Punctuation in dialouge

Hey guys,

So I know the basics but I have a few questions. I will put both the punctuations separated with "/" where i think it should go in the spot in question. and give a reason for my confusion. thanks for your help.

I'll just start with an example.

Ex: the bartender glanced at the man,/. "Couldn't handle it, took off."
~I know you put a "," when you begin with "he said" or the sort, but do you still do it when its just an action that doesn't lead into the dialogue?

Ex: "'Daddy, daddy./,"' The mans voice took on a childlike shrill,/. "why do we have to leave?"
~same question, but this involves dialogue before and after. and its describing the dialogue but not a he said she said type thing. (this is also dialogue of someone else dialogue)

I guess my main question is if its an action that follows how do you do it?

oh and on a side note.
Ex:his mouth forms the word, "poof".
~do i need that ,? or a period in the ""?

Thank you for any tips and help

 

There are a few ways to do this that I know of.

"Daddy, Daddy." The man's voice took on a childlike shrill. "Why do we have to leave?"
"Daddy, Daddy"--the man's voice took on a childlike shrill--"why do we have to leave?"
"Daddy, Daddy," the man's voice took on a childlike shrill, "why do we have to leave?"

I'm not sure what you mean by 'took on a childlike shrill'. 'Shrill' is not a noun, it's an adjective.

To use 'poof', it would be something like:
The man made a sound like 'poof'. (Sounds a bit risque, though!) But US English may be different for this, as I know punctuation is usually (always?) inside the inverted commas.

 

An action or "beat" preceding dialog takes a period. A dialog tag takes a comma:

Beat: The bartender glanced at the man. "Couldn't handle it, took off."
Tag: The bartender glanced at the man and said, "Couldn't handle it, took off."

Beat:" Daddy, daddy." The man's voice took on a childlike note. "Why do we have to leave?"
Tag: Daddy, daddy," said the man, his voice taking on a childlike note, "why do we have to leave?"
Combination: Daddy, daddy," said the man, his voice taking on a childlike note. "Why do we have to leave?"

ChickenFreak

 

IMO, he's using 'Daddy' like a name, so it needs a capital letter.

 

Thank you for the feedback. @madhoca: shrill can be used as a verb as well. Just verified with dictionary.

 

shrill can be used as a noun according to the OED, and uses 'the rising shrill of women's voices' as the example.

 

True--but you are not using it as a verb here. You are trying to use it as a noun, which, though possible as Elgaisma says, is not a very common or contemporary style.

 

It reads perfectly well to me as a noun in the original sentence.

 

Please read He said, she said - Mechanics of Dialogue.

Your first example should be:

The bartender glanced at the man. "Couldn't handle it, took off."

The bolded part is a beat, not a dialogue tag. It is a separate sentence.

Your second example:

"'Daddy, Daddy."' The mans voice took on a childlike shrill. "Why do we have to leave?"

Again, the bolded portion is a beat, and is a separate sentence from the surrounding dialogue elements.

As for the phrasing, well that's outside the scope of the question.

 

Ah, a helpful link. Thank you. And yes, for some reason I wrote verb instead of noun. Oops. Thanks guys!