Alrighty!!! We finished our intro PM!!! Whoever the angel or angels that just walked in please post away First poster whomever you beeee
Not personally. But I bet he gets away with a lot more than he'll ever let on. ANYWAY, dearest King, supreme leader, here's my character profile... Name: Chunk Age:25 Appearance: Portly, short-ish, bespectacled, prematurely balding Position applied for (specific department, janitor, retail, stocker, ect.): Janitor Qualifications or skills: I hate dirt. Previous employments: I've been a lowly servant working for slave wages all my life. Do you desire full time or part-time: As long as you pay me enough to afford half the rent for the crappy ass trailer I share with my brother, I’m good. Education history: I was kicked out of school in the 9th grade after dumping a bucket of ice water on the principal’s head during a pep rally. I wouldn’t have done it if not for the fact that he laughed when he found out the football team glued my butt cheeks together in the locker room the day before. Anyway, after being expelled, I was home schooled and life was much better. After leaving that awful, awful school I could study without worrying about the jocks who lived to torment and torture me. I enjoyed learning in a hate free environment. Have you ever been convicted of a crime? If yes, please explain: No, but I sleep with a gun just in case some scum sucking jack wagon decides he’s going to break into my house and victimize me. I guess it’s all the old memories of being tortured that keep me on edge. Special interests or hobbies:Avoiding haters, Frisbee, Golf, Swimming, Saving pit bulls, Smoking cigars, and, of course, Short People. Fuck Randy Newman.
Uh, guys, I was walking through the pet department earlier and...where did the hamsters learn how to do this? LOL
Think I'll go find Lydia. We can't let the children see the rodents doing this! ---Lydia! Lydia! We have a hamster problem!---
So glad to be in on this. Looks like we have quite the cast of characters. Name: Ivanna Roxanna Testarossa Age: 23 Appearance: About 5’8”, super skinny, and all legs. Looks younger than she is and is easily mistaken for a teenager. She has a pale complexion, grey eyes, and messy white dreadlocks (black at the roots) that hang nearly halfway down her back. Very monochrome (black, white, sometimes a little grey), except for her red Shop’N’Drop tee and her glasses, which have colored plastic frames (usually red, too). Has numerous tattoos, mostly hidden under her clothing, except for the two black teardrops under her left eye and the words “YOUR FACE HERE” inked across the knuckles of her right fist and “Y.O.L.O.” across her left. Talks way too fast and has a heavy Russian accent. This and the general lunacy of the shit spewing out of her mouth can make it hard to keep up with what she’s saying. Position applied for: Loss Prevention / Asset Protection (That means she watches shady shoppers like a hawk and also makes sure there’s no funny business going on with the store inventory) Qualifications or skills: She has an eye for details; knows how to read people. She’s also an IT whiz, though most people wouldn’t know it by looking at her. When all else fails, she’s a scrappy brawler *cough*might-have-a-switchblade-in-her-pocket*cough* and not afraid to fuck up an (alleged) shoplifter. She’s also bilingual; fluent in Russian and has dabbled in Mandarin and Spanish. Previous employment: Nothing on the books. She does freelance programming, which is what she went to school for before dropping out. Do you desire full time or part-time: This is only a side gig. She’s just here for shits and giggles. Education history: She studied computer science, but quit uni in her third year when an app she wrote was bought by a major tech firm for major $$$$$. Have you ever been convicted of a crime? If yes, please explain: Never been caught… Special interests or hobbies: Ivanna couldn’t sit still if her life depended on it; long periods of silence or inaction make her fidgety and nervous. She rarely sleeps and spends most nights either coding or partying. Has probably tried every drug, cocktail, and sexual position known to man (and will tell you all about it). Likes music, especially punk rock or electronic, and has been in a few bands. She is also a self-proclaimed technophile, who immerses herself in all things technological and saturates herself in an (over)abundance of information. A manic genius, basically. Miscellaneous info: Might be wanted by the NSA. May have been questioned by the KGB once or twice. May not be an American citizen. Might be in the witness protection program. It’s all rumors and lies!
Looking forward to getting involved! Name: Teddy Age: 28 Appearance: Teddy is in essence exactly that. A big teddy bear. His constant weed smoking has made him slow and docile, with the "munchies" cravings leaving Teddy slightly on the larger side. That extra chubb makes him all warm and fuzzy and perfect for cuddling. His luscious brown hair is a wild garden on his head and face, long, unkempt and out of control, and his blue eyes are always bloodshot and hidden by knock off Ray-Ban sunglasses. Over his slightly outgrown Shop and Drop Tee he wears a dirty lab coat, which in his mind is enough to warrant experiments around the shop, such as fire extinguisher office chair launches. Plus the coat is good for hiding snacks in. Position applied for: Electronics Technician Qualifications or skills: Teddy, while spaced out for most of the day, possesses a great amount of talent for all things computer, both with hardware and software. He regularly spouts that he has hacked into the government's defence system, though there is of course no proof (he always finishes the story by quoting "Would you like to play a game?"in a terrible robot voice). Has also implanted a tiny device into his ass cheek so that whenever he steps through the front door of SnD, the coffee machine in the electronics department starts to boil. Again, there is no proof... plus no one wants to see his ass. Previous employment: Never worked an honest day in his life. Do you desire full time or part time work: Part time work Education history: Went to University. Can't remember where. Have you ever been convicted of a crime: Public urination. Special interests and hobbies: Smoking weed and the occasional acid. And underground robot fighting. Miscellaneous info: Teddy is quite simply one of the most chilled out people on the planet. On very rare occasions he can get a little whiny if things aren't going the way he expected, but generally he takes it all in his stride. In terms of food from his lab coat, Teddy is yet to fail any request and almost seems to produce food from thin air. Rumour has it someone asked him for a meatball sub and Teddy just produced a foot long from out of his pocket.
Guys, if my character gets a little snippy, don't take it the wrong way. I'm just having a little fun.
I almost pointed out the fact that she was obviously lying, that she'd fallen through the ceiling and shattered a shit ton of light bulbs while taking out the ceiling tiles. But I stopped myself because, hey, I'd rather follow the trail of Lucky Charms. I see the stoner has an addiction to the Charms, but that's only because he hasn't tried THESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAP'N CHRONIC AAAAANNNNNDD... PORN FLAKES!!!!!!! lol
I present to you fine people, a man, worthy of your respect, and fear. Name: Don Giovanni "La Balena" Narvalo Appearance: Don Giovanni is a large man, burly and muscled. He wears suits, loosely cut, and has olive skin and dark hair that is slowly going gray. Occupation: He is an "import/export" man with diverse interests in various other fields. Mainly, he imports fine Italian products, then sells them in the family grocery store chain, "Narvalo's Groceries," which means Narwal in Italian. The one nearest Stop'N'Drop is called The Mighty Narwhal. In case anyone is missing the subtext, Giovanni is a mafioso, crime boss, and general bad dude. The two things he hates the most are competition, and seafood. Needless to say, he hates shop'n'drop, and is actively formulating plans to buy them out and shut them down, then replace them with his own nefarious Narvalo stores. Let me stress, Narvalo stores are basically the devil incarnate in the form of a grocery store. Pure evil. Don Narvalo has three sons, Pablo (Paulie), Miguel (Mikey) and Vincenzo (Vinny). He hopes for one of them to take over the family business. The other two will most likely die. Just sayin.
With the way things are going, Mr. King's store will probably lose so much profit on the first day it will go out of business before the week is over. Maybe you should come in and offer jobs to those who are willing to jump ship in favor of working for your establishment. Chunk would probably join your team. So long as he felt he wasn't going to get shot by the mobsters doing business in the back room.
You mean, was confident it would be fine. Why did you change Gary Garrison's name to Charlie, King? And why did you write that Charlie's hobby is staring at the back of his eyelids? You see, I know why you wrote that. And I'm assuming our readers do, too. You evil, evil man.
