1. primalpeace

    primalpeace New Member

    Jan 12, 2013
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    Review my idea

    Discussion in 'The Art of Critique' started by primalpeace, Jan 31, 2013.

    Note: This idea started from the Halo Machinima series Red Vs. Blue

    I am planning on writing a book. I will start it out as a short story. Not a real story. But something for a reader to read and be ready to get engaged in and something to look up to and be ready to read the first book of The Defenders series. The secrets of Area 51 in this series will be stranger than the aliens some people believe.

    Area 51
    Year 2052
    The Main Character: (Age 16)
    The main character is known as Alaska. She is a orphan who was taken at birth by a group known as The Defenders. The mother died at birth of Alaska. Alaska original name was going planned on being Naomi, but she was taken and put into the most elite group on the planet. They can take down a tank without equipment. They learned from years on end starting at age 5, they will become some of the deadliest warriors around.
    Alaska is convinced everything she has done is for the right of the world, and so is everyone else. They have good intentions, and so does everyone in the program. She is the worst of the bunch though. She is one of the best users in the program with unarmed combat. But in every single other way she is the worst in the program.

    The idea of this book series is how anyone can become a champion, but this is not released in this book. Alaska starts as a horrible fighter in almost every way compared to her team mates. She becomes the best later on. And then she becomes a legend.

    Questions: (The older ones are higher, and I have some pre-made questions to answer anything that might be asked)
    How are they trained so expertly?: In this book it will show how they are trained. They are taught to take in every single place on the battlefield and to manipulate their surroundings in every way possible. They are taught how to see when something is about to be fired (guns, rockets, cannons, etc.) from the way their barrels move. They also have a built in intelligence system known as an A.I (Artificial intelligence) which uses it's ability to talk to them in their mind and helps their fighting ability over a hundred times better than they currently are.

    What is the point of Alaska being horrible in the beginning?: I got inspiration for this point from the song: Hall of Fame by The Script. She is to be someone you want to see her progress of and to be able to want her to become something more.

    What are The Defenders goal?: The Defenders goal is to take out the enemy quickly and efficiently, they are a version of special ops, but trained to the extreme. They fight the enemy and take them out alone or in small teams, sometimes they go for objectives that are for bigger reasons such as valuable intel or for a goal that gives them a even better advantage. In the end The Defenders goal is world peace, but it is hard no matter what your skills are.

    Alaska will be recieving her A.I in the beginning of this novel. The A.I is known as Gamma. (Stands for G in the military)

    As I hear more from other people this is the current information that I have on this short story, any more information will be added as questions are made and I get new ideas.
  2. mammamaia

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

    Nov 21, 2006
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    Coquille, Oregon
    this is not the correct section for requesting a review... read the section description... it's for discussing the nature of reviewing, not where material is actually critiqued...

    you'll need to ask a moderator to move it to the workshop area...
  3. The Tourist

    The Tourist Banned

    Mar 27, 2012
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    I don't think the problem is going to be with your talent or ability to hold a reader's attention with the story. I think the issue will be one of marketability. Let me explain.

    Things go in and out of fashion. My clothes have gone in and out of fashion several times. When I was younger there were over thirty TV Westerns on the schedule at one time--and then only three TV stations. "Gunsmoke" ran for over twenty years. Then the genre disappeared.

    This idea of "the super soldier" is on its way out. Even the magazines I read for my job are hedging their bets. For example, "Tactical Knives" was once the gamers' slash and stab nocturnal emission. Now many of the knives are shown in camping situations.

    Regardless of the firearms debate, for the past eighteen months black rifles have been on the cover of almost two dozen gun related magazines. Then the "preppers" and the mental cases got involved. Now concealed carry guns are big, more out of fear and backlash by your average citizens.

    You're just starting your book/story. If it takes a six months to a year to write and polish, and an equal amount of time to find a publisher and get it out in print (not counting advertising and pressing the flesh), the idea of a super soldier will be stale. As for futuristic tales, people are getting hip to CGI movies, and now you actually have to give them a quality story.

    I was a member of another creative writing forum perhaps six months ago. I left because every other plot pitch was zombies or fairies. Fortunately the "strong female archer lead" died out in a matter of two months.

    If you have an idea for a yarn, is there some way you can tweak the plot idea out of the black ops genre, and use the creativity on another arc?
  4. Cogito

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

    May 19, 2007
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    Massachusetts, USA
    A story concept means nothing. What matters is how you write it: the characterization, the flow, the imagery, all of it.

    There's absolutely no benefit in asking what other people think of the concept! They'll either say,"Sounds great," or, "it sounds like a ripoff of..."

    If the idea stirs you, write it. Then ask people what they think of the final story. After they tell you what they don't like about it, revise it, usually several times, until you're happy with it or until you throw up your hands and say the hell with it.

    Please read What is Plot Creation and Development?

    Furthermore, the Reviewing Forum is not for requesting critiques. It is for discussing the art of giving and receiving critiques effectively.

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