Mental Health Support Thread (NOT for giving medical advice, or debating)

Had a bit of a prolonged long time building break down, and withdrawal period this past week. Working my way through it now....hopefully.

 

I myself haven't been feeling well lately. This time it started with an obnoxious gas-lighting "debate" with a crass individual about how depression isn't real and that my conception and understanding of my *personal experience* with it was "wrong". I can't give this specific event too much credit; it was more like the straw that broke the camel's back than anything. I just despise this particular kind of abusive person, and I think it's because the nature of it was so unnecessarily personal.

@flawed personality not sure how it is with you, but I always shut down at the times when it's most critical not to do so. Inconvenient and frustrating are deliberate understatements because I can't find the right words. Even "shut down" isn't a good way to describe it, because it's not like I just decide to break for the fun of it when things are more or less going fine. It's like a memory leak in computer software, or tripping a circuit breaker or overloading a nuclear reactor.

Anyway, I know it's easier said than done but just know that the blues will be less dark in hue if you make sure to eat, get even moderate exercise (the walking group I believe you mentioned), and overall take decent care of yourself.

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Speaking of which, I'm more or less at my wit's end with this whole ordeal. I would like to clarify that what I'm about to say is just my opinions from my subjective experience and is in no way a judgement on anybody else here.

It's been suggested that because I have family history with depression that it may be biological. I've been seeing my therapist for over a year now and he brought up medication again. Fair enough. I get that it works for many people, and I get that there is a biological component to depression, but for me personally I believe it wouldn't be a solution. It's too much like Aldous Huxley's soma. Of course I'm being mostly hyperbolic, but the point I'm trying to get at here is that I don't think it would actually hit the source of my depression. Any possible chemical imbalances - which I'm highly skeptical of, given that I've never had any actual medical testing done to my body to verify if I even have these deficiencies - would appear to be natural responses to *real life* issues. So medication would just be masking how crappy I feel all the time, even though those crappy feelings are legitimate reactions which are trying to tell me something important. It wouldn't be fixing anything.

That said, what are the causes of my depression? As best as I can tell, it's coupled tightly with anxiety. Uncertainty. I don't take a lot of things on faith. I'm often crippled by doubt. I'm very skeptical, maybe too much for my own good. For these reasons I repeatedly find myself stuck in the Kierkegaardian quandary: "Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the world’s foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it, you will regret that too; laugh at the world’s foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both. Believe a woman, you will regret it; believe her not, you will also regret it… Hang yourself, you will regret it; do not hang yourself, and you will regret that too; hang yourself or don’t hang yourself, you’ll regret it either way; whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both."

This reply is too long as it is. I'll be surprised if anybody reads or responds. But anyway, these problems aren't going to be solved by medication. I actually need to re-understand / re-interpret / re-structure my perceptions and worldview. Or... something like that, I don't know. The fact that I don't find meaning in a menial, mediocre, monotonous life, the fact that making a career out of writing is far from guaranteed but is also what gives me a sense of fulfillment and purpose, these aren't things medicating myself is going to resolve. That may be insoluble.

 

I get what you mean @Foxxx . I seem to be the type of person who always thinks the grass is greener on the other side. I get to the other side, to discover it's much the same as where I came from. I think I am finally getting out and away from that though. I hate my life as it stands currently. I have one shining beacon that keeps me going. Sometimes I wish I had more, but I have to remember to be grateful for the one that I do have, and not take it for granted. I'm sure there are a lot of people who would envy what I have, though I find it hard to believe that. I feel like I am never happy with what I have at any given time, and that depresses me further. My father had depression for 30 years, and he saw a therapist or someone like that. As far as I know, he didn't take any medication. Photography was his passion. Trainspotting. He worked for Transport For London, although I don't know what he actually did. On my birth certificate, he's listed as a clerical officer. Anyway, that's my 2 cents, although it's probably worth less than that.

 

Couldn't have said it better myself. I can be appreciative and thankful and grateful, but it's rarely ever lasting. I either become complacent, bored or dissatisfied ("the grass is always greener").

It isn't even that I ask for too much. I don't want to be rich, not that I would turn it down; I want financial security. I could actually do without a lot, less than I have now in fact, and would be better off without it.

I don't have a long list of a dozen things that I'm looking for in a partner. I don't want anything of a partner that I don't already demand of myself. Not that that matters, considering I won't be getting a partner anyway if I fail to make a living off of my writing. And even then it's nothing more than a coin toss.

These are the times where I start wondering if maybe it's all a bunch of bullshit. For example, maybe I don't need a partner, need love, or a family. I don't know if it's because I don't deserve it or what. I'm not saying that to be a contrarian or to fish for sympathy. What I mean is this: if it *is* the case that every single person truly needs all of those things, then we've been dealt quite the bad hand when there aren't enough for each person.

As a comparison, it would be like saying "we all need food and a personal diet tailored to our health needs, but it's more or less a lottery as to who has those needs met and who doesn't". That's just life I guess. I find it much easier to accept the proposition that I was never meant for some things. You might think I'm being unfair to myself, but my only alternative is to dwell on problems that are beyond my ability to solve, and that just destroys me. Instead of forcing a calculator to try to divide by zero until it bursts into flames, I'd rather it just tell me it cannot be done.

I hope your father found some peace in doing what he loved. If you may allow me to say so, trainspotting to him is like writing to me.

 

Well, in my case, the first time in my life that I stopped actively looking for anyone, was when I inevitably found The One. Life has a quirky sense of humour, that's for sure.
We can't know what any of us are destined for in life. Some people will appear to have everything, and some will have nothing. Most of us will likely fall somewhere in the middle. Trying to establish a balance within yourself is tricky, I find. I wouldn't worry too much about money=love. A decent person won't care if you only have a few pennies to your name.
I believe that when he was trainspotting, that was when he was happiest.

 

That's another part of the Kierkegaardian quandary: Life must be lived forwards, but can only be understood backwards. There is no way for me to know if I'll waste my entire life on some fruitless endeavor unless I, uhh, waste my life on what turns out to be a fruitless endeavor. My mind is always sub-consciously disturbed by this realization despite there being nothing I can really do about it.

I'm happy you found a partner. Yes, I agree that life is often like a pit of quicksand or a Chinese finger trap. You are right: the less I try in the world of dating, the happier I am and the more successful I end up being. My approach to the matter is laissez faire in that regard. The best relationship I had was what I jokingly describe as "arranged"; a friend of mine decided she wanted to play matchmaker and it worked out really well. I don't go out of my way to talk to girls anymore for a variety of reasons that would all be more pertinent to a dating-support-thread than this one. However! when I am in a relationship, I commit, put in the effort, trust and have fun. Getting to that stage is practically out of my control though.

And don't get me wrong, I don't think money = love. But economic concerns are significant as well as justified. Money isn't necessary to fall in love together with somebody but it certainly is necessary if you want to marry, live with them, and raise a family.

 

Especially true in my case, ironically enough. I have never had much money, and doubt I ever will, but I am gonna have to get some from somewhere.

 

Feeling adrift, cos I have no idea what I'm doing in my life. I don't know what I want, and it's driving me crazy. Time won't wait for me to make up my mind, unfortunately, which just makes me more stressed and depressed. Catch 22, with no apparent way out. I hate shit like this.

 

Think I'm improving of late. I'm cooking again, and I've done a fair bit of crafting lately. Also just did some baking. What worries me is how long it will last. Hopefully for a while, but time will tell. Still tired as hell though, so no change there.

 

Glad you're starting to feel better!

My advice is not to worry much about how long it will last, and just try to live in the moment. Enjoy it.

*redacted*

Well, disappointingly and embarrassingly, it would appear I don't even meet the minimum requirements for eligibility to get into this writing program. Somehow I missed a very important part in the midst of my optimism. I've basically been wasting my time for over a month.

Nobody to blame but myself. Can't wait to explain this to everyone and look like an absolute fool.

 

*This video is emotionally distressing, so if you're not feeling strong enough right now, please watch it later when you are*

Just discovered this video, and thought it was really good.

Spoiler

 

Also found this about depression for couples.

 

Feeling blue again, and I can think of many reasons as to why. Not that that really helps much. I do hate this time of year. 4 different anniversaries of misery around this time for me, and possibly a 5th on the horizon as well. Wake me up when December ends.

 

Trying to stay positive. Practice these past few months has made it easier, so I don’t feel that bad right now. It’s weird, though. I’m one of two people in my household who doesn’t abuse the shit out of drugs, and the only one who doesn’t use drugs at all. The best thing I can probably do is set an example for them -stay away from that shit, be a good influence, etc. And not judge, which is hard since I’m really disappointed in them. But it doesn’t change anything: judging or arguing or trying to talk sense into them. So why waste the energy? There are some things that people just need to figure out on their own, even if it’s really fucking obvious to you. And I should learn how to be happy by myself. I think I’m getting the hang of it, or I hope I am at least.

 

Stay strong, you got this.

 

When I was young, I spent a couple of years regularly attending Al-Anon meetings. They are available all over the place and free of charge. It really helped me get unstuck and progress and I was also surprised at how much I enjoyed hanging out with people who were breaking free from the crazy BS. There's some magic in an environment like that.

Oftentimes, you could easily see the personal transformation in them and it was very uplifting. They'd come in looking like something the cat dragged in, then a few meetings later, their look and talk (and often address lol) was of a whole different person.

Also, as an old bat, I would advise anyone to just get away from toxic people and situations ASAP, no matter who they are. Make your life nice. Best wishes.

 

Similar to what @Carly Berg said, the main weakness of trying to live like a "lifeguard" and save all these people around you from drowning in their poor choices, is that you may be drowned by the very people you're trying to save if you aren't careful or strong enough.

Some people want to drown. Some people want to take you with them. It's the old "don't cast pearls before swine". If you are not welcome, or if you feel like you're only making things worse, move on.

 

Yeah, that rings true. I was so mired in depression that I expended everything latching onto other depressed people and trying to help them. I guess it was the vicarious satisfaction of solving problems, of creating happiness, even if it wasn't my problems, or my happiness I was solving.

But in the end, we were bad for each other.

 

To your credit, I've liked to apply the final step of the AA process to depression. Help another person. Not only is the perspective and experience invaluable to yourself, but the help may be invaluable to them. I know how much it meant to me when other people helped me. Thank you for being one of those people. I think your only mistake might have been putting the cart before the horse?

 

Maybe. I still love helping. It feels so good to give to people. To be a light in someone's life. To let them know they're special. It's only a little thing, but ... little things can add up.

 

Definitely! I just believe it's also important to not forget about yourself.

Keep doing what your doing, my man.

 

My advice would be to avoid toxic people. Give others toxins before they give you theirs.

 

Things have been up and down for me. But the downs have been brief and not so deep (pretty shallow, in fact), and the ups have been many, but not wildly so. I feel balanced for the first time in my life, and it is pretty epic. I am enjoying the view on the top of my mountain, though I could perhaps do with more of a breeze (going out more).

 

I have a habit of being suspicious if I am in a good mood and feeling good. "Im sure gonna pay for this down the road."

 

I did read.

Some dude (who is both psychiatrist and neurologist and Phd in psychiatric) told once that depression is sorrow/grief that has not been mourned.

If you have deep sorrow, you need to mourn it away. If you do, it turns to memory and fades away.

If you don't, it encapsulates and stays immutable.

He told that when someone starts to recover, the coming of the sorrow is often the first sure sign of recovery.

Therapeutic work is often taking patient in a safe way and in reasonable doses among that sorrow so that it can be mourned away piece by piece.

I'm pretty sure that that dude knew what he was talking about.

P.S.

Gas-lighting debate sound like narcism. Be careful.

There is good points in this tube series Surviving Narcissism.