Well....I would! haha...I"m pretty rare or something but that's what I'm looking for. Never hurts to try, it's just been my experience ya know. You know what's good for you.
I dated my wife for 6 years the last 4 of were while we were at college in different states. It was crazy tough, but we are better for it.
That's pretty incredible... The only person I know who had something somewhat similar is a girl whose boyfriend was in the army. Two years without seeing each other face to face. Mingo: Well, I'm a long-term kinda of guy
Ok so I am looking for your guys opinions on a mental dilhema i'm currently having So coming up in about a month or so, at my school, is tolo (for those that don't know it's the girl ask guy dance) and a large group of my friends are probably going to go and I think it would be really fun to go with them. However, just from past experiences, dances tend to be more fun with a date. A few weeks ago a couple of my friends were trying to convince me that I should go to tolo, and one of them suggested I ask a friend of mine she sort of knows; and ever since then I haven't been able to really shake the idea. So here's the dilhema, I don't know whether or not to ask him. On the one hand I think it would be fun to go with him and hang out with him because I rarely ever see him (he goes to a different school and lives a ways away from me), plus a couple of my friends sort of know him therough me and think it would be funny if he came. On the other hand I rarely see him, I only text him alot, so it might be kind of awkward; also it's a huge pain to fill out the papers to bring someone from another school to the dance (I had to do it for homecoming), plus I would get so much crap from my parents friends. The way i know him is because our parents have the same group of friends/family friends and I'm sure all of them would find out fairly quickly between my parents and his if we were going together. And while they wouldn't mean it in a bad way at all, I would never hear the end of it. so...what do you guys think?
I don't often regrets things that I do, but I do often regret things I don't do. I think you know what I'm getting at. Better to try and make a mistake than kick yourself after for not even seeing how it goes. As for me, it's fairly simple--after some discussion with my ex-current-whatever boyfriend I've decided that I'd rather if he and I were in an open relationship. He's not keen on the idea. Suggestions?
An open relationship like you're dating but can also date other people? That whole idea has always seemed weird to me.
That is correct. A relationship with multiple people. As our particular situation keeps us apart for a lengthy period of time which cannot be closed in the future I figured that I should be develop other relationships to satisfy needs (of all kinds, including emotional) that cannot be met. I have no wish to bring him any uncertainty or suffering as I love him dearly, but in this situation I'm left without the fulfillment of some essential needs. I don't wish to lose him, but nor do I think I can continue as we are, in an exculsive relationship. Advice?
Well...I grew up in a religion where the general dating practice was to group date and casual date, rather than date exclusively, so in my opinion, I don't see anything bad about casually dating...but when you start to get into situations where there's one particular person that you want to single out while still dating other people, the whole concept starts to get weird and emotionally confusing to me. Honestly, I don't think it's a great idea, just because it's sort of like being friends with an ex-one of you will likely have stronger feelings than the other, which could lead to hurt feelings, conflict, etc.
well I don't think I'll regret it all that much if I don't ask him.... I think my major problem is I don't know if it's worth it to deal with the bad parts that would come with asking him..
haha maybe I should then post it on here for you to evaluate lol man I suck at making dance decisions...I was on here for homecoming too
well this one is girl ask guy so you know... but yeah dances kind of suck in a way...funny how everyone always wants to go so bad
so I understand your pain haha.Just do what Heather says, figure out the pros and cons and then do whatever's best for ya. But chances are, that if you just ask him and fill all that form crap out, you'll have a good time anyways.
yeah still the form crap was a huge pain for homecoming and there's still the other issues... maybe when I'm done with my homework I will make a pro/con list
It isn't often I ask for advice on this kind of thing, but here goes. Firstly, when it comes to the opposite sex, my confidence is utterly shot to pieces. And I don't just mean asking out confidence, I mean confidence full stop. I won't offer a hug because I feel it might be misinterpreted, other little things like that - that's how low my confidence is. It's got to the stage of being so bad I won't bother trying to cultivate a romantic relationship, simply because, as sure as the sun rises in the east, she's not going to be interested. And it's not just my confidence with the fairer sex that's utterly non-existent. For about 2 1/2 years I've had no confidence socially. I'd go into more detail about why, but for certain reasons I'd rather not go into I don't particularly want to discuss it. Suffice to say that this has left me in a position that's left me afraid to do certain things, like live away (which I am these days, but paying very regular visits home), and go out on evenings for long periods. Essentially this has put me in something of a bind for where I am now. There's this girl, and I'd like to ask her out. Unfortunately thanks to this lack of confidence in myself I'm worrying about the idea of asking her for a drink. In this particular case, it's not the asking for a drink I'm worried about, it's my problems manifesting themselves into a potential relationship. This was OK the last time I got close to a girl, because she knew my past without me having to go down a painful road, but with this girl, who doesn't know about me like Laura did it's really playing on my mind. I don't want to go into my past and explain it all to her, why I'm so paranoid and awkward. I'm afraid that my past would get in the way if I explained it, and when (not if) my various problems manifested themselves I'd ruin any relationship without an explanation (which would ruin a relationship once a girl found out what a confidence-lacking emotional basketcase I am and just what she'd got herself into). In short, I haven't the foggiest what I should do about this. I want to ask this girl, but I don't want to reveal that side of me to her until much later, when she knows me properly and knows that side of me is something I'm trying to overcome. Help?
Joel says he would go to the gym, or do something that makes you feel good about yourself, to help you build confidence. I don't know what my advice is. I don't know your situation, of course, but I had similar confidence problems when I met Joel. For me, building our relationship was really helped by our becoming friends first, but I have to admit, I think I got incredibly lucky with Joel. Are you in this girl friends already, or have you never really hung out?
Dante, I'm not quite sure what kind of advice I'd have for you because you seem to be referring to some past experience we here are not aware of --nor are we imploring about, of course. Just putting that out there. I had a pretty terrible social anxiety when I was younger and was prescribed medication for it. I couldnt even pick up the telephone because I was so nervous. After a while I went off it unsucessfully, but what I did instead was I threw myself into a lot of organizations that I knew would require me to use a lot of communication skills. When I started, I wasnt very good because my nervousness got in the way but as I made friends and developed professional relationships with my other coworkers and learned to get over it. Now people have trouble getting me to shut up, lol. For me this exercise was youth journalism. Of course that's not everybody's passion (heck, it's not even mine), but if you decide to go that route, definitely do something you're comfortable with, even if it's an uncomfortable setting. You've always come across as a very intelligent person to me; for you, this could be perhaps tutoring with other students who might need help? As for romance, I'm lucky enough to be a girl in this situation so men are traditionally supposed to approach me, which is nice because I would never have the stones to ask someone out myself. Finding outgoing women might be a solution (lol), or working out a way for you to keep up your emotional shield. I know for some people this is through telephone conversations or online... It might detract from a possible relationship if kept up too long, but for starting one off? It's all mindset, buddy. Without knowing the whole thing, I dont think I can really say that much (as if I havent already ), but that's essentially what it boils down to. Good luck?
You know, one thing I get from reading your post is that your perspective on yourself and others is probably completely messed up. You've got issues, this girl's got issues, we've all got them. It might be helpful to keep in mind that you're just a guy with some past history that's painful and one you have to deal with whenever you want to do something social. That's it. But don't make it bigger than it is. You need to try to remind yourself about all of the awesome stuff about you--and if you can't come up with a good, long list of positive stuff about yourself, then you're totally fooling yourself and need to work on being realistic about your talents, accomplishments, virtues, etc. And then keep in mind that this girl, or any other girl you may end up liking in the future, will also have a list of awesome stuff about themselves along with the not-so-great stuff. This girl is not perfect at all, and while you aren't either, you are made of awesomeness as much as she is. You just have this past stuff that is messing with your brain. But, again, remember, she's going to have her own "stuff" that you don't know about at this point. So go to the gym p Joel is right on that one), take a shower, and then ask this girl if she'd like to have a drink with you or whatever. If she says yes, then she's brilliant enough to know this is a nice, decent guy that she should definitely have a drink with, and if she says no, then she's a little dumber than you realized , and brush it off and move on. It's not the end of the world. One other thing... While whatever happened in the past has caused you to lose perspective about the great things about yourself, it also is a bit of a blessing in that it probably has made you more sensitive to others' feelings/emotional needs. This is a good thing--especially for a developing an awesome relationship with someone. Smart girls like empathic boys.
Thank you all. I'll be taking all that into account and I'm definitely going to ask when I see her (if it's convenient, obviously - no way am I asking if she's surrounded by certain members of the usual suspects). And sorry for coming across like a whiny so and so. Just occasionally I get a little frustrated at myself and my own inability to overcome my shortcomings.
