Self quotes

I don't think you look mean.

 

The only reason you haven't seen me on the news for killing someone is because hiding a body just isn't worth the effort.

 

I was going to press like but then I thought it was also a reflection of my macabre sense of humour.
I think what your joke really refers to is laziness.
Im so lazy ……….

 

School interferes with my education.

(Actual fact. When I went back to finish my degree, I had to focus on course work, not the self-motivated exploration of other things that grabbed my interest. Thus the rather bitter complaint above.)

 

Looking back I think I learnt very little in High School. Some algebra is about all. We go to school to socialise. And get a sense of where we fit in the food chain.

 

"I don't care if you wanna be religious or not, shoot guns or not, fuck people of the same gender or not. Just don't be a dick to each other."

 

A dog runs and lives 10 years on average. Bunnies jump and live 20. Turtles do almost nothing and live for centuries. The secret to immortality must be laziness.

 

If Jesus died "For our sins" then that means he and God had a rough idea of how bad humans could screw up compared to the value of a willing sacrifice. I think my sin balance is overdrawn

 

that's good for an original...very good. I hope you are right too. there is hope for me yet.

 

I came, I saw, and I wrote something I regretted immediately.

 

Me trying to explain to my brother why he cannot pet the wolf in a video game:

"This is not a good place. Everything here has evolved to kill humans over a very short span of existence at the hands of the developers. Do you know where we are?"

Brother: "No."

"We're in the Fortress of Derpitude." (Or whatever the name of the fictional planet is in the video game)

 

"When opportunity knocks, call 9-1-1 immediately. The judge granted you that restraining order for a reason."

-me

 

Live every day as if it were your last, and sooner or later a SWAT sniper is going to have to prove you right.

****
Animals who enter shelters which don't have "no-kill" policies have also found their "forever homes."

****

 

I don't need Prozac, I take Cavetrolline.

 

Take two aspirin and call me when Hell freezes over.

 

If your solution to some social problem includes the phrase, 'if everybody would just', you may as well shut your piehole. Everybody ain't gonna just. Ever.

- @Earp