Mental Health Support Thread (NOT for giving medical advice, or debating)

It's definitely supposed to help. I think it's supposed to help you better remember the good bits and give you something documentary to prove that the bad bits don't last forever. And it helps to try and process what's in your head, turn it into words and see if it still makes sense. Depending; it can either show you what the problem is and at least know rather than worrying or it can show there's not actually a problem and it's your head fucking with you.

In the end, writing helps. Doing something helps. At least you end up with something to show for a bad day. Sometimes it just helps to have something to show that time actually passed. Stick with it dude.

 

Thank you. I know this. I just get so worried about looking wrong to others, sometimes

 

My blog has been helping. It's only been three days, but I'm feeling the improvement. When I get sad, instead of thinking and overthinking and crying, I write. I try not to vent. I want to actually write. So it forces me into the author mindset, the logical, unemotional one that looks at pace, rhythm, structure, word choice. And it forces me out of my pain. And since I have the app on my phone, I can write wherever I am.

And people are reading it. Not just people on here or on Facebook, but other bloggers. I've gotten a few followers and comments. And that's the point, isn't it? To reach other people who may be going through what I am and hopefully make them feel a little better about themselves.

I really hope I can keep this up. It feels good to be actively writing again.

 

So I went to my therapist on Tuesday, and she told me some interesting stuff about the brain.

So the frontal lobe is where all of our logic and stuff comes from. Then there's another part of the brain (can't remember what she called it) that controls emotion. And according to recent studies, when we get too emotional or anxious or scared or what have you, our frontal lobes, the center of logic, literally shuts down and our emotional brain takes over. That's why it's so hard to think critically while anxious because we physically can't.

She said that's why my blog is probably helping me. Because I'm forcing my frontal lobe to work. So I'm starting to practice ways to reactivate my frontal lobe while upset. Haven't gotten upset yet, but I'm planning on doing complicated math problems in my head. I'll keep y'all posted.

 

Actually we have three brains. The front brain is all the logic, language, reason, consciousness and stuff that separates us from other ape-like creatures. The midbrain is what we inherited from apes, and does sensory, motor and some regulatory functions. And the hindbrain is what we inherited from reptiles; it interfaces with the spine, and also does autonomic functions and emotions. The fight or flight response happens because the brain doesn’t waste time passing stimulus beyond the brain stem if we’re in danger, because the frontal lobes aren’t needed in those situations. Only the hind brain is needed to react in those situations. That’s why you only become aware of pain after you’ve already moved away from it and your front brain has come back online.

This is why people often lose the ability to think rationally (or at all) and communicate at these times, because the frontal lobes switch off and we’re running only under hind brain control. It’s also why children can’t control themselves or be reasoned with during a tantrum - because they’re unable to process language or reason with anyone at the time.

Using reason and logic no doubt helps you to understand issues after the event, but once you’re in a fight or flight state that is all inaccessible. If you’re finding yourself regularly in those kinds of situations (like panic attacks or anger issues) then CBT can really help, as it involves exposing yourself to those situations and allowing the reaction to happen in order to desensitise your hind brain so it doesn’t trigger a fight or flight reaction unnecessarily.

 

@mashers you forgot the brain-stem. While it doesn't think,
it keeps involuntary functions working independently.
Imagine a world where you have to consciously remember to
breath and keep your heart beating. Would make sleep a pain
in the ass.

@Lea`Brooks this has all the basic info of what parts do what:

https://www.mayfieldclinic.com/PE-AnatBrain.htm

 

@Cave Troll
Actually it was the brain stem I was thinking of. I just kind of lumped it in with the midbrain because they’re both the low-level bit.

 

Makes sense. In periods that I felt extra anxious I picked up japanese and read books about higher mathematics. Made great progress in a small amount of time because I was very focused whenever I read. I guess I was shutting down the emotional part of the brain because it was only giving me a headache. Do some math! I think it's a great way of calming down and learning a thing or two on the way.

 

And I'm having a bad day for no real reason. Everything is just back to feeling empty and then I'm getting random points of just feeling pure dread where five minutes stretch out to what feels like an hour. I haven't even got of bed which I have never done in my life, I can't stand being in bed all day. But I'm in bed, doing fuck all, lying staring at the ceiling, then checking all the websites I'm signed up to. I don't understand why I'm suddenly feeling like this.

 

I noticed so many of us have anxiety. Thanks to modern society! I read countless articles that say millennials are the generation on edge because of all the damn anxiety!

I myself just need to vent some because I'm damn lonely. I've been alone my whole life without family, friends, lovers or even drinking buddies. It's the reason why I'm so prolific in writing because I honestly don't like doing anything else besides drinking so my happy spot is in my bedroom sipping on deep reds without the damn trinket machine but... I'm not so sure I'm supposed to be where I am in life. There goes the theme for another story; escapism! The enigmatic vapors of a lonely man (who was).

 

When I was in high school everyone had anorexia. Then when I started teaching we were worried about all the cutting. Now we're dealing with anxiety.

I feel like it's all just different manifestations of the same thing... "anxiety" is probably a reasonably good catch-all term, but it makes it hard to really judge whether rates are on the increase.

 

I'm fairly sure that's true but actually I think the correlation is the other way around.

I suspect that depressives (or manic depressives in my case) are more likely to be people who want to do something to get outside themselves and indeed to spend huge amounts of time engaging with them instead of with reality.

When people ask me why I write all I ever tell them is: "Because I can fix my characters".

A central theme in everything I've ever written is "People will love you for being yourself".

And what more really needs to be said about how I see my writing? It gives me hope to write characters who are fuck ups like me and ensure they find people who love them; and that no matter how bleak it gets for them they will always find a way out and find someone who still cares about them. I've started out almost every book I planned to write with the idea in my head that the characters would finish up committing suicide. And I can't quite do it. They always find a way out of the hole they dug, somehow. Because my characters don't have to be me. They can find another way.

 

Okay I have to complaint about a weird thing to complain about. But today I was reminded why I cannot work traditional jobs. My manager for the haunted house is really nice, he's super patient with me and encourages me. And I am still not use to it. Today I helped paint some shelves for my haunted house and I feel like I was too slow. It took me 2 hours to complete, IDK, 10 shelves. They were long bookcases.

But I could just hear my old manager's from previous jobs screaming at me, I took it as screaming, to get my job done faster.

I am slow. I can't help, but be slow. I am going as fast as I can, but my fast is too slow for others.

 

Hey being slow is not a bad thing. Working steady means you don't want to fuck it up.

 

My job experience working at a sign shop taught me a lot. And one of the things it taught me, is that there are some people you just can't please.

If your old boss wasn't *The Boss*, i.e. a lower-level manager trying to make his way up the ranks like mine, he probably cares more about saving money - and squeezing out every ounce of your soul via efficiency - to the point where anything good you do will hardly be recognized and your feelings likely don't matter at all. Additionally, the mistakes you then make because you're being rushed are still your fault; his time-crunch attitude won't be factored in.

It's a good thing your current manager is more patient and positive! Perhaps your past job experience will keep you from getting complacent / taking advantage of that? Only saying that because I can be "that guy", if I'm honest.

I'm painting the exterior on houses right now with a couple other guys, and believe me, it can be a tedious and time consuming process. Don't know how big those shelves are, but five shelves an hour... one every ~10 minutes... if they're done well, I'd say that's a reasonable pace by my estimation.

But I don't know what kind of deadline you're looking at and that sort of thing, so it's not the easiest thing to gauge. If you're truly being too slow and your manager still isn't saying anything, he's not doing his job. Doesn't mean he needs to be a douche like your previous manager. He just needs to let you know, "Hey, these shelves are looking great Clyde. But try x or y. Let's see if we can get it done a little faster."

 

Yeah I know that feeling. With a certain kind of boss I absolutely will be a massive slacker. I can be a kickass worker but I've got a big enough personality that I can just roll over people who won't push back at me. It's been the bane of my damn life to be honest; people being too nice and letting me get away with a 'whatever' level of effort. Maybe that's a bit shitty of me to blame them and not me, but when I'm working with teachers or bosses or co-workers who push me then I've always risen to it and excelled. Thing is I am just awful at pushing myself and always have been.

In lots of respects I relate to things through other people. I can't just sit down and teach myself a thing just for my own enjoyment. It's why I'm still a very mediocre guitarist because, in the end, I can't even make myself sit down and take enjoyment from being good at it. It doesn't seem to serve a purpose to me. Playing a gig is something that matters to me and I don't want to fuck up, so I'll put the work in. But I'll never put the work in to be good enough to be in a band and thus play gigs. And it's the same at work. It's the other people that push me to make the effort. If it feels to me that it makes no difference if I work hard or not then I won't because why would I? You put me in a system that I can game with criteria that will let me show that I'm the damn best and I will be the best, or at least will succeed far beyond what I should be capable of. I'll come up with something clever and surprise everyone. But you give me a big field of stuff and tell me to do as much as I can and I'll do nothing.

It's not even really a mental health problem at all, it's all about personality. Even down in the worst hole I'll always react well to people who push me. They are interesting to me. Figuring out how to play the game and finding new approaches is always engaging. It matters to me that other people see me as being a problem solver and force of nature and it's always an interesting distraction to me to play the game with people. But it doesn't actually matter to me that much. I'm not good at solving my problems, or problems that don't matter to other people.

It's frustrating though. I don't quite know why but for some reason people don't like tell me what you need doing and I will shed blood to make that happen.

 

I got the shelves down that day. I just, the complaint was for me. I don't like being "that guy" so I have some extremely high expectations on myself. I set some really damn high expectations of myself because I hate the idea or concept that I am taking advantage of people. I hate being "that guy" so much that I stress myself out to not be "that guy" and burn myself out because of it. Beside that point I had began the shelves at 2 pm and finished around 4:30 pm. At the time I felt like I was going too slow.

 

My mom's been that way my entire life. An enabler. So you can imagine how that could influence a person (#me). "Luckily" my dad's been the extreme polar opposite of that my entire life.

I know what you mean. Our reasons or causes may be different but it's the same problem I have. I need a mentor figure; not a control freak, and not somebody who's a push-over. I am bad at pushing myself; I need to know somebody is on my side, they want the best for me, and they won't simply let me get away with everything all the time. I wish I had a mentor when it came to writing... I'm reading about this one guy who hitchhiked from Minneapolis to Key West to meet Ernest Hemingway, and instead of just getting some token advice, Hemingway brought him aboard his boat to work as a crew-member in exchange for his mentorship.

I think that's why I cling to relationships so much. They get me out of my self-centeredness. They give me somebody to take care of. Not because they're fragile, but because I genuinely love that person. We're a team. Which is why I also don't have many relationships: I fall in love less, but when I do I fall hard. Like a fucking missile. So I'm not even falling, I'm just rocketing deliberately towards earth. There just aren't many girls in my anecdotal experience worth burning up in the atmosphere over- which is fortunate, in a perverse way.

I should rephrase that last bit: there are a significant amount of fine ladies who are worth it, but most of them have been swept-away. High demand for quality, lack of supply... beggars can't be choosers but I decide to be a chooser anyway because "Go fuck yourself"... you get the point.

But yeah, I don't have any motivation or drive either, even for things I'd normally enjoy doing. I honestly cannot, despite the most extreme frustration imaginable - the kind of frustration that leaves you silently seething while you feel your blood pressure and blood temperature rise, until it evaporates through the pores of your skin and condensates as a dark cloud above you which then follows you around - figure out what's wrong with me. Just nothing seems... worth it. I'm seeing another therapist next week for depression and problems associated with attention and focus (and basically everything else I've talked about in this post); I think maybe I've had ADD my whole life. The more research I do the more it sounds like a possibility, but obviously I don't want to self-diagnose.

People with ADD are more likely to later develop other problems with depression and / or anxiety. I know for certain I have the last two because of previous therapy.

Don't know why I'm rambling and incoherently telling you my whole life story. I'll stop now. Sorry about that. Thanks for sharing yours with me though!

 

So, I've been burned out at my job since the week before Thanksgiving 2015. Yes, it hit that abruptly. It's been getting worse since, but that was the start of, "This is different, and not in a good way."

It was improving a couple months ago, I was finally doing some normal work normally, and then a meeting knocked me back into the abyss.

So I proposed giving my most stressful project away to an eager bright-eyed eminently competent coworker who was eager for the challenge, and yay! I'd start ascending the cliff face again. And the proposal was accepted.

Today some little thing went wrong. A little thing that's largely the coworker's problem. And in fact might not be wrong, because it's a judgment call and they're the judge now.

And I'm SHAKING. Literally. Literally literally, not the new "Aw, that word's just an intensifier for metaphors" literally.

Also nauseated. Also crying. Blowing my nose into a kitchen towel because the laundry basket was handier than the Kleenex.

This cliff is looking steeper than I thought.

 

@ChickenFreak I am sorry Goddess of all logic in the Universe.


That sucks, but I understand being burnt out at a job.
You have my love, and good will.

 

I'm so sorry @ChickenFreak . I know what that's like. *hugs*

 

I don't think enabler is quite the right word. I think it's people who are trying to be nice or who have a different style of teaching/communicating. When you are working with people who aren't especially capable then you do need to be more supportive and more, well, nice. You need to encourage and even when they fuck up you find a way to say that they did a good job because they are trying hard. Those are the kind of people who need to think about succeeding on their own terms. Especially for parents it's easy to see how they can get stuck in that mind set; they remember when you were five and were struggling to write your own name. It's natural for parents, especially opposite gendered parents (ie, mothers of sons and fathers of daughters) to infantilize their kids a bit and to think first about being nice when it comes to difficult topics like if you've achieved something in your life. I think it's totally understandable how it happens and really I think it's just parents doing what parents do and I think it's important not to confuse sub-optimal parenting for a personal flaw.

Yeah, I feel much the same. It sounds a bit weird to say it like this but I like having someone to impress, someone to make an effort for and especially someone who I won't let myself let down. And yes, that does sound like fatherhood and that's not a coincidence. In the workplace it's different (I just need someone to reward me when my hard work makes a difference there) but on a personal level I find a lot of meaning from those kind of relationships. Having someone like that, who looks up to you ensures that you can't let them down and that you have to always live up to your principles. They'll hold you to being the best of yourself. That's what I really need; a better angel and a reason to live up to who I could be.

My self-indulgent side project is about the adventures of a wealth, affluent, best selling author mostly having affairs with the teenagers who read his books. And yes, there is a lot of porn there. But you know what he does when they are not in bed? He teaches them about life, about money, about people; he helps them pay for college and to get good jobs. And he spoils them too; takes them shopping and to premiers and buys them pretty things when he's been away. But he always makes everything a lesson and all his girls make him so proud. They are the reason why he has to keep writing, keep pushing himself, keep getting up in the morning.

I appreciate that this is a weird thing, that it's a bit creepy. But this stuff does mean a lot to me. And I feel like missing that kind of relationship (whether it's a girlfriend, a child, a pupil, whatever) means I can't succeed and that I'm in a vicious cycle. No-one pushes me to do better so I never do better so I'll never be in a position to find someone to make me want to do better. I'm broke as fuck, just scraping by. I couldn't have a kid right now. I couldn't ditch my girlfriend and go out looking for someone more like my ex because I can't even afford to move out of our flat. No-one pushes me, so I can't find someone to push me.

It makes me feel like such a failure. It feels like I've been waiting for my life to start for a decade and it's just never happened. I've never done anything better than just vaguely scraping by with absolutely no prospects to improve that. It was not supposed to be like this. I was supposed to be a dad by now. I was supposed to have a real job years ago. My life was supposed to start. I was supposed to have someone in my life that gave it all meaning and make me live up to my potential. But it just never happened. And I don't know why.

Sometimes it feels like the world just works backwards. Whenever I try to do anything it seems like we've moved to the point where you're expected to realize your potential alone and for free and keep that up for many years and maybe, eventually, someone might deign to notice you.

It doesn't feel like it's too much to ask for someone to be fucking proud of me. But it doesn't feel like anyone ever has been. It feels like I've achieved nothing, like it doesn't matter what I've worked towards they haven't even paid off well enough to have someone who might potentially one day be proud of me. So what's the point in trying? At least doing nothing is easy. At least doing nothing doesn't make me want to slit my wrists when I inevitably fail.

 

@ChickenFreak

I send you all my well wishes and best regards

 

For sure! I had that when I was dating my ex. Been a bit of a mess since, although I guess I was unaware of it for a while. Tends to creep up on you out of nowhere. You can never escape your own shadow; I dare step into the light and experience anything remotely resembling "happiness" and it reminds me its there.

Sounds like a really interesting project. Definitely stick with it.

I didn't really understand how important it was to have that type of relationship ("no-one pushes me to do better") until I stopped playing travel soccer and didn't have a coach, or something similar. Every sailor needs their lighthouse.

Don't take this the wrong way, but that's how I don't want to end up. Trapped. Boxed-in. Not saying I don't want a family and a career. Rather, I want to pick the hill I die on. Yet at this rate I'm being painted into a corner, and I don't really know what to do about it. Feels like nothing I do is ever good enough, or doesn't work out because *insert circumstances*. I'm being locked out of life; there's a party inside but I must not be on the guest list or something. And if I ever manage to get in, I get kicked out.

Then again, I don't really like Project X style parties. And despite believing most people are good, I don't click with most of them.

I ask the same question often: what's the point in trying anymore?

For me I can't stand doing nothing. Though it's nigh impossible to do anything when you're hopeless, depressed, and thoroughly jaded.