This is a bit of vent because I'd like to express my distress over publishing. I hope that's okay. I've been writing for5-6 years. I started taking it seriously in late 2019... 'Serious,' as in I started to query agents. I'd written a 90k YA novel. I queried dozens of agents and many of them told me that although my story was original and unique, it didn't grab them and they didn't think they could sell it. After many months of constant rejection, I hired an editor who helped me polish it. They pin-pointed some things that I'd missed (and other things I thought they'd missed the point of... No disrespect to them. I just think they couldn't see the creative vision with this/that scene). (* And btw, I edited that draft 5 times before querying.) After it was polished and I reread it, I queried again. No takers. In the meantime, I was working on another manuscript (along with two screenplays). Finished that at 89k... After putting Manuscript 1# on the backburner in December of last year, I queried Manuscript 2# in January of 2021. I've queried nearly 90 this time. No takers. No one even wants to read it... Most of the agents reply with personalized letters, saying the dialogue is good, etc. But no one wants to read the whole manuscript. For the past two months I've felt burn-out with writing. Aside from stress in real life, I feel like I'm not meant to be a professional writer. That I type away for nothing. I know people say that you need to write for yourself. But personally, I want to write for an audience, too. I put so much time and energy, sleepless nights, caffeine in my veins, and fight through flashbacks of trauma that intrude on my life sometimes (sorry if it's tmi) just to finish a story. Only for that story to not even make it off the table for someone to read. I know that it can take years to get published. But I've put so much of my everything into this (and I know I'm not alone)... I was so confident that eventually I'd make it as a writer I didn't focus on much else work wise. I currently have a part-time job, I'm going to school for a degree (not in English), and... I don't know. This all seems pointless to me. I have several different drafts I'm working on... I'm not motivated though. Because I've already decided that it'll go nowhere. My writing is likely crud if an agent doesn't even request a partial/full. I want to give up writing but then it'd feel like I'm throwing away a part of myself. * I'm sorry if I've posted this in the wrong place. And if I'm coming off whiny... I'm just really frustrated with the process and don't know any other writers.
