1. Shimario

    Shimario Member

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    Need opinion on plot of book

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Shimario, Dec 7, 2016.

    Originally i had written a fantasy/steampunk novel that was similar to the Witcher series. But since my idea is highly inspired by star wars and since I've always wanted to make something that was original, that was inspired by star wars, i figured i'd try writing a science fiction version of my novel and i was just wondering if this plot was interesting at all and would really appreciate the feedback. So, here it goes.


    The Title is called:

    Psipher wars

    Long ago on the world of Rythia, there was a great war known as the Psipher wars. It was a war between the Sanctum and the Imperium that nearly ruined the world. Centuries later in an era of space travel and advanced technology the Imperium has once again returned to the surface and to achieve its goal of domination. Accept this time, they don’t just want a world, they want a galaxy. And to top it all off, this time around, they’re being led by an ancient, immortal and powerful being that was once sealed away, a being known as the Matriarch. And nobody knows how to stop her.

    Meanwhile, a young Psipher named Novan Altair has just graduated from the academy. However, celebrations are cut short as the Imperium descends upon them and begins to wreak havoc and chaos all across his world. As the Imperium invades, Novan must now fight for his survival as he tries to flee the Imperium. Luckily for him, he finds a ship that he knows how to fly. The only problem is that it belongs to the infamous smuggler, Marxsis Red. But after a quick scuffle the two agree to work together to escape the planet.
     
  2. antlad

    antlad Banned

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    I was kind of confused. What is a psipher?
     
  3. Infel

    Infel Contributor Contributor

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    I freakin' love Star Wars Episode 4, so I'm mega down with this plot. The problem I see at the moment is that it's definitely Star Wars. Which is fine! That in and of itself is absolutely interesting enough to work with.

    That said, you're going to need to bust out the endless creativity and talent that I know you have, because you're gonna have to make it different enough from Star Wars to hide the fact that its based on Star Wars.

    Star Wars.

    Also it would be good to know what a Psipher is.

    Also also, your synopsis doesn't leave Novan with a goal, and therefore you don't actually have a plot. What you have is some Worldbuilding, and that's good. But it's not a story. Novan has to want something bad enough that he's willing to fight and face certain danger in order to achieve it.

    But you have a good thing here. I'll be interested to see where you take it.
     
  4. QualityPen

    QualityPen Member

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    How don't you guys know what a Psy- sife- pisaifur, is? It's that thing. You know, the one? ;)

    Ah, I tease. My own novel is loaded up with hard to pronounce words for odd concepts and creatures.

    A little more information on what these words mean would not go amiss though. As Infel said, your current background and plot sort of scream Star Wars with all the names just switched out. Using a story for inspiration is great, and paying homage can be great also. Just make sure you don't confuse inspiration, homage, and original novels. If you want to write a story that you can consider your own, consider not borrowing as much from directly from a single source.

    My story is set in a medieval fantasy world, but I have elements of A New Hope in it. It's not like New Hope at all and no reasonable person would even associate the two, but certain elements are there- Young orphaned man unsure of himself gets pulled into a titanic struggle, finds a cause worth fighting for, and grows in ability and confidence, and becomes a pivotal element in said struggle.

    What I'm saying is that you don't have to copy everything down to the smuggling ship being a grey flying plate. Taking the core values and elements that readers associate with and find interesting in A New Hope and then building around those will make for a novel that is more yours and more interesting than if you were to rip entire chunks from A New Hope for your story.
    ----

    Then there's the matter of the actual plot. You stated the premise of the story: Imperium invades, everything is FUBAR, character needs to GTFO. Cool. But that's just the beginning isn't it? What happens in the rest of the book?
     
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  5. Shimario

    Shimario Member

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    Well Psiphers are basically warriors that use psychic abilities. Like Pyrokinesis, electrokinesis and so forth. I made up the word Psipher fyi.
     
  6. Shimario

    Shimario Member

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    Yeah, actually i might not write this. I've got another idea that still revolves around Psiphers. Though i am keeping the words Psipher wars because its a war between Psiphers, so it makes sense to keep it. Thanks for the feedback btw.
     
  7. Shimario

    Shimario Member

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    So, should i explain what a Psipher is like in the plot summary?
     
  8. Shimario

    Shimario Member

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    Also, i wasn't really trying to make my own star wars, what i was trying to do really, was make my own story that was set in space, like star wars, or star trek, or even guardians of the galaxy.
     
  9. Infel

    Infel Contributor Contributor

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    I don't think you should "explain" it. Telling is the bane of a good story.

    Since you mentioned a war, why not have the main Psipher have a fight in the first or second chapter, and do whatever it is Psiphers do. Then have some supporting character stand there aghast and say "you're a psipher!"

    Then the reader would know, and you'll have shown not told them.
     
  10. antlad

    antlad Banned

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    Yes, if it is not apparent.I didn't know what it was; was thinking either psychic or a numbers guy (cipher, psypher)
     
  11. Shimario

    Shimario Member

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    Ok, so i came up with a different idea, so here's the new plot and book.

    Age of Psiphers

    House Altair is a noble House of Axallia. That is until they’re betrayed and nearly all wiped out. The only survivors are eighteen year old Novan Altair, (the heir) and his butler/ bodyguard Ramsey. Now as the sole survivor, Novan must fight to survive, as he is pursued by those who killed his family. As fate would have it, Novan comes from a long line of powerful Psiphers, (warriors who use the power of the void to enable their psychic abilities) so he’s got that going for him. But if he is to survive and get revenge, he’ll need to find trust worthy allies to help his cause and become much stronger than he is now. And while his family may be dead, their legacy wasn’t and that in of itself will be his greatest strength. Novan didn’t ask to go down this path, but that’s what happens when you live in an age of Psiphers.
     
  12. QualityPen

    QualityPen Member

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    Definitely sounds better and has a few solid and time-tested foundations for a good story. With this layout you will have high potential for character development throughout. The tragedy of family loss at the beginning of the story can certainly act as a strong motivation.
     

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