1) Cut them out of your life. Depending on the situation, this could be permanent or temporary, but it should be total abstinence. Like ripping off a Band-Aid, it sucks, but then it's over. 2a) Remind yourself that you are hot. This sometimes means you will have to put the other person down (just in your mind --'cause spreading rude gossip, well, that s*** gets back to you ). Do anything besides wallow in your misery. 2b) The best way to not wallow in your misery is to get out with your friends and meet new people. You have to become a bit thick-skinned and accept the fact that not everyone is going to like you. You have to be able to say, "Well, that's too bad. ...Next!" 3) Paint that smile upon your face until it becomes real! Because your homeostasis is somewhat cyclical. If you tell yourself you suck, then you'll start to believe that you suck, and then you really will suck. In the same vein, if you tell yourself you're hot and happy, then it will become true for you. xx
Don't try to make the "someone" another BF/GF, because using people like that is kind of sad. Perhaps spend more time with a family member, or join a club or something.
Been there done that. I liked a guy a looooong time ago that had some major anger issues. Like he beat up his best friend over something very trivial. I'd known he had violent tendencies for a while. I didn't want to see it though because in my young teenage heart I loved him so much and thought my love could change him. Him beating his friend so badly he was covered head to toe in bruises finally got me to see it. It depends on the situation. If it's something like this then you have to remind yourself that this person wasn't healthy for you to be with. That they would have just hurt you emotionally or physically (as far as I'm concerned the two go hand in hand). If someone has a quality that's a deal breaker for you then you have to stick to your guns. It's not worth the heartache you'll experience if you insist on trying to 'save' them. Again I'm not totally sure about the situation. I imagine it's something similar since you said you aren't supposed to like them. Though I'm not sure. It's really best to focus on yourself just concern yourself with becoming who you want to be and not being who someone else may want you to be. You shouldn't ever have to change yourself for someone for them to love you. Do the things you love. Hang out with friends. Write! Or even learn something totally new. A distraction is a great way to move on. Just don't use another person as a stand in. That's not good for you or them. I hope something out of all that helped. I was trying to cover all possibilities.
I stopped loving my Ex boyfriend who was horrible to me when I learned to love myself. Plus, having a sexy new man doesn't hurt either. But don't just try to replace your desire with something else! :3 never works.
I'm in trouble for something and I have no idea what. I did nothing, my girlfriend has been talking to other people, and that translated to mega dog-housing for me. Seriously? What the hell female species. What the hell.
Hmm...might this be a case of 'she doesn't want you, but she doesn't wany anyone else to have you either' kind of situation? Have you been getting too close and personal to another girl, too soon after breaking up? Did you let off steam to a mutual friend, who then did a chinese-whispers on you? I don't know. But I'm of the female species, so I'm just brainstorming here.
Women aren't a species.. we're people too. Saying things like "What the hell female species" isn't going to help matters. Ask her nicely what happened. She's entitled to her feelings just as much as you are so if she says something you don't like just listen and let her get it out then work to rectify the situation together. If you get mad/upset with someone for how they feel about a given situation it makes them feel like it's not safe (emotionally) for them to share if something hurt them or upset them. It's a hard lesson to learn but trust me it's true.
I'm not the one shutting off here. She won't talk to me. Oh well, time to get my drink on I guess, the night can't be saved. Ash, we have been together for a long time, I suspect it is some how related to my brother's fiancée, but I'm not positive. The two of them don't get along (long, stupid, history). I love the woman, but sometimes I want to choke her
Is there anything you can do to get her to talk? Kinda hard to fix something if you won't talk about it.
Damn, Kyle...I wish I had some advice for you, but honestly, when I get in the sort of mood that it sounds like your GF is in, there's really no reasoning with me. I hope you guys talk it out soon, though.
All you can do is stay open to communication. If she shuts you out, then all you can do is keep the door open for her. But really, communication is the foundation of any lasting relationship. I have been very fortunate that my life is relatively drama-free, at least as far as relationships go. I have yet to experience a relationship of mutual attraction, though I've made some great friends along the way. I'm definitely looking for a girlfriend, I just can't seem to find anyone who is both interesting to talk to and that we're interested in each other. Plenty of one-ways though. Maybe all love really is unrequited after all... Also have had some lousy history when it comes to relating to either sex. I don't relate to other guys, at least not in any culture I've heard of. Exception: my immediate family, father and brother. We get along just great. My mother too, but wonderful freaks like her are hard to come by. I've found a few, we get along great, but our lives just aren't moving in the same direction. Communication really is key, and at several levels. I'm just looking for someone I can resonate with, despite our quirks and shortcomings.
writers are the only real people alive, everyone else is still in the matrix keeping alive the sex/gender myth, our genitalia are illusions created to harness our precious bodily fluids / energy for skynet.
Enlightening. Right, before I throw myself in at the deep end this time, I thought I'd get some advice. Might save me making a complete and utter idiot of myself (just to break the habit of a lifetime). I've just found out that a lass I've known from school and college is coming home after a year in Germany. Cut a (very) long story short, she's the one that got away, and with her coming back and recent events here I've been seriously considering going for it with her. We're on good terms (although we haven't always been, on account of both of us being fiery characters), and we've known each other for years, so there shouldn't be awkwardness. I wouldn't even be thinking this but for recent events. I just keep thinking that life's too short at the moment, and I just want to know if there might be something - it's bugged me for years.
Go for it. I spent 7 months in Germany and met my girlfriend 5 weeks before I left. When I came back we were able to make a proper go of it.
I say go for it, too, Dante. I'd rather be told "no" and have an answer than spend the rest of my life wondering.
I'm just aware of the history. Dammit, stop second-guessing! And I suppose if I did go for it and it turned out well...
Ok to make it real simple: Now = Single If she goes for it = Relationship If she doesn't go for it = Single (no big deal you haven't lost anything)
You seem to set your aim for something serious. I would reconsider this and go in for it with an open mind. Just enjoy the ride see how things turn out, and enjoy whatever it blooms into. Even its just a flirt, ****buddies, a relaxed few mouths relationship or 50 year long marriage. It never to late to back out if your don't like it. Aiming for just a serious thing can get in the way for letting things bloom and grow on the own.
With mine and L's past, I get the feeling ****buddies is out of the question Thanks for the advice, though. My main problem is that I'm a little too intense at times and a little too serious. Dammit, my biggest problem now is getting over my 'what ifs'.
^ Sorry, no offence, but I think that's really poor advice. Dante wants a relationship, and I wouldn't treat this is a 'beggers can't be choosers' case where he has to accept whatever he gets. I seriously doubt he'd have a quick fumble with 'the one that got away' and be satisfied. The whole f/ck-buddy thing is just....yuck. Tacky. Dante, there's no need to ruin something good. Get back in touch as mates, ask how things have been, what she's been up to - and if you feel the same way for her in a few weeks, then see what happens. I wouldn't advise that you go 'in for the kill' as it were, because that might be a bit much given that she's been away a while. I agree with Hidden overall, though - go for it! Just don't be too eager. (Whilst subsequently not seeming disinterested. Ok, girls can be complicated.)
Don't be too hard on yourself, Dante. I think taking the plunge is something that everyone, at least on some level, struggles with. God knows, I was nervous to go for it with Joel...it's tough to put yourself out there like that. Whatever you decide to do, good luck. I hope it works out the way you'd like it to.
Oh. I didn't mean it in a "beggars cant be picky"way. There is thousand of ways you can connect with people. Intellectually, emotionally, physically, romantically. Mixes of diffrent shades of all. And you cant know where you find what. You might find a best friend where you were looking for a life partner, you might find a lover in an intellectual soul mate, you can find a brother in you ex, you might find the love of your life in a causal lover. And I think all relationships that is important to you as a person are awesome great and a lovely thing. No matter what nature the relationship is. (Excluding really destructive and abusive ones.) And I think you should meet every person as it is and see how you connect. Even if he longs and is looking for a romatical partner she might not be it. It doesn't mean that the meting between them can't turn into a beautiful relationship of some other kind. And I'm of the opinion and experince that lovers or ****buddies can be fantastic warm and creative relationships to have in your life.
I understand, W176; we all have our different views on love and emotion. And I agree once again with Hidden, Dante -don't be so hard on yourself. These r/ships that have gone wrong or never took off aren't all down to you, some things just aren't meant to be. Besides, you get Kudos for trying! Most people don't have the guts to risk rejection and happiness like you do. Not only that, but it appears that you're looking for a decent girl and not some fake one-hit-wonder. As long as your heart's in the right place, you can't go far wrong. Good luck! x
