when you make a mistake, how long do you regret it for? I regret stuff I did and said when I was 7. Seriously, like I still look back on that, and am like "Shit, I hope nobody remembers that, that was so stupid of me." And how long do you remember other people's screw-ups for? This is the more pressing question. I don't remember them for that long, but maybe that's just me.
Depends on the screw-up. Did you forget to pick up the milk I asked for or are police knocking on the door?
I'm 52, and I still regret things I did as a child. I've long since forgiven everyone else for everything they did as kids, but I don't forgive myself. My worst mistakes all feel like they just took place yesterday, even if they were over forty years ago.
When my son turned 18, I regretted not doing enough with him when he was growing up. I stopped regretting it after we went to Disneyland one more time, Iceland, Yellowstone and Burning Man.
There's really only one thing I regret till this day, and it's that I didn't try harder in school. Granted, I think I'm doing fine in life as of now, but seeing how hard my older brother works just makes me realize that I could have worked harder. For my other regrets, I usually forget about them in a week.
I stopped caring as much when I got older. As for other people's screw-ups, I often forget them in about thirty seconds so I can get back to thinking about myself.
I regret not working harder at uni too - feels like a missed opportunity, even though I got a good degree from it and I'm working and doing just fine. I regret being such a damn fool with my ex, not letting go when he'd already said he regretted ever dating me (I know, what a lovely man...). I dunno, I'm not sure regret is a good word for my examples. They're things that have made me think, and that hopefully I've learnt from. I wish I'd been wiser about it, but I don't beat myself up over it. As for grudges? I have a rather strong one against my mother-in-law, who tried to break me and my husband up for something like 2 years before we got married. I would like to forgive her one day, but I'm not sure how to bend my emotions that way lol. At least I don't wish to keep the grudge, but it's definitely there. A milder one is that my friend lost my pen. That was several weeks ago and I'm amazed that I'm still annoyed... lol. It was a regular ballpoint pen, the cheapest kind from a book store, but it writes sooo well. I lent it to her and she never gave it back, and when I asked her, she said, "But I saw it on the chair when I left." I was like, "Then you didn't actually return it now, did you?" I just hate losing pens.
I often make dumb mistakes by overthinking and analyzing too much. I got this voice in the back of my head that goes super suspicious on everyone, and when a friend does something that could've been hurtful I tend to have that voice in the back of my head for a long time. Then I go all Daenarys Targaryen of House Targaryen-Targaryen-Targaryen-Targaryen and the grudges vanish!
There are many things I regret regarding family interactions, especially with those family who are now dead. I don't dwell on them, but there are times when the memories of things said that cannot be un-said, or opportunities to say something lost, come barreling down on me. As for others, only the things done/said that I cannot understand the why of and that were particularly hurtful. But again, those only come up occasionally, and typically when I'm feeling depressed anyway.
I don't regret anything, I just move on and try to do better next time. When it comes to remembering your own or other people's screw-ups, yeah, they can stick for years! It's another thing to rub it to someone's face. Don't do that. Very uncool.
I don't have regrets, I figure everything happens for a reason so if I get screw up it's usually to learn from it. Other than one person whose actions I do not forgive, I generally forget other people's screw ups - again, if they learn from it then all good.
If I had a pound for every time I've done something I've regretted later, I'd have enough money to legally change my name to Regret. If I then had another pound for every time I've looked back at whatever it is I regret, I'd be a fricking millionaire.
Karma all the way for people who do bad things. For myself, I try to forget about it (kind of hard with a memory like mine, though) and self-harm (a horrible thing to do, but I sometimes really hate myself).
Regret is a charming impetus for work. I resent regret insofar that I dislike working. Waking up in the morning with a drive for expiation - a jolly feeling.
I find that worrying about things I have no control over, such as mistakes and embarrassments that happened a long time ago (and thus have no bearing on my life in the present, or the future) is closely related to anxiety. I rarely remember mistakes of others in any way other than humorous, so it took me a while to realise all this is relative. These days, if I catch myself worrying like this, it just lets me know that I'm anxious, so I examine myself to find what I'm actually anxious about and why (always something else that has an effect on my present and future) so I look into that. It works much better.
I do forgive but I don't forget. Others and myself both. Memory is a good thing for a writer, but I am not sure if dwelling on things emotionally is. Some people have thicker skin than others, but I think that the middle way is always best.
While I tend to have moments where I wonder "why the hell did I do this?" I hardly ever really regret anything I do. That's probably because I think about consequences of what I do (way too much) and if I end up regretting something anyway I usually take some time to realize that it cannot be changed, so it's not worth wasting my time on.
My biggest regrets involve hurting other people. They are the ones I find hardest to live with. When someone does something that hurts me, I shrug it off. I'm not going to drag myself down by being overly concerned about it. As for things I should have done and didn't do, or shouldn't have done and did do, I try to think of them as lessons learned, and then move on.
@Duchess-Yukine-Suoh, as you get older, life experiences usually help you to put childhood mistakes in perspective. Many of the mistakes we make as children are the result of having to deal with issues well beyond our maturity levels at the time.
I regret not going over to see my grandmother during the summer. She only lived about a ten minute drive away, and wanted to see my new car...but I was too busy. I figured she'd have time to see it later. But she passed away in September. I think I'll regret that one for the rest of my life, honestly.
I have things that I regret, but I try my best to learn from them and move on. All my past experiences make me who I am today, and for the most part, I rather like who I am. Plus, interesting regrets turn into interesting stories. For instance, that time at my birthday sleepover where a bitch-slapped my dad. I regretted doing it, but I learned an AWFUL lot from it. I tend to have a harder time forgiving other for major transgressions. Anything that ruins friendships or relationships, that sort of thing. I had a bff that had tried to steal my boyfriend out from underneath me. She confessed to him, and thankfully he was smart enough to keep the text message. I won't ever forgive her for that, because it destroyed our friendship and made me very leery of having girl friends. However, I have learned some lessons from it, but I will never again be friends with her, or speak to her if I'm lucky.
"What if I died tomorrow, would I regret living today?" Had this turned into a tattoo. I regret causing other people sadness and pain. I regret letting people abuse me. I combat these regrets by refusing to spread my negativity and refusing to accept others as my own.　Easier said than done though...
