Hello, So I came up with this idea a few days ago and I wanted some opnions on it. The book follows Brennan Campbell, an average all-american boy from Georgia. He gets sent to Blaire Academy in Oregon. On his first day he meets Ryan and they instantly become friends. Later he meets some of Ryan's friends (Zak and Nate), and he also meets Athagail. Ryan knows her but she keeps to herself a lot but there is something about her the Brennan is drawn to and there are points where he feels like he's met her before. After a couple of freak 'accidents' Athagail, Zak, Nate, and Ryan tell him about these people called 'Lights', which was like angels but they have super powers. He also they believe his father broke the heart of Queen Underworld (That is currently her name), now Queen Underworld wants to kill Brennan thinking he's his father. They believe Brennan a Light, although they are taking a huge risk by telling him for he could be a mortal. other things I've thought of: Athagail has a twin sister, named Sibly, who joins the Underworld out of jealousy. (Since Athagail is considered the Princess of the Lights). Athagail, Zak, Nate, and Brennan are Lights. Ryan is a mortal who knows about Lights. Ryan wants to be a Light but Athagail (who has the power to change him) refuses to because she doesn't want to kill him. Some of the teachers and the Headmaster are Lights, or they have knowledge of Lights. *Now this one is a very big maybe*, but Queen Underworld kills herself after finding out that Brennan is not his father and he is truly dead, and her daughter and Sibly take revenge by swearing to kill Brennan, Ryan, Zak, Nate, and Athagail. So, this is what I have so far. Please comment and tell me what you think
Everything sounds great except your big maybe - it would make absolutely no sense whatsoever for Queen Underworld to kill herself. Why would she do that? She wanted to kill Brennen's father - she wasn't in love with him and waiting for his return or something! She should be delighted that he's dead. Queen Underworld's daughter (and who is Sibly?) - why would she vow to kill your MC & co? Doesn't make sense. Might be more fun if Queen Underworld falls in love with Brennen and grows obsessed with him and tried to kidnap him and turn him to the dark side
The Queen Underworld was madly in Love with MC's dad, he left her, and she got pissed and vowed to kill him. Sadly, she had so idea that the MC's dad has been dead for years. So, she goes after Brennan thinking it was his dad. The thing was that she was suppose to be so distraught that she went a little nuts and killed herself. Also, Sibly is Athgail's younger identical twin. You see, Athagail is the oldest of her sisters so she is heir to her world. Sibly wanted to be Queen but she can't, since she's the middle kid, and it kind of hurts her that she wants it s much and Athagail would do anything to de-throne herself. So Sibly joins the Underworld to get back at her sister and eventually attempt to kill her and take over.
What relation do the 'lights' have with Queen Underworld. Here is my suggestion: Brennan is not only a 'light' but he is the son of the all powerful 'superlight'. Only he has enough power 'light' to destroy the evil Queen Underworld. You can either do: 1. The Queen Under world knows Brennan can destroy her and tries to get him to be with her so she can kill him. Or: 2. The Queen Underworld does not know Brennan is a 'light' and he can go down and work as a spy(?) until he has enough power to destroy her. IMO either of those plots would work well and of course you could work in multiple subplots to flesh out the story.
That sounds pretty cool - I especially like the twins plot. Hmm, if Queen Underworld vowed to kill the dad, and then kills herself because the dad is dead... If you were to work, you'd have to make it obvious to the reader that Queen Underworld only ever thought she wanted him dead, but would never have gone through with it. If you could make that clear, then it could work. Otherwise it would still seem illogical - I mean, if all you wanted was for someone to be dead, you wouldn't kill yourself because they're dead, you get me?
A story concept means nothing. I can tell you now, it has all been done before. What matters is how you write it, the characterization, the flow, the imagery, all of it. There's no benefit in asking what other people think of the concept! They'll either say,"Sounds great," or, "it sounds like a ripoff of..." If the idea stirs you, write it. Then ask people what they think of the final story. After they tell you what they don't like about it, revise it, usually several times, until you're happy with it or until you throw up your hands and say the hell with it. Please read What is Plot Creation and Development?
I'm having serious issues with the Athagail name. I can't say it with a straight face or sound like I have a lisp. It keeps catching me up when I'm trying to read your ideas and that might be an issue. Not making fun just being honest as I've had characters names that have caused me hiccups in my writing as well --- so just something to think about. That all said it sounds like you've got a decent premise. i'd start writing, flesh out your characters and see where they take you and what choices they make. Don't make those choices before you've made them real.
