Hey all, I’m stuck for an idea for a particular scene, and I was wondering if anyone has any ideas? My sixteen year old protag hunts demons with her father and a group of close friends. The problem I’m having is, I need my protag to be separated from her dad and their friends while hunting in the forest in order for the demon in question to find her alone and give chase. Then, long story short, she ends up going for a river-swim, and is rescued by the main male character (this is his introduction). He then takes her back to his ‘camp’ for medical attention… which propels the story forward. Now, I have no idea how to have her get separated. Her dad (and their friends) isn’t just going let his kid wonder the forest alone tracking this demon. At most they’d pair off in twos. But that would still leave her with somebody (probably her dad). I had thought about having her twist her ankle (or injure herself somehow), and they help her back to the truck for her to sit this one out. Now, while that would leave her alone for the demon to approach her… They’re not going to leave her in the middle of nowhere alone and injured (even if she’s in the truck) where a demon could be lurking. So, any ideas? How can I get her alone?
I watched an episode of the series Supernatural with that plot. Anyway, if the father doesn't think his daughter is safe in the hunt, he wouldn't take her with him. So they split in couples and she gets separated by mistake, it is plausible.
How about an straightforward attack? The group of hunters are hunting in twos and her and some other guy (could be her dad, doesn't have to be) get pounced upon by a demon (falls from the sky, comes up from the ground, whatever) and in the frantic mayhem that ensues, she ends up getting chased. The demon could have knocked her hunting buddy unconscious, or he/she could have run another way, or just got disorientated by the whole situation.
I always think it is absurd when groups split into twos. Try something along the lines of what TLK suggested, or anything that is plausible. Just don't make the characters make a decision that they would not usually make, so that you can conveniently make you plot work. IMO it would be odd for an experienced demon hunter to split his forces into groups that could easily be picked off.
Could the father just get knocked unconscious during the attack? Could the guy come in and save her and carry the body of the father to safety too?
Well just what are these demon powers? I think the demon they are chasing could have a trick up his sleeve.
Hand to hand combat is mass chaos. It would be easy to get separated in a dark forest in such a situation. Especially if they are outnumbered. I do agree it wouldn't make sense for her party to leave her alone when she's injured. I also think if she's strong and courageous enough to engage in that kind of combat that a twisted ankle would not slow her down too much. Edit- I didn't realize you just said forest. I just assumed you meant at night for some reason. Even in the day time forests that are off the beaten path are very dense and still easy to get separated in.
I'm also rooting for the clusterf*ck; demons jump them, chaos ensues, the girl loses her weapon and has to make a run for it, tries not to get separated, but there are so many foes, she just ends up crawling through bushes, fighting for life (maybe she's not very experienced?), hears daddy yell in a distance "baby, where are you?" *thonk*, she keeps running in panic like a rabbit from a fox, then at some point trips, maybe rolls down a hill, hits her head and breaks her coccyx, finds herself on a river bank... she swims because... the demon chasing her doesn't like water? She falls into an anthill/bee hive? Maybe she falls directly into the water. Why does the guy have to save her from the river? Is he a water spirit of sorts, etc.? Or her group stop for a brief lunch-and-relief, someone's prepared a magic mushroom stew for lunch (by accident, or it's a deliberate poisoning), they eat it, chaos ensues... Okay, maybe not. I mean, I'd write it, but your story doesn't sound like it would lend itself to that kind of bizarre...
Thanks for all the replies everyone! Much appreciated. Thanks for the reply :0) First, the PLOT of the story isn’t, “My sixteen year old protag hunts demons with her father and a group of close friends.” I didn’t mean it to sound like that. I was just trying to give the cliff notes version for the sake of the post and my question. All I meant was the story starts off this way, but it takes a very different direction from the ‘hunting’ side of things. Demon hunting isn’t safe. Period. He knows this. She knows this. Now, yes, her dad involves her (it’s just the two of them, she has nobody else, so really he has no choice but to have her tag along) BUT that doesn’t mean to say he doesn’t have his concerns for his kid. He does. And rightly so. He wants to protect her as much as he can, but he realizes he can’t keep her out of the ‘good-fight’ that he willingly imbedded himself in—she wants to help. Should he have done right from the start? Yes. The better thing to do by her would have been to not let her in on the fact ‘monsters are real’, and ship her off to some far away boarding school. Did he do that? No. He told her. He’s tried to keep her out of it, and it didn’t work out. So, he tries to do his job, and protect her as much as he can too. He knows she’s ‘able’ take out a demon, at least with some back up, but she’s still a kid. His kid. He doesn’t let her accompany him on what he classes ‘high-risk’ jobs—this one wasn’t supposed to be, but it goes wrong. Yeah, I know she has to get separated. I just can’t come up with HOW this happens. Hence my post. Thanks for the reply :0) I’d thought of this. Seems the logical way. However, she’s away from her dad and her friends for the bulk of the story after this scene, and isn’t reunited with him/them again until near the end of the story, so I don’t want her mind bogged down with wondering ‘omg, did this person survive?!’. If you see what I mean? I suppose if I made it clear that this person wasn’t on deaths door, just injured, and they contacted the others (to tell them the guy is hurt and the demon is with them?) and then she runs away from the scene to lead the demon away from the injured guy? Hmmm… Thanks for the reply :0) I do see what you mean. Although, this is done all the time in books (and movies!). Maybe the leader of the group wouldn’t normally do this… but maybe they're running out of time? I can’t think of anything without them spliting down into a smaller number… Thanks for the reply :0) No. As I said above, she’s away from her dad for the bulk of the story after this scene, and isn’t reunited with him again until near the end of the story, so I don’t want her mind bogged down with wondering ‘omg, did my dad survive?!’. If you see what I mean? Also, no. The guy can’t save her dad or her at that point. And, she needs to be away from her dad for the plot of the story to work. There are other reasons too, but not much point explaining here. But, no, that’s not an option. Thanks for the reply :0) They’re not humanoid. Think… large rabid beasts. Hellhounds? Vicious deformed werewolves… along those lines. Not sure where you were going with the trick? How would that have her separated? Thanks for the reply :0) Yeah, I do agree. My protag isn’t totally-tough-as-nails-bad-ass… YET. This scene takes place at the start of the story, and I need her to grow, you know? That said, she’s sixteen, she’s been doing this for a couple of years now, and is willing to put herself on the line to do her job, and put demons down. She’s still learning, and has a long way to go, but she has some skills. Thanks for the reply :0) Um. Wow. I don’t even know how to reply to that, but… LOL. Also, there’s one demon, not a bunch.
You've gotten pretty plausible scenarios so far, some such that it wouldn't be obvious to the reader you made it happen in order to achieve thing X. But I'd rather you imagined what are the plausible actions and outcomes in the scene (4 people hunting a demon, or whatever you decide it is) and move from there to how she meets the guy. If she has to be alone, why doesn't this happen when she's more realistically alone, like, buying a demon-hunting gun or something? Or biking to school? Returning library books? Or just adventuring alone somewhere, defying daddy dearest, and then this thing jumps her and chases her? Then you'd eliminate the possibility that her mind would be bogged down by concerns over her father and friends. Well, she might be able to do this if the demon shows interest to her in particular (could be of the type that enjoys killing young women. Is there any other type anyway?). That's how she gets separated. If her dad is there, he would probably pursue her and the demon... It's a plot device, often implausible one at that, used to separate characters and cause suspense. Yeah, so if dad and daughter are one group, the demon jumps them, knocks out/dazes the dad for a bit, the girl panics and runs if she's disarmed somehow in the process, and the demon pursues her because it prefers the chase instead of doing whatever demons do her father.
Maybe specify a certain demon that is capable of moving a great speeds or can cover great distances quickly, maybe it is nearing a town and they have to try and stop/capture it quickly before it reaches its destination and attacks an unknowing populace. Therefore if the hunting party is relatively small it may be an unwanted but necessary action to spread the group out in order to cover greater ground. You could keep them within sight of each other, but when one guy spots the demon they are hunting, he gets distracted whilst your MC is also attacked leading to a brief 'eye off the ball' moment where in that short time she is separated from the main group because she panicked and bolted. Leads for interesting possibilities such as the group are hunting a particular demon, have to spread out to try and capture/kill it whilst unknowingly they are being stalked and hunted by other demons intent on trying to take 1 or several of them number down. Just my 2 pence and hopefully provides you with some food for thought.
maybe they make camp for the night and the daughter has a habit of sleep walking? Or gets kidnapped while Dad sleeps? Or gets up in the middle of the night for a pee and gets lost in the forest...
may be she wanted to pee and wandered off in search for some privacy Seriously, it could be any number of reasons, specially in a forest. P.S. Just read the above post, and that's exactly what I mean.
There could be several paths in forest, so they would have to separate smaller groups. Of course her dad would want her to come with him, but she wants to go with someone else (maybe because she thinks her dad is too overprotective). After little argument, he allows her to go with someone else. When she and the other person are looking the demon, the demon attacks them, knocking the other person out. She lures the demon away from the other person to cliff or if you don't want there to be a cliff, the she lures the demon to river. They fight, demon punches her to river, she passes out and the demon thinks she's dead and moves on.
Give her a cell phone. While she is obliviously texting, the group goes one way, she shuffles off in another.
Thanks for the reply. 1) I have her on a hunt for a couple of reasons. I wanted to show the reader her everyday life, and everyday life IS hunting—or travelling from place to place with her dad. She doesn’t go to school. I also wanted to use the hunting to throw in a few little bits and pieces of demon lore. There’s a few other reasons plot-wise too. 2) She already killed its mate the day before. I intended to have the thing know this, and the way it looks at her, she knows it knows. I had intended her to figure out that’s also why the demon showed itself her and her buddy and not the others; It wanted to kill her. Thanks for the reply. Yes, these demons are capable of great speeds and can cover a good size distance pretty fast—although, not quite superman fast, lol. This demon has killed already (in the last few days, and many times before) the group wants to kill it before it can do anymore damage. I think this would be it really, it is an unwanted but necessary action. Thanks for the reply. They wouldn’t make camp in the middle of the forest with a demon out there. Too dangerous. They’d know better. Thanks for the reply. I don’t think I’ll go there. But thanks. Thanks for the reply. Yeah, I’m kind of leaning toward something like this… So, thinking a bit more in the ‘injured buddy’ scenario, I had thought of this: The other person she is with is injured. Big gash on/chunk out of his leg—heavy bleeding—he can’t walk well, so they sit for a moment, maybe to put something around it? The demon shows up, drawn to them via the small of the blood—or it’s been tracking the protag, because it wants to kill her specifically for killing its mate (which she did the day before—see at top of this reply). Protag tries to fight it off, but it’s still drawn to the blood of her buddy (the demon is more animal than human, so it’s not too much of a stretch). Protag figures the only thing she can do is try and lead it away from the guy. She tells him to use his phone to call the others. He protests at her leaving, but can’t stop her. She baits the demon into following her away from the scene—or it does anyway, because it wants to kill her specifically, and… on to next scene?
Sure thing! That makes sense. On another note I do like the going off to pee and getting kidnapped idea.
Haha, I'd do this! Feels so... that'd totally happen-like. If it's a long hunt, they might have to camp overnight. She goes to pee and is kidnapped by the demon who has beef with her. Also, it's easy to get lost in the woods at night (been there, done that, sigh.) But I doubt she'd go that far for privacy.
Great ideas here. I think some fine minds have already chewed this topic to pieces (and hopefully to -alex-'s satisfaction). Do the demons have any powers other than their speed and hideousness? If they have magical abilities of some sort or other, there's a whole new realm of possibilities available. It could cast illusions to confuse and separate the group. It could plant false impressions/ideas/what have you in their minds so they wander off "of their own volition" and separate themselves. It could cast out pheromones of some sort (this one doesn't even have to be magical, just a bad reaction, almost like an allergy) that disorient people or can be targeted at people (the main character) to influence them and draw them different directions. I rather like the pheromone idea, personally, if not for this then for something else. It tickles something special in my brain. Anyway, I think the magical effects are about the only thing left unexplored, and it doesn't really sound like you're going that way anyway.
Hey guys. Just wanted to stop by and say thanks for all the input. I think I’ve got a rough idea of where I’m going with the scene now, and I plan to start it tonight. Thanks again for all your help and suggestions.
