thefreshman's advice is founded in solidarity. Most of my friends i know would be absolutely terrified of trying to be 'just' friends with a girl and subsequently end up in the much maligned 'friend zone'. It's a sad state of affairs but true most of the time. If i had a penny for all the times i went overboard.
so for all you guys out there: if you constantly flirted with a girl that has been your friend for years, would it not be fair for her to assume that you are into her? and if you actually weren't into her, just playing around, would it be awkward for her to mention that she's had a crush on you? just something that i've spent sleepless nights pondering over...
It is pretty coomon for a guy to flirt with his female friend; however, it's also common for a guy to flirt with a girl he likes. Without knowing specific examples, it could be either one. If you like him, then you should tell him and ask him out on a date. The worst that could happen is he says no and things may be awkward for like a day or two.
I flirt with my friends that are girls all the time, but I also flirt with like everyone. I usually try to make it pretty obviously when I'm serious about it though. I would tell him that you like him. Then if he says he doesn't like you like that just go on like things were before or let it be awkward for a few days. I don't really think it's awkward but some guys do.
I don't know if this is the right place to ask this. It's about my relationship with my OH's sister. But seriously I'm so lost and there are many fresh eyes here who might help. Any advice is welcome. My OH's sister and I used to get on well. Then (long story v. short) there was a fight between the wider family where she said some things about me which were rather hurtful and which has left a rift between us. She's quite a bit younger then I am so sometimes can give in to the pit falls of youth (as we all do) selfishness, arrogance, spite. But she's so defensive about everything that you can't even have an opposite opinion without her flying off the handle at you about how "so, she's wrong because she doesn't know anything is that what we're saying?!?" It's making things difficult because an uncomfortable hostility has formed between us and I sadly have no emotional obscurity. If I'm sad - although I won't wail or say it, people can tell - it's obvious. It's become for me an almost palpable problem, I try and avoid eye contact so as not to have to make conversation with her. Things she says drives me round the bend. I know it's probably all one sided and this is becoming a weird fixation and irrational dislike and I'm trying to hide it or overcome it, but my social skills just really aren't advanced enough for dealing with this much awkward. It's got to the stage where I dread seeing her which is a problem for us all because his family is very close as am I with them. His older sister is getting married and we're both bridesmaids and so we're all spending a lot of time together. Can anyone help me break the hostility? Know any ideas for letting things wash over you? And ideas how to resolve conflict when only one person is fighting?
Hmm. Try an act of kindness to show that you're interested in making things right with her. Sometimes, that's all it takes. "Hey, can I get you a cup of coffee?" "Hey, I saw this and thought of you so I bought it for you." Even something as small as "You look pretty today." - of course you have to make sure that a compliment sounds/is utterly sincere. Try that and just watch the ice melt. It may start a conversation that is not at all related to your rift and may even lead to mending it entirely. Anyway, good luck.
I'm embarrassed to post this, but I'm just in need of some advice. {thanks!} If someone you liked--and they know you like them--asked you to help them review romantic song lyrics they wrote for another girl, would you be offended/take it personally or what? How would you see it? If you're friends w/them and talk to them almost daily, and then they want to talk about something like this, is it something you should just accept as part of being friends or should that other person not being asking you to help them with lyrics about another girl?
If he knows that you like him, and he still asked you, that seems kind of mean to me. Sure, you're friends, and him talking about this other girl he likes is going to happen. That's one thing. But writing a love song for her and asking you to review is at the very least thoughtless, at worst a cruel thing to do. I would be hurt if I were in your situation. I'm sorry.
Ah... Well in that case, that really sucks. Since he knows that you like him it could be his way (albeit a cruel one) of telling you that he's really not interested in that sort of a relationship with you. It's a tough pill to swallow, I know. I'm sorry, marina.
Thanks so much, Lav & Hidden. I second-guess myself all the time about whether it's just me being overly sensitive, and I have a particular knack for falling for guys who end up hurting me. This isn't the first time he's been cruel. Thanks again.
This will be the first time I'm asking for advice on this thread instead of giving it... I like this girl Anna. She recently got out of a relationship with this guy that she has dated many times before. The last time this happened I asked her out (couple times before she agreed though, 4 to be exact) and she said sure and said she had a lot of fun. We never were technically "dating" but we were going on dates frequently after that. Then she just randomly started dating this other guy again, kinda leaving me in this state of "Huh? What just happened?". Anyways we talked about it and, me knowing what being in love is like, I forgave her. This is, according to some mutual friends of ours, not the first time she has done this to someone. So anyways, she is out of this relationship with this guy and I really want to ask her out again. But I don't know if I should. She has done this kind of thing before and I really don't want it to happen again cause it depressed me for a while. On the other hand I really really like her. But asking out a girl 5 times is also kinda weird. Help?
Reading over this it's hard to determine why she does this. There could be many reasons, she could be scared of the unknown factor and the other guy is something familar, she could just be a girl who doesn't necessarily commit well; however without knowing the reason behind why she does that it's hard to tell you what to do. My advice would be to go hang out with her as a friend first, not as any type of date that way there is no accoutability and you both know it. If you do that a few times and it works out really well and you still really want to ask her out then maybe you should ask her out, just being very cautious about it. Just my opinion, hope it helps at least a little!
I agree with m&m that caution is best approach. Until you can figure out why she keeps going back for this guy you should probably tread lightly. The only resolution i might see to this is what yellow suggested. Other than that i don't really see another way.
Ohh maybe I should have mentioned earlier, but she is in love with this guy. He treats her bad, so she keeps leaving him but she keeps going back. It makes want to hit this kid because he keeps hurting her, but what can I do?
These kinds of patterned behaviors are just that, a pattern. They can indicate that this is unfortunately the pattern this young lady learned at some point via previous relationships or from familial relationships. I don't want to tell you to tread lightly like this girl is some sort of land mine, but if this is the pattern of behavior that she has learned to expect out of relationships, it might be something she will eventually force to happen when she is in a relationship where it does not occur naturally. Example: When I first started going out with William he was a little perplexed at my lack of a holler response. My culture is a loud culture, raised on Spanish soap operas where everyone is always screaming, crying, and smacking each other. *sigh* William's previous boyfriends, having grown up in this culture, were very much products of this culture and behaved thusly during arguments. I do not holler. I do not yell. I do not raise my voice. When I am very upset, my reaction is the exact opposite, which to William, accustomed to loud dramatic arguments, appeared to be no reaction at all. He was unable to read the signs of my upset. I realized this and had to sit down and explain to him that, try as he might, there would not be a time when he would evince such a reaction from me because it was not in my nature. Going out with a young lady like the one you have mentioned may require more of you than you expect. I hate to use the word train but there is no better word. If you do go out with her, you may find that you have to train her that there are other patterns to follow, that the pattern of {being treated like crap - huge fight - break up - make up - back to step one} is not the only pattern that exists.
I have a very horrid problem. I was meeting this boy for about three months, nothing serious we didn't even label eachother, he began to get clingy and I also found he didn't treat me or make me feel 'wow', I wouldn't usually mind but considering I was spending most of my months wages to take us to the cinema etc I began to wonder maybe he should have been the one to treat me for once. I discussed this problem and he went completely nuts, I mean screaming in my face like a mad man on crack nuts, I ended it right there and then everything was fine we started speaking as friends again even hung out a few times, but now he constantly texts me really nasty things and is non-stop ringing me. I tried blocking his number, he only rang my mothers and then started to spam up my email with abusive threats. I changed both my number and email and two days ago he somehow got them, hes beginning to scare me and he finds out where I go on the weekends and has began to follow me around and threaten any other boy that tries to talk to me. I know what most will say 'get a restraining order,' I've already tried I went to the police showed them all the texts and emails, all they did was make matters worse by warning him, he threatened me again yesturday and Im starting to get really worried. Anyone got any ideas? I'm afraid to go to the police again in case they don't do anything and just give him another warning, also I accidently left my email on the main computer and my older brother read most of the mail from him, he's really angry and I'm afraid in case my brother does something stupid and gets into trouble. I don't know what to do!! K, x
My advice would to be to go to the police again. This sounds way to serious to deal with on your own. If you don't want to go to the police I would then say try talking to an adult that can either help you put a stop to this or talk to someone who can. But I would definately say going to the police again would be the best solution, perhaps try taking an parent or someone with you so that you have someone backing you up.
Go to the police again and I would also suggest getting a can of pepper spray or something like that to defend yourself.
Yeah, I'm going to second everything that's already been said (or third, in the case of the police). Talk to the police and do everything you can to make them take you seriously and do more to help you than warn him. And for sure, get some pepper spray. Even if you didn't have a creepy dude harassing you, I would still recommend having some pepper spray, just in case. Also, if you can, try not to go places alone unless you absolutely have to. Safety in numbers.
Keep all the texts and emails he sends you, and go back to the police with them. Particularly any threats of violence, because they could constitute assault. And if you're location is South Wales in the UK, then under English and Welsh law, you can get an injunction to prevent him contacting you.
Take this information to the police. This is serious. Don't let them brush you off. I don't know how you would do it in South Wales, but in te United States, I would probably go to the nearest district court instead of the police department at this point, and ask to speak with someone in the District Attorney's office. The fact that he as threatened you after going to the police is a significant violation. In the US, that is criminal assault. Also check what kinds of personal protection are legal for you, or that you can get a license for. I don't recommend a handgun, but something along the line of pepper spray or a stun gun may be a good idea.
This isn't the most serious problem in the world, but it gives me a headache and definitely makes me worry from time to time. My girlfriend and I recently had a kind of loss of all our friends due to a huge group fight so we're off trying to make new friends and such, it's irritating, but dealable. I'm making a few friends fine, but my girlfriend has a hard time making friends with girls because she likes hanging around guys and basically acts like a guy (there is nothing wrong with this for me haha). But here's the real problem. Well over half of the "friends" she has made, which are almost all guys, end up asking her out and then become stalkers of her for a given period of time. Now I'm not concerned about her breaking up with me because we both love each other whole-heartedly, but what I'm concerned about is her safety. Some of these guys really do text or call her or show up at her work all the time even though she rejects them outright. She even had a pretty close call with one guy who was a convicted felon (we didn't find this out till a few days later). Now I'm not trying to sound like I want to control my girlfriend's friends, but am I wrong in saying that she should really stop trying to make friends with mostly guys? It really hurts me to think about it, but I really do worry for her and I don't know how to say it. Or if I even should say it. I don't want to offend her or something. Does anybody have any thoughts? I know this is kind of a strange, so I give you a preemptive apology. But I really need to know what I should do, if anything at all. - Steve
That's a really tricky situation...I can understand your girlfriend's position because I'm the same way, it's always been easier for me to make friends with guys than girls, and I can understand your position (sort of) because Joel has had to put up with guy friends being interested in me, too (though none of them were crazy about it like these guys have been-that's really creepy). I wouldn't necessarily say that she should stop making friends with mostly guys, but I do think that you should advise her to use more caution when choosing new friends. Sorry you're in this situation. Kind of a crappy thing to have to deal with...
