1. JohnLaylian

    JohnLaylian New Member

    Aug 25, 2009
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    My first novel plot- Crisis

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by JohnLaylian, Aug 26, 2009.

    Among the many ideas in my mind, I personally liked the overall story and the settings of the idea. However, the story itself proved to be weak... forcing me to rethink and redo the whole work.

    Any kind of feedback will be appreciated- this was one of my would-be-novel that I would write in my future.

    This was actually a plot of a would-be-a-game that I would(might) make in the future... even thought of making a movie... or maybe that's going too far?


    Background settings-

    As the time passed by, humans were achieving what was previously considered impossible. By the twentieth century, there were over thirty thousand satellites across the solar system, and space travel was considered as an another meaning of vacation of the wealthy, and, nearing the end of the 28th century, the Project Columbus was finally completed, marking the end of the project that took almost two centuries to finish: to make the planet Mars livable for all living organisms, marking the birth of the second Earth. Later, at the beginning of 29th century, the Project Virginia was completed, and a new colony was built on Mars, which was able to institute about two thousand people. The rapid growth and the development of space travel and colonization from that point onward allowed more people to set out into the space, and, by the end of the century, about one-hundredth of Earth's population immigrated out to the space.

    (This paragraph is an additional information, not needed to be read.)

    The thirtieth century ended with mixed results: the Project Lee and the Project Washington, both of which the goals were to colonize planets Mercury and Venus respectively, failed due to the overwhelming heat and lack of resources. However, after traveling for a century and a half, the Wilhelmina IV became the first spacecraft to discover an alien species on a planet half a light year away from the Earth. Meanwhile, more and more people immigrated to Mars, and colonies became cities, and cities then became states, which in turn became territories.

    Few years after the births of territories on Mars, the already limited resources of the Earth soon began to be depleted. Soon after the natural resources on the Earth ran out from supplying the Mars territories. The economies on the Earth soon crumbled, leading to a series of chain of events that resulted in a massive economical depression that would last for half of a century. Witnessing the crippled economy of the Earth, the representatives of each of the territories on the Mars soon acknowledged the fact that the Earth will not be of any assistance to them at all, or rather, would be a nuisance. Most representatives, calling themselves the Idealists, supported the ideas of declaring independence from their homeland, reasoning with the fact that the Earth is too far away for the proper political relationship. The Patriots, the opposing faction who are against the independence, argued against them using moral reasoning. With the majority vote, however, it was decided that the territories will declare independence from the Earth.

    When the call for assistance returned with a declaration of independence, many countries soon fell into the hands of revolutionists, who then grasped the golden opportunities. For many years, countries on the Earth crumbled into ruins, soon to be engulfed in the flames of revolutions. Violence broke out from everywhere, and without financial supports, the governments crumbled. With the endless violence breaking out and governments no longer in action, it was a matter of time before military officials began to take charge. Several military governments formed around the world, each residing in different nations. In the United States, the military government joined forces with the polices, forming the Combined Military Police Force (CMPF). The CMPF gradually gained monopoly over the government of the United States and its many facilities, eventually leading to the complete dominance over the U.S, turning the government system into the military dictatorship. The year was 3114 when the first dictator of the new U.S emerged.

    Main plot-

    A captain and his squad, while fighting against the revolutionists, find their surroundings being showered with many meteorite-looking objects. His squad is called for immediate withdrawal, their immediate objectives having changed to a search and rescue of a warehouse workers, all of whom was trapped in the warehouse by a fire caused by the unknown meteorites.

    At the designated location, the squad faces the utmost horror- liquid-like substances devouring and taking control over the people's movement, turning them into zombie-like beings. The meteorite-like objects were, in fact, metal capsules to contain the substances, later to be sent to the Earth and wreck havoc.

    While the squad tries to survive, the CMPF government finds out that the culprits of the attack were the Martian colonies, their reasoning of the attack being the fact that the people of the Earth are no longer fit to be alive, and the liquid-like substances were, in fact, a new biological weapon, and the residents of the Earth as its subjects for experiments.

    Few months pass by and people of the Earth manages to exterminate the substances (by this time it was named the "Greeds"). With overwhelming fury, the residents of the Earth, for the first time in history, unite to form the United Earth Federation to fight against the Martian colonies. (The squad joins the war.)

    However, the war ends with the UEF's loss due to the vast differences in resources and technologies. The squad, which was a part of the landing missions, is stranded on the Mars. The second war begins, however, this time by the Patriots, starting a civil war.

    The result, of course, is the Patriots' victory.


    I've realized that the plot became too long. If the length violates any of the forum's rules, please notify and I will revise the post when I am available.

    I was too absorbed in writing, and did not realize how much the time passed by. Took me almost an hour to write this. Wow!

    Please give me honest opinions of my plot. I would not mind any criticisms (unless they are accompanied by phrases such as this is a sh*&). As a 15 year old and a Freshman, I would very much like to improve my writings.

    P.S.- I've also had troubles in how the people would destroy the Greeds (the liquid-like substances). Any ideas will be appreciated! (The current idea now is pigs' bloods... got the idea from Chinese novels.
  2. Cogito

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

    May 19, 2007
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    Massachusetts, USA
    A story concept means nothing. I can tell you now, it has been done before. What matters is how you write it, the characterization, the flow, the imagery, all of it.

    There's no point to asking what other people think of the concept! They'll either say,"Sounds great," or, "it sounds like a ripoff of..."

    If the idea stirs you, write it. Then ask people what they think of the final story. After they tell you what they don't like about it, revise it, usually several times, until you're happy with it or until you throw up your hands and say the hell with it.

    Please read this thread about What is Plot Creation and Development?

    (and yes, this is a template post, which should give you an idea of how often this comes up.)

    It all comes down to the quality of the writing.
  3. Vagabond284

    Vagabond284 New Member

    Aug 23, 2009
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    Calgary, Alberta, Canada
    Firming off of Cogito's post, the very first thought I had when reading your concept is:

    Kim Stanley Robinson.

    What matters about your story is YOU. Write it how you want to, as you want to. We all tell stories in different ways, and I'm sure once you start writing, you'll differentiate your work from others :)
  4. Braska

    Braska New Member

    Aug 12, 2009
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    The first thing that came to my mind while reading the plot was Gundam Seed ((Japanese anime)). The story of that anime is pretty much close to your plot, but as Cogito and Vagabond said, your story is your story, no matter what you do keep your touch present in it. It’s your touch, your style that will make it different than any other story, and about the Liquid thing, I suggest that you give it some time, just to study all the possibilities, and I am sure you will find an answer to it :-D

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