Ok so the story starts out with your typical 15 year old kid Cormac. He is an orphan who lives with his aunty in Carraig Rí, The Rock of Kings. A fortress in the southern land of Chorcaí. The King Aethan has been ill for a few months and he finally dies. He has no heirs so the next most powerful House claims kingship. However not everyone agrees. After the death of his aunt in a accident involving fire, Cormac, along with his friend Keir, leaves Carraig Rí to find the home of his mother and to find out who his father was. After reaching his mothers familie's home he finds a letter explaining the flight of his mother to who appears to be his father. However it is over 15 years old. He then travels to Dyflin (a city in Norbaryd) to find his grandparents who wrote the letter. He eventually finds his grandfather who tells him his father was from Dhana, a large forest north of Dyflin. Cormac travels there only to find that the Tuatha are living here. The Tuatha are my equivalent of elves, borrowed from irish folklore. He then discovers his father was the Prince of the Tuatha. However its not all "Yay Im king!" For being of impure blood to the Tuatha he is sentenced to death and he only barely escapes. Meanwhile the civil war is raging down south. Sorry for being so long, Im not great for shortening down stuff. Well what do you think? All comments/criticisms welcome.
Nice how he's hoping to be a prince and then barely escapes with his neck. I like that. However, how does the Tautha plotline tie in with the cival war?
The only problem I see with it, is that it appears to be all event driven, rather than character driven too. He does this, then he does that, then he does this, and then that etc. Nothing wrong with that, that's the story, but on its own it becomes something that you could easily explain in one sentence: 'He travelled on a long journey and discovered whom his father was'. But what would prevent it from being something that could easily be explained in a sentence, would be to add elements which are not so easily explained that way, so that it is the reader who goes on a journey of discovery too, when he learns about the character. That's the plot. So, how the journey changes him, how he develops as he discovers the truth, etc are the things which make it more than simply a list of events. After all, you said yourself it's not just 'yay! I am king', for example, he might gain a sense of belonging to the world in knowing his origins, or he might struggle with knowing his place in the world now that he has to suddenly become more than a curious child. He might have difficulty with that as the people who see him as king come to him with their own problems when he can barely deal with his own etc. Look at it this way, if you read a book about a man who climbs a mountain, you don't just want to read a list of where he made his base camps up the route to the top, you want to know about why he's doing it, what it means to him, what makes it hard etc. Al
Again, the story is a starting point. How you write it down is what will determine how good it is. Plot development depends principally on what you do to build conflict in the course of the story, how you resolve it, and how you close the story after the central conflict is resolved (often, how going through the conflict and resolution has changed the central character).
the Tuatha will later influence the winner of the civil war as they join in! Obviously Cormac (I forgot to mention his Tuatha name is Dantei) will grow and become colder to violence and death. He will mature and eventually play a role in the civil war. The journey will be full of learning and challenging experiences!
Sounds interesting, now im going to assume you've plotted out these territories or the least have it thought out in your head (Its not easy keeping track of a bunch of territories). Plus, iv'e seen world maps bieng on the first page and such, to help the reader get a feel for it, and reference later on. So, if/or Tuatha wins the war, would he be named king or said rank Dantei or Cormac, or will that spark more conflict?
Cartography is a hobby of mine so there is a full colour map already drawn. I think the war will end with House Grogain utterly defeated, House Búrca and its allies will fight with the Tuatha to a bloody stalemate. However Ceir (changed from Keir) will actually be a family member of House Búrca and the two friends will face each other at the gates of Clocha Rí. Dantei will leave Ceir with the fortress and attempt to establish himself as a ruler.
