good news is, if your iron levels had dropped, that's probably a factor ...meaning if you bring them back up, the leg problem may disappear. Here's hoping....

 

Or you could take in too much iron and get constipated. Even our beautiful vitamins and minerals have awesome side effects!

 

I knew it was seroquel!

If it works for you, that's great and I'm glad, but I had the akithesia too, and it sucks big time. I got off of that med as soon as I realized that was an option, I couldn't keep waking up exhausted.

And you are right. There is no treatment plan for bipolarity that doesn't include medication. It's our lot in life.

 

I had the shakes horribly from lithium, and that's when I found tegretol. Of course I had to find it myself, as the nurse practitioner I had at the time didn't know he ass from a hole in the ground.

 

Litium is so outdated and has so many side effects. I don't think it's worth it at all. We have much much better mood stabilizers now. Just because a bipolar person's blood contains low lithium levels doesn't mean just pumping the chemical into them is going to work.

 

I wish this thread would've been posted sooner! I could've used it two months ago.

I was in a very bad way. I hesitate to call it "depression" but I was definitely sad. Really sad. The worst kind of sad. I felt useless and invisible, like I could be plucked out of the world and no one's lives would change. My family basically ignores me. I've lived in Virginia for two years and no one has even offered to visit me. I have three nephews that I've never even met. My old friends in my home town don't even reach out anymore. So I just felt.. useless. Like my existence was just a waste.

I stopped posting on here because I'd type up this huge response, trying to help someone with their writing issues... Then I'd read it back and think it was shit. "They don't care what you think," I said. "You aren't an English major and you've only managed to write one shitty first draft. Let the experts help them." When I finally did push past that inner demon, I still felt silly. Like people were reading my post, saying, "What was she thinking?" Took me a while to get over that.

I just couldn't bring myself to be happy. I tried to hide it, and I think I did pretty well. My husband had no idea how I was feeling, and I'm weirdly proud of that. I used to feel this way in high school too, but I talked about it then. And people would inevitably accuse me of doing it for attention. "You aren't really suicidal," my sister would say. "You just want someone to pay attention to you." And unfortunately, that stuck. So now I don't talk about it because I don't want people to think that of me. I don't want to be labeled as the girl who cried for attention again. So I hid it. Even from my therapist that I see every two weeks. But it was there. I couldn't stop myself from thinking... There are good people out there, dying nobly from cancer or sacrifice or war. And I'm just here, unemployed, no friends, no connection to my family, wasting space. Why should those people, who lived such great and honorable lives, have to die so young and tragically, yet I was still alive? It just seemed unfair. My life felt forfeit. Like I was robbing someone else of their chance to live.

I browsed some suicide prevention pages. I didn't think they'd help, but they did after a while. I kept trying to remind myself of the things they said. "Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain." I think that was the quote that saved me because it really stuck with me. It allowed me to open up more to my therapist about how sad I was, though I didn't get into details. I never did tell my husband though.

I'm just glad I got through it, and now I have the knowledge to (hopefully) prevent another episode.


ETA: I'm now embarrassed I posted this and think everyone is judging me.

 

No, that's why I like this thread. I don't think anybody will be judging you here. In fact, people will gain understanding of what you're going through and what you've been through. It's not your fault you suffer from depression, and you are certainly coping. I feel bad that you feel so isolated, but I reckon you've got friends here on this forum who understand, because they go through similar episodes themselves. And of course, because they are also good people.

 

@Lea Brooks

No judgement here.

Much of what you've described, I've experienced, even your feelings about this forum. I have the virtual equivalent of reams and reams of replies that have never been posted. Why? For exactly the same reasons you gave.

I also understand what you mean by your 'life felt forfeit'. Although I tend toward mania, I rapid cycle and the depression element is preceded by mixed feelings of sadness and intense irritability. Each time I suffer what can only be described as an existential crisis. I question everything, especially the nature of the world and my place in it. When I measure myself against the yardstick of others, I inevitably fall short. It's not unlike Imposter Syndrome in that respect. The dip occurs often enough that my self-confidence takes a right battering, so much so that I can't even recognise my accomplishments, or worse still, I attribute my successes to someone/something else. For example: In my mind I didn't get the last job promotion because I was the best candidate; I got it because someone else put a word in. Total bollocks of course, but try telling that to me at the time. All I knew was that I felt completely unworthy. I even gave the interview panel reasons why they shouldn't hire me but, luckily, they knew it was the BP talking. (And that's why I strongly advocate full and frank disclosure in the workplace.) In the end, they had more confidence in my abilities than I had.

As for suicidal ideation/attention seeking, I don't know if you remember seeing a pic I posted in the Picture Thread a while ago. It was a B&W, shot through heavy iron railings with a billboard just beyond. Although some of the letters are concealed by the bars, the mind fills in the gaps to read, 'Attention Seeker.' I named the photo, 'Stigma' and it pretty much sums up how hurtful and isolating these accusations can be.

But...you don't have to feel isolated. If ever you need to an ear, or need to rant or let off steam, feel free to msg me. We all mask our feelings in one way or another, but don't let it become a point of pride as it's not helpful. Sometimes it's better to let these feelings out, rather than attempt to contain them.

 

Does anyone else try to maintain some kind of mindfulness practice? I try to stretch on my yoga mat and focus on breathing every morning when I wake up. This morning I did a 20 minute sitting. All kinds of research that mindfulness can reduce symptoms of many kinds, has lots of health benefits.

Also, anybody into positive psychology? 3 good things exercise very helpful.

 

I don't do yoga or meditation or anything. I just don't have the dedication for it. They say it takes six months to form a habit -- the most I can last is two. But I have a little mantra I say when I'm feeling particularly down. "I am not weak." It works for the most part.

 

Cool!

You write, right?