Respectfully, as someone who also consults her thesaurus and dictionary a lot, we should keep in mind that each similar word can drastically change the perception of a sentence or even an entire passage. So can using a word that’s used properly per the dictionary. For instance, I wrote a chuckler scene where my MC gives her sister a necklace that she (the sister) is not supposed to have. They hear someone coming, and my MC suggests that her sister hide the necklace in her undergarments since there isn’t anywhere else. My MC says, “You may want to look for a more…intimate place!” Thesaurus.com suggests “affectionate”, “confidential”, “cozy”, “loving” and “warm” as being the most similar. But none of those convey what I’m trying to say nearly as well as the word that I picked. I liken writing to cooking a meal for a large group of people. In the end, the choice of what you want to cook is yours, but it's a good idea to consult your guests. If over half of them say they don't like beets, even if you love then, do you want to serve them simply because they are delicious to you and the minority of people who will eat them? First impressions are extremely important in every situation. You clearly know that because you’re asking for critiques when it comes to drawing people in from the start. I just fear you’re serving beets and hoping that people will just overlook them for your sake. That’s fine, but I don’t think it’s fair to get upset when people make faces as you put them on the table.
I understand everyone's point of view. I respect it. I listen quite well. I reserve the right to change my mind later. For now, it remains. This is the initial draft. There's is no telling how this will end up. There are more important issues to tackle than "puked," believe me. So, please, everyone, do not think for one moment that I do not listen to the advice of others. That is simply not the case.
THAT SAID, do realize that we are trying to help you. If we think you're using a word wrong and recommend a better word, we simply ask that you re-consider. If I went around describing pregnant eyes and puking oceans, that might cause readers to wonder WTF I meant by it. Eyes can't give birth, and the ocean can't really puke because it's just an ocean. Might I suggest things like... Eyes stared hungrily at the surfboard. The ocean churned and broiled, kicking up a watery foam. Things that might make it easier for the readers to understand what you're saying.
I wish you guys knew me better. I'm not the kind of person to be hard-headed. I get it. I'll say it again, there is much more to focus on than "puked." We'll see where this leads during the rewrites.
But the issue is that I cannot focus on anything but "puked" in the paragraph, because its such a jarringly incompatible contrast with the rest. Imagine that A Tale of Two Cities opened as follows: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times--super grody, man!--it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity... Could you focus on anything but my addition? That's the reaction that I have to "puked" in your example. It is similarly slangish and out of character with the rest of the paragraph.
Um, you're kind of being hard-headed here. There are words that, if used, will take the reader out of a scene. If I saw pregnant eyes and puking oceans in your book, I'll be taken out of the scene to wonder what the hell you meant by that. I'll be too distracted to even read the book. You get what we're saying? The wrong word choices will make your text completely unreadable. What makes this scene readable? Harry's heart lurched in his chest when he saw Cho in her dress. Harry's heart puked in his chest when he saw Cho in her dress. The bottom makes it look like Harry has some serious heart problems, or Harry finds Cho to be so repulsive his own vital organs are expelling all their juices. The context is that Harry is supposed to be finding Cho hot, so 'puke' hardly applies. Let's try another thing. Goku stared over the horizon, at the rolling hills. His muscles tensed, pregnant for training with his partner. Goku stared over the horizon, at the rolling hills. His muscles tensed, ready for training with his partner. Again, what would make a reader pause and go 'WTF?' In my mind, the first one because it brings to mind babies somehow being inside his arms and squirming which is kind of disturbing. It's all about how the right words can pull you into a scene. Use the wrong word, and readers will be taken out of it to process what you've just said.
