1. Thundair

    Thundair Contributor Contributor

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    Seeking a beta reader for historical fiction

    Discussion in 'Collaboration' started by Thundair, Apr 7, 2018.

    I have a 86k word novel set in the 1800's called Deceitful Survival
    I was inspired as a writer by Clavell and Michener
    I can provide my Query letter (WIP) if you need a rundown of events

    Thanks
     
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  2. TheRealStegblob

    TheRealStegblob Kill All Mages Contributor

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    Hmm. I'd be willing to take a poke at it. Perhaps not a full reading, but I'll check it out and see how it goes. PM me your query letter sometime.
     
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  3. LazyBear

    LazyBear Active Member

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    @Thundair I skimmed a bit from the workshop entry, but it needs a twist to hook the reader from the first page, or the rest of the book will not keep the readers no matter how good the rest becomes.

    We could make a trade where I teach you my techniques for plot development since you've already read chapter 1-4 of my book which might derail from having too many crazy ideas, which is the opposite problem.
     
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  4. Thundair

    Thundair Contributor Contributor

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    LazyBear
    I am out to two other beta readers now and I have made a lot of changes to get the hook.
    Funny thing is the 'hook' was pounded into me when I took screenwriting classes, and somehow I didn't see a way to set the scene and make the hook in the opening paragraph.
    Here is the hook I have now and I hope for Gods sake it is better than what you've already read. Maybe it's enough to pull'the reader in..
    3rd Paragraph

    My dark skin and black hair were an inheritance from my mother’s Roman background. I was only fifteen when my father killed her for adultery. Late at night while I lay sleeping, I heard her cry out as he put a pillow over her face. Her muffled screams rang throughout the house. Jumping out of bed, I ran in to stop him. Screaming at my father to stop, hoping my brothers would hear me. My cries went unanswered; they could not hear my plea from their room in the barn. When I grabbed his arms to free her, he knocked me away, hitting my head on the armoire. I went to my knees unconscious for a moment. Struggling to get up, my vision cleared, I could see my father still holding her down as she went silent. The tattered covers were strewn across the bed. She had knocked the slats out from under the mattress, and it folded in over her.

    I have also went to every chapter and fleshed them out a bit, and near the end of each chapter I have included an event.

    I appreciate the help and look forward to an exchange

    You can message me or I will send you my email.
     
  5. Thundair

    Thundair Contributor Contributor

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    I'm no longer seeking a beta reader for this project.
    Thanks to all who responded.
     
  6. Lew

    Lew Contributor Contributor

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    Good luck!
     

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