Mental Health Support Thread (NOT for giving medical advice, or debating)

I have Bi Polar, rather than straight up depression and so can't be prescribed SSRIs, but I am on some reasonably heavy duty psychiatric meds, that produce similar side effects, i.e. foggy brain. The one thing I've noticed, is my body and brains ability to build up a tolerance to the drugs. My initial doses floored me but now, several months in, that has pretty much stopped. I still get tired quickly but my work is a lot more cohesive, and has heart that my previous unmedicated efforts didn't. I was in greater danger of misrepresenting my characters due to the numbness depression causes, or by schmaltzy over-sentimentality caused by a general mood of feeling sorry for myself. I totally get your conundrum. My way round it was simply to tinker about with the style of my writing. I took to writing in First Person, rather than Third so I could take on the mantle of someone other than, well...me. Then I simply acted the part. It's kinda weird to think that taking the meds has been instrumental in helping me find my voice, as opposed to my trying to find the voice I thought others would buy into. Honestly, it's been freeing.

 

I'm lucky in that mine don't give me any side effects, but I've had friends who became completely numbed. They didn't even care about their own lives, let alone their fictional characters'.

If I were you I'd wait it out for perhaps 6-8 weeks, by which time temporary side effects should have calmed down. If you're still experiencing problems by then, they're unlikely to go away.

There are many types of SSRI, and other medications besides, so it's not the end of the world if you come off these particular ones

 

SSRI's did tend to "numb" me to a degree. It's all about finding a combo that works for you. For me, it was a SNRI, beta-blocker, and a mild benzo for sleep. If your meds make you numb or make it hard for you to write, talk to your prescribing doctor.

 

I have taken SSRIs on and off for prolonged periods. While they were a lot better than being depressed to the point of feeling suicidal they stopped me writing 100%. The "hole in the page" as Stephen King calls it, would never open.

I mean, I was so ill I wouldnt have written much anyway so i guess it balanced out.

Its the reason I ignored my doctor's advice to take them forever though.

 

I suffer with depression, and I honestly don't know how it's possible for people to write without medication. I cannot read, I cannot sleep, I cannot function when in that state. I can barely even watch TV, my mind simply will not focus.

If you can function fine without the medicine then I say just try it for a few months and see what happens. If you feel worse, then stop it. For many people some anti-depressants can make things worse or cause side effects, but that doesn't mean all of them will. There are lots of different types, some didn't work at all for me, others helped.

There are SSRIs, Tricyclics and SNRIs. SSRIs never did much for me, I had more success with Tricyclics but the side effects are worse. SNRIs I've found a bit hit and miss in effect but have far fewer side effects.

 

My anxiety is starting to come back. It's been building ever since I got this promotion at work, and I fear it won't let up any time soon.

There's a lot of pressure on me, though I'm probably the only one putting it there. I feel like every decision I make is scrutinized and judged. Like every word I say is met with derision -- like they just want me to go away and leave them alone. Like every mistake I make is met with eye rolls -- like they're second guessing the decision to give me this position. Like they and I would be better off if I just stepped down or quit and let someone more qualified and articulate fill the role.

None of this is actually happening, of course -- at least not to my knowledge. But that doesn't stop my brain from thinking it. Doesn't stop my anxiety from blowing every situation out of proportion and leaving me crippled with the thought that I'm a failure.

I'm doing my best to keep it restrained and hidden -- from my coworkers and my husband. I talked to my therapist about it, but she was weirdly no help. Just kept saying, if they didn't think I was qualified, they wouldn't have given me the job. But in my mind, they didn't give me a chance to prove I could handle it. They only saw me work a couple times before they offered it to me. I almost feel like the only reason I got the job was because no one else was fit for it. And while that should make me feel better -- that I'm more qualified than them -- it only makes me feel worse. I didn't get the job because I'm good -- I got the job because everyone else sucks. Again, probably not true. But that doesn't prevent me from feeling this way.

So I've been trying to help myself. I've done tarot reading after tarot reading. At least five of them. And every reading tells me I'm fine. I'm where I need to be. Stay the course. Everyone views me in a positive way. And while tarot normally helps me put things into perspective, it's doing nothing for me today. I have to work in two hours, but I'd rather call out and wallow in my own failure. I won't do that, because responsibility screams stronger in me than anxiety. But again, it doesn't stop my brain from thinking it. Damned if I go in, damned if I stay home.

I hate my brain. -_-

 

Oh, that all sounds so familiar @Lea`Brooks. I have the same problems when moving from job to job. It doesn't matter how capable I prove myself to be. I'm my own worst enemy.

 

So I'm at work... I'm supposed to finish scanning outs before I leave tonight, and I've only done a third of the store in four hours. I have two hours left.

Apparently I'm wearing my failure face today. This was the last thing I needed today.

 

That happens to me sometimes. Some days I feel like I hadn't done a proper enough job, whereas other days I feel pretty good about it.

And now I feel a twinge of anxiety in me for no apparent reason. Guess it's just my Generalized Anxiety going, “Nothing big and major to worry about in your life? WELL TAKE THIS, BITCH!!” Good thing I'm cleaning my bathroom and doing laundry today, that seems to help me.

 

Thank you for posting about all your different experiences, being able to identify with you has been very reassuring . Since I first started this conversation I have come off the antidepressants, this is my first real experience of them, and unless I am ever at the stage of suicidal thoughts, it is hopefully my last.

Without turning this into a thread about mental health issues, my depression is something I've realised I'm going to have to live with. I've lived with it in varying degrees since childhood and am fast coming to the conclusion it is a part of me as much as an arm or leg. I am never going to be cured, I am just better or worse. I'm going to have to formulate other strategies to stop myself sliding into the worse end of the spectrum. I can fully understand why some people need the antidepressants to be able to function and write. For me, at my worst I couldn't write. Then I took the antidepressants and I could write but it was just words, one in front of the other.

Someone asked my husband a few months ago why on earth I worked in a scientific field when I was so creative, this side of my personality had just disappeared on the antidepressants. I'm also very musical and my music teachers always praised my god given ability to 'feel music' when I played, yet I felt nothing hearing music on the antidepressants, it was just noise, and this was how my writing was.

 

Yeah me too. I just had nothing to say when I was on the SSRIs.

As you say though, being depressed doesn't help you write either. I would always recommend people seek help for depression at the earliest opportunity and never write off pharmacological treatment.

 

Anyone else have a problem with their anger. I could go from 0 meaning just standing around, completely silent to 100 to full on rage (screaming at someone, leaping over and strangling someone, etc)? I haven't done it yet, but I have a feeling I would.

 

It definitely sounds like it wasn't for you then. But perhaps consider trying a different one, they do have different effects and if you do find one that helps then it's a godsend.

 

@Quixote's Biographer

First things first: For me 'squirrel' is when I abruptly switch focus.

I was diagnosed with ADD as a child, following that was parade of medicines some of which defeated their purpose (the ones that gave me severe stomach aches did not help me with my studies -_- ). Through high school I took an extremely effective medicine (for me) that helped a lot however, the medicine left me with the emotional capacity of robot instead of a girl with vibrant emotions. The difference was startling so as an adult I decided not to take the medicine. I make it work for me. I had to train to myself to find that laser focus, even if that means going into my office for some "time out" lol. Being outdoors helps me focus as well. At minimum I have to be doing two things at once like reading/working while listening to music or a movie for example. There are also times when I let go and simply enjoy my squirreliness- much to my friends' amusement. I think being ADD is wonderful personally, yes most days I have the attention span of a gnat, however it is in those moments where I have learn to pack it in and double time my work, then squirrel, focus back on work, what-was-that squirrel etc. ^ ^ I am a voracious learner and must learn something new everyday and my ADD contributes itself to that. Gah I am even ADD in my need to know things across the spectrum of what there is to learn and know. My close friends have learned to understand 'Seraph' as my subject changes while seemingly random usually have a thread of something in common, while I have trained myself to focus on the topic on hand while talking with clients. If I am having a rough day, I let loose where I can with my randomness and inability to focus when possible even if that means I need to take five minute breaks and move around or focus on whatever my attention is shifting to for a short amount of time (five minute indulgence no more than that). I give heads up to my close friends too. ADD in and of itself is not a bad thing. I think of it as riding that bull at the fair. Grab it by the horns and wrangle with it. Sometimes you win sometimes you don't, but that is life as well. I hope this helps some!

 

I have been struggling with my family for the last two years. A little back story here, I am a young mom who had a teen pregnancy, kept my kids (yay twins!) and I am very much a momma bear. I also believe in respecting my elders, mother, father and older siblings to the point where I will not talk back with my parents but at the same time I am kind of the rebel. Yeah, I am one of those lol. I grew up thinking of our family as clan, tight-knit and that we would always be there for each other. However over the last two years I have struggled to pull myself away from my family. This was not an easy decision by any means. Honestly, while I am a fun-loving and happy person I am also very black and white in my views, either it is or isn't kind of thing. Ya' know? So the reason I have been struggling so much has been that my parents allow my older brother who has diabetes and epilepsy to stay in their home even those he verbally abuses them, and has choked my sister (who is a legal adult) when his blood sugar dropped (that happened this year). When I was fifteen the same thing happened to me only he left bruises, not that my parents ever noticed and I did not feel confident in talking with them or that it would make a difference. So when the incident happened with my little sister, she came over to my house and stayed a while. I told her that this was not ok and that if our elder brother ever did a thing or if he was scaring her she was to come over to my house immediately/call the cops. That those actions were not ok period- I had to learn this the hard way! I also have a verbally critical sister. Nothing is ever good enough and that I should do as she says. My standpoint on that is, fuck that shit. 'Scuse the language.
My parents sent him to go get help and nothing came of it, even when I finally told them that this was not the first time he had done this to push them into action. I use to think that family was all, but this I just can't condone. They think that to quote my father, "I am having a snit." I do not think so. I do not want my daughters around my older brother, verbally mow you over sister (and not in a fun way) who my mother just has to help because she needs to be needed and sides with every time. My father while a man of few words can be quite strict when there is a need for him to be, but is a loveable if somewhat anti-social teddy bear but kowtows to his son's abusiveness. My mother is autocratic in her dictates to me. I am fed up with their nonsense and furthermore, I do want my daughters who are so compassionate and emotionally sensitive to those around them to be harmed. I started distanced my girls and myself away from 'the family' first starting two years ago and with recent events occurring (what happened with my younger sister for example) I jerked them and myself away. However they are persistent in trying to pull me back into the fold. Overall I know that I am not making the wrong choice. I know that I cannot my precious daughters from everything, but this I can and God help anybody who lays a hand on them. Mentally though it's tough for me as this counteracts everything I have been taught growing up and having to adjust quickly in this aspect while keeping my guard up is exhausting. It doesn't help either that they make comments like I am not right in the head for sequestering my girls away from them that they were there too during my tumultuous pregnancy and supported my decisions yada yada yada. I grateful for that, truly I am, but I just don't think that bears on exposing my daughters to their abusive cycles. Ya' know?

 

So, I was diagnosed with ADD a few weeks ago and my initial reaction was relief followed by feeling a bit lost to a moderate depression the last week. I know it's normal to have a reaction to such a diagnosis and I don't really want to complain about that. I know it'll pass, I went through the same earlier this spring, so I have some experience with it.

What's making the depression much worse - I know that when you're depressed it's really hard to see any hope or any way out, but this makes even that more difficult - is that I don't feel any support from my wife at all. I feel more like a liability that she doesn't want to concern herself with. Ever since I started this 7 month process of getting the ADD diagnosis, going through a depression earlier this spring, and then finally getting the diagnosis, she has made no effort to learn about ADD or depression, even though I've asked her multiple times. It's a big thing in my life, kind of a life changer, and I don't think I'm asking for much. I've even singled out a few chapters in a couple of books I have on ADD so that she won't have to read an entire book, but she won't even read those. She spends hours every day binge watching TV shows so I kind of feel like that's more important than my well being.

So, when I fell into a depression again this week, I just didn't want to talk to her at all. She hasn't cared so far, so why should she now? It seems like she just wants me to be happy and fine again without her having to lift a finger. Like I'm a problem that needs to sort itself out before coming back to her. Yesterday we barely talked, I said I was depressed and her immediate reaction was that I should go see someone. Not talk to her, not bother her, but see someone else. She asked me if I still loved her and I said yes and she replied "then all is fine". Really? Everything is fine? So as long as she's still loved, my depression doesn't matter, it's all fine?

Sorry about the rant. I guess this is difficult for her as well, probably not knowing what to do - even though I've asked her to read up a bit and understand - and I'm probably not being entirely fair since I'm depressed at the moment. Just wondering if anyone here has been through depression with a spouse, either you or your spouse being depressed. Any advice is appreciated. We're going away on holiday tomorrow and right now I can't think of anything worse to do than that...

 

For my better half and I, we talk no matter where we go about our issues... he is my common sense and I am his whimsy and if we are not in sync it's hard on us both. It sucks at times because I hate saying anything that hurts him or stressing him out and vice versa yet we are all the stronger for it as a couple. For us communication is the core of our relationship so without that everything else would fall apart. So even if you do not want to have that sit-down conversation and explain in detail how you feel, that step is needed and critical. If you don't explain your thinking and moods she's not going to understand. This works both ways! It sucks I know but it really helps and gets easier with practice... lots of practice. Lol. Encourage her to share her thoughts. Encourage her to ask questions. Do not forget that even though you are the one going through all of this with the depression and ADD diagnosis, she is the one standing by your side and needs to be supported as much as you do. You build each other up this way in a positive manner. The hardest thing is going to be that first step. Do not put it off as it will cause damage in your relationship. Breathe deeply, exhale slowly, and good luck!

 

I'm experiencing a serious lack of motivation to do anything. I've had to take some time off work as it's taking too much out of me. I work with autistic children and their families, and while I love it, it takes everything. I come home and I have no socialising left to give. I don't want to talk to my OH. I don't want to work. I don't even want to play with the dog. I just want to sleep. All. The. Time. But of course I can't.

So I'm off work for two weeks and had grand plans for how I would spend the time. I'd be down the gym every day, walking the dog every day, working on my novel every day, catching up with family... And so far I've done absolutely nothing except install Windows 95 in VirtualBox. Which is pointless.

I feel exhausted when I do anything, and depressed when I do nothing. I just can't get a balance.

 

Well, my feelings for my job are starting to change... The more I learn, the more I don't like it. I feel terrible about it too which makes it worse.

This just isn't what I wanted. I didn't want responsibility -- I just wanted something to get me out of the house. Sure, it has its pros. I love the money. We're finally filling up our savings, and it's awesome. I also love telling other people what to do. Not in the power-trip kind of way. I just like things done a certain way, so it's nice that everyone has to do out my way because I tell them to.

But it has cons too, like any job. I have to deal with angry customers. I'm the one everyone goes to with problems. I'm having to tell employees when they're doing stuff wrong. I have a whole slew of responsibilities and little time to do it in. And right now, it's just overwhelming. I know I'll get used to it the longer I stay here. But like I said, this just isn't what I wanted. I just wanted to punch a clock, do my minimal jobs to the best of my ability, and go home. This is more than I was looking for, and I don't know if it's worth it for me to continue.

The shitty part is, I promised my husband I'd give it six months. It's been one. And I already dread going in, and I haven't even started being the only manager on duty yet (starts next week).

So I don't know what to do right now.

 

It's (almost) official. In three weeks, I will start the very lengthy, very expensive evaluation process. My psychologist wants to test me for (big breath) anxiety, PTSD, depression, and adult ADHD.

The last one is kind of a surprise, but not really. In fact, the biggest two reasons I sought therapy were because of my terrible anxiety and inability to complete normal tasks like everyone else. ADHD has crossed my mind many times, but I intentionally didn't mention that to my therapist because I didn't want her opinion to be biased based on that. So the fact that she has taken inventory of my symptoms and come to that conclusion on her own kind of confirms my thoughts. This is the most exciting prospect for me, because I would really like to feel like a functional adult. Lol. So I'm hoping for a positive diagnosis so I can begin treatment and hopefully get my life in order.

 

@No-Name Slob
I hope your assessments go well. I was diagnosed with aspergers as an adult (just last year) and it certainly helps to clarify things. Just be prepared for the fact that you might feel different to how you think you will after you've been diagnosed, even if you're already anticipating what the diagnosis will be.

 

The best thing I can think of right now is to set goals for yourself. Daily and weekly.
Daily goal example:
1 Thing that made a co-worker smile, made their job easier, or helped out a client.
Weekly goal example:
Treat yourself to something, i.e. Starbucks, a groupon, or a book, etc.

Setting up a system to help others and reward yourself can go a long way. Especially during those sucky weeks as it gives you something to look forward to.

 

I was diagnosed the same a few months back, it took a bit to digest but now that I know I can work through it and that`s what really matters. Hope the evaluation goes well No Name.

 

Agh, don't you just hate it when anxiety crawls back in in the form of a nasty voice in your subconscious? So here I am writing my story, with the support of my own co-workers who seem genuinely interested in what I'm writing about and want me to finish it so they can read it some day. My anxiety comes in and the voice says, “You know, you'll never be able to get this published. You won't be able to publish anything. You can't do this. Stop chasing after that dream of being a published author one day. You'll never get there.” Don't get me wrong, my priority with my creativity now is to get a first draft done. Simple as that, but my anxiety is saying that my future goal of being published is unattainable, that I should just stop now before I disappoint myself. Funny how it came right when I was enjoying my writing.

 

Happens to me too @Link the Writer. Any headway I feel I'm making is marred by that voice, and worse still, when my various imaginary friends make their presence felt and tell me what they think. I've learned not to trust them regardless of whether they are buoying me up or weighing me down.

I'm giving serious consideration to getting my competition entry critiqued and readying it for submission — first time I've ever considered it. I may fill myself full of beta-blockers and make sure I have an ample supply of clean underwear. I know already I'm gonna freak.