I'm an introvert, so mixed with my GAD, I'm clearly a crazy cat-man who spends his time huddled in a dirty corner somewhere wringing his hands until they're raw and bleeding. Oh, I just need a plucky extrovert with no worries to scoop me up and take me on a wild adventure (across America) filled with song and cheer because we all know that this cures all mental illnesses with 100% satisfaction or your money back!!
Double standard is double. I hate those people. SIDE QUEST TIME! I tend to get the same sort of snobbishness out of extroverts, too. Introversion/extroversion are in no way mental defects, they are social preferences. For some reason, people believe that what makes us happy socially is in any way under our control, and so introversion is constantly shunned. "Why don't you ever go out and socialize?" they ask. Because I don't find it fun at all, okay? I made a post about this on Facebook about a week ago: Introverts are like alligators. Person: "Aw you look lonely over there, you want to come hang out?" Alligator/introvert: "Nope I'm good over here by myself but thx." Person: "Come oooon, come hang out! You'll love it I promise." Alligator/introvert: *HISS* Person: "Oh don't be that way." *comes over and tries to force socialize* Alligator/introvert: *DEATHROLL* Person: (missing an arm) "Well fuck you too, god, no wonder nobody likes you." ...I think the point I'm trying to make here is "We are telling the truth, stop trying to force us where we can't go you huge jerks." which is applicable to both mental health issues and social preference. Okay, back to the main quest now. Sorry, just had to get that off my chest. ( @Link the Writer you must have been typing while I was polishing this.)
This is how I imagine some people see those with mental illnesses: I want you to imagine a hunk of a man with long mahogany hair and chiseled abs taking a mentally ill person across the highways of America to this song. <sings> I need someone to saaa-aave me from my poo-oor broken braaain! I need a hunk of a man to take me across Amer-i-caaaaa! Oh I NEED A HERO! I NEED A HERO IN MY HOUR OF NIIIIGHT HE'S GOTTA BE HUNK, HE'S GOTTA BE COOL AND HE'S GOTTA BE FRESH FROM THE FIIIIGHT!! I NEED A HERO! I NEED A HERO TO WHISK ME AWAAY! FEEL THE BREEZE OF FREEDOM IN MY POOR WRACKED BRAAAIN! FEEL THE GLOW OF LIII-BERTY AS WE RIDE ACROSS THE HI-I-GHWAAAAY! BECAUSE APPARENTLY I CANNOT SAVE MYSELF! NOOOO, I NEED A HERO TO SAVE ME, AND HE'S GOTTA BE MENTALLY STRONG! ~~~~~~~~~~ Sorry, sorry, I couldn't resist.
Is that your next novel? We can call it "Why Don't You Just Cheer Up?", movie tagline there are people worse off than you!
It could be a parody/satire where an introverted woman with GAD finds herself on a journey across the USoA with a hunk of a man who thinks he's saving her, but he's really devouring her soul in each party he takes her to. It's up to her and a talking horse to find sense in a place that...makes no sense.
When you adapt it to a film, you may use my horse. Just show her anything tasty, she'll talk all day.
I'm currently writing out the last paragraph of this weird story of mine as discussed. Shall I post it here for your viewing pleasure? @Imaginarily - I think your horse would kick me in the head if I dared take her away from you. Keep her.
Put spaghetti on it. If you have anything that smells good, she will follow you anywhere. She's much more likely to bite you in searching for noms...
My husband used to tell me to calm down and relax, like he thought it would help. I was close to having a panic attack, crying hysterically because I'd been dizzy for two weeks and thought it would never go away, wondering, "Is it possible to die from vertigo? Because I might be the first!" But yes, tell me to calm down because I hadn't thought to try that. He knows better now. lol Now he just tells me to stop being irrational. And while that sounds worse, I mentioned earlier it's what my therapist calls my anxiety attacks. So when he says, "Honey, you're being a little irrational right now..." it reminds me to focus and try to calm down. And if I can't calm down, at least stop talking so I don't start a fight. lol Side note: it's really fun when my husband tells me to stop being irrational in front of other people. Their jaws always drop and they look at me like, " are you just gunna take that?" And I do, so then don't know who to be mad at: him for being a jerk, or me for being a pushover. It's really quite entertaining. I get really mad at my anxiety regularly, because I would love to go on a wild adventure and go sky diving and take a helicopter ride and all that cool stuff. I'm an adventurer at heart, but unfortunately, the second I try to do anything thrilling, my anxiety jumps out, like, "Bitch, no. I told you you weren't allowed to do these things. Just for that, here's a heart attack and vertigo. Enjoy!" I was actually watching the Amazing Race the other day. They had to basically go on a giant swing suspended above a gorge. And to get it started, they had to jump off a cliff and free fall for probably a hundred feet. Inside, I was thinking, "man, that would be awesome! I want to do that!" But then the camera went right up to the edge of the cliff and looked down.... My anxiety flared up so bad with fear, I almost choked on my dinner. I hate anxiety. lol
I found it helpful to divide my anxiety into 'mental rolodexes' as it were. That way, if a thought pops up in my head, I know exactly where to file it. Here are the four rolodexes I've created and you're free to use them if you wish. (1) Regret/guilt over stuff I did or didn't do in the past. Example: "Oh, you didn't do the thing you promised yourself you'd do? YOU ARE A STUPID, LAZY SLOB!! A FAILURE!! A LIAR!! YOU ARE A DISGRACE!!!" (2) Fear of some impending doom headed my way. Example: "Oh, going downtown are we? THIS IS THE DAY YOU DIE!! IN A CAR ACCIDENT!!! OR MURDERED SOMEHOW!! YOU DIE!!!" (3) Imagining some reality in my head and convincing myself that this is reality. Example: "People judge you, and they judge you poorly." (4) Disturbing images that my brain then cusses me out on for having. Example: "What's this? You created a what-if scenario where someone raped your MC, Mishu in that fantasy novel of yours? YOU ARE ONE SICK, TWISTED FUCK!!!"
I was diagnosed with chronic depression (this was before all the newfangled PC terms came into place) at the age of 18, by none other than Dr Shipman (I like to slip that in whenever I can - it's my only claim to fame) and now several, several years later, I cope by accepting my depression is just part of my make-up, and that I'll never be free of it. I'll have up periods (which are 'up' only because they're not 'down') and I'll have down periods, which can be physically disabling (no disrespect to the truly disabled). So, that's how I cope; by accepting it. Oh, @Link the Writer and @Imaginarily, I love you both for your posts at the top of this page. The alligator analogy made me guffaw!
I'm sorry to stray off topic......but REALLY? Now that's really interesting! Well of course the struggle with depression is also very interesting (sad as well) and a well worth conversation, my mother struggles with it as do other members of me family and I of course wish you the best of luck in dealing with yours Jud. But wow..... You mean like Harold Shipman? That's pretty wild man if its the guy I've heard about.
Mentally, everyone is messed up. Just some of us more than others - and I am in that weird category that has undergone severe emotional trauma, but I was incapable of really understanding it - and so I guess I am strong because I haven't been torn down yet. Perhaps that is why I do not get phased by much... I've been through so much and still smile. My worst experience? Smile. It is the only thing I can do when I have gone past the point of crying.
The very same He was our family doctor right up until the news broke - which meant he was mine for about 30 years or more. The really tragic part of the whole thing is that he was a brilliant GP.
First of all, you're welcome. It was a moment of sheer brilliance on my part, if I do say so myself. Second of all, I've accepted my twisted-ness as well. Probably back in high school, if I remember correctly. It gave a profound sense of power to be able to say, "I am different from you. You don't understand." and have it be true. Having no memory of a better state helps with emotional identity, too. "This is all I've known."
I suffer from a range of mental ailments, depression, lethargy, failure to focus, impulsiveness, and anxiety among them. I absolutely detest working, and am almost always horribly depressed whenever I am at work. I also have trouble focusing on lengthy documents or lectures that I do not find interesting, and am known to shout out whatever I feel like at whomever I please. I also get very anxious when I am in situations that do not make me comfortable.
And gifted with a level of emotional intelligence very similar to those adolescents that you hold so much contempt for. (You, not the other posters) I don't know you well enough to make a full evaluation, of course, but you aren't really in much of a position to complain about that.
There's a difference between telling people that they have to keep trying and acting to flatten any possible expression of discomfort.
Lately I'm coping by secluding myself in the library and working. If I'm doing something productive, it holds off the depression from being too strong. At the very least, it's not letting it ruin my life, which is all I can ask for even as I'm in the midst of it.
tl;dr: We are, among other things, biological machines. Do all you can to improve, but don't beat yourself up emotionally unless you find it personally useful, and don't feel compelled to ignore the existence of something just because it offends people with particularly idealistic worldviews. You may notice that I've made some fairly passive-aggressive posts lately. This is a result of my thought patterns around this subject. Mental disorders are caused by a combination of genetic and environmental factors, but so are personality traits, and I've been trying to protect the traditional concept of personality responsibility by blaming everyone for everything that doesn't involve outright psychosis. Autism, depression, low intelligence, work-related stress, adolescent cognitive impairment, and premenstrual syndrome were all equally the fault of the sufferer, or so my search for consistency led me to conclude. If responsibility could not be grounded in strict, pure choice, then it must instead be based in notions of success and inferiority. Other people went through life without psychiatric help because they were better than me, just as I was better than all of my classmates who didn't have straight As. Similarly, I saw endless cycles of Internet outrage that revolved around sneering at the emotions of others, and I saw that the various factions rarely exhibited the same hatred of "sensitivity" when they faced insults directed at their own side. In fact, they often responded by complaining about how badly they were being treated. This led me to conclude that they all consisted of the same basic sorts of people, which led me to conclude that empathy must applied or denied to all of them in nearly the same measure. The more compassion you expect for yourself, the more you have to give to others, and vice versa. My natural inclination is to err on the side of kindness, but I often saw other people get laughed at for doing so, and I made the mistake of confusing contempt for social patterns with hatred of the people caught in them. But the world is a fundamentally mechanical place, and there are already more than enough people who pretend otherwise. I have seen all manner of systemic, emotional, and physical difficulties dismissed with a simple invocation of "personal responsibility". Blame is a core component of our moral system, but it holds value only insofar as it can carry its own weight. Everyone is responsible in the sense that their behavior leads to certain physical outcomes, but everyone also obtains their basic toolset from sources that existed before them. Personal desire is not impotent, but we need not feel compelled to yell at ourselves with any level of force that does not directly increase our effectiveness. The most harmful technique I have ever employed—for autism, ADHD, depression, or the universal cognitive dysfunction that accompanies childhood and adolescence—is to try to overrun them with self-hatred. When that strategy fails, it creates a cycle of self-defeating, idealized perfectionism, a neurotic loop that can often do more damage than the problem itself. Everyone has to keep trying, but a system built on outright denial of its limitations is a system too weak to face reality.
It's tough to balance holding ourselves up to unrealistic standards not based in reality versus not holding ourselves up to any standard. Clearly, both of these extremes are harmful. I'm a pragmatist above any other ideological identity. (I'm not sure if it even qualifies as an ideology because it focuses on the process rather than outright deciding certain outcomes are good or bad.) To me, that means that everything I judge should be based on practical limitations of reality. Idealism can only be defined using our current conditions, because if our conditions change then our optimal outcome must also change. I think this way of thinking is best because it allows us to use both the "rational" and "irrational" aspects of ourselves in determining what is the best thing for us to do. In fact, the dichotomy between rational and irrational fades away because the distinction is generally defined using a false, non-pragmatic idealism. People have long argued that in the absence of public punitive sources (e.g. social shaming, jail time, fees, loss of publicly-allotted privilege, etc.), people are only held back from doing bad behavior by guilt. I disagree. In an oversimplified sense, I think the evolutionary history of mankind has resulted in humans feeling good through helping others and I think that our need for a purpose in life can also be filled through helping others. Pragmatism allows us to to create our own ideas of what we want based on these and other facts, not based on whatever non-pragmatic dogma people are trying to inculcate in each other these days. In this way, it allows us to shed the negative effects of personal responsibility and blame, while still retaining the positive effects of them (i.e. judging behavior based on however we define what is good).
I'm also bi-polar. The week when the clocks are set back are the worst. I don't cycle so bad -- I think I'd describe myself as more hypomanic than anything else, but everyone's symptoms and reactions are different. But I have some ups and downs, particularly in the time of year when it gets dark a lot faster. I also get very frustrated if I don't have something else beyond my job (that I like a lot) going on. I need to have a creative project or the like to focus on. Of course, focusing with BP is incredibly hard to do. Sometimes I actually can! But that's not a constant. The things I do that keep me afloat: 1) Meds. I know some people have horror stories but just taking meds makes my brain so much easier to organize. 2) Thought catching/triggers. I know my warning signs and I know what part of my internal voice is me and what part is my disease telling me "OHMYGODYOUHAVETODOTHISRIGHTNOW!!!" or "You're an awful person." 3) Therapy. This works if you find one of the good ones. I've had a bunch of good therapists over the years who don't judge, give solid advice and, mot importantly, are there for me to whine to when I need it. 4) Exercise. This could not be more important. I make sure I take at least a decent length walk every day. If I have more time, I'll head to the gym. I'm not big or athletic but the basic equipment at a gym is usually pretty easy to use. There's also a pool for swimming. This is really helpful if I'm in a more manic phase because I tire my body out. (Of course, being manic at the gym can result in me trying to do way more than I'm physically capable of, which resulted in some bad muscle strains. It's a balance.) 5) Pets. Owning a pet isn't for everyone. But I have an awesome dog. She's gotten me out of funks so many times. Even if you don't have a pet, find someone who does and spend time with someone whose whole purpose in life is to love you. That matters so much. 6) Try new things. It's easy to drop everything in a depressive episode. And it's easy to go overboard in a manic phase. But if I'm losing interest in what I enjoy, I force myself to go and try something else for a bit. Usually it will involve reading about a subject I knew nothing about previously. Sometimes it will be trying a new cuisine. Or it will be a trip to a place I've never been to -- not anywhere far, but just enough for a change of scenery. 7) Talk. I think literally everyone I have told everyone I know that I'm bi-polar. I just sorta assumed everyone knew already (especially the depression part) but it sort of surprises everyone when they find out. I apparently mask my feelings very well, which I never thought I did. But just getting it out there ("Hey, I have this...") really helps if I end up doing or saying something I'll regret when I come back to normal. 8) Sobriety. I haven't had a drink in a few years. And I never did any drugs beyond pot, and that was only a handful of times. The amount of dumb things I did when drunk really outweighs the amount of good that ever come from alcohol. I also never have to worry about getting home. And there are so many things I like to do more than just hang out at a bar.
