That Moment...

To think it could have been a sexy Nordic spider trying to get you to go on a date.

 

I don't know about sexy Nordic spiders, but one time is a kiddo I felt a tingle on on the back of my neck and when I went to scratch it, I fell a squish found that I crushed a spider

 

Cockroach....

 

E

Ewwww... that would have sent me into OCD alot sooner in life.

 

Why do I keep getting the impression that you would rather have any other job under the sun than the one you have? You hate restaurants, don't you? Or maybe it's just the clientele. Or the line cooks. Or the wait staff. Or Gordon Ramsay.

 

They keep telling me to upvote posts and so on, but when I do, my Quora To-Do list stays the same. Bummer.

 

That moment when you've installed Kindle Previewer 3 on your computer and you're checking your ebook formatting progress, and none of your sexy drop caps are showing up, and your scene break symbols are sitting left, not centered, and you're resigning yourself to doing without all that . . . then you realize you've uploaded an old file.

EDIT: Which I knew I'd loaded the next-to-the-latest file, because I was afraid I had to close my working file to load it. But I was still expecting to see the latest edits.

Sigh.

 

Careful your turning me on with all these things.

 

TMW looking for your $206 dollar wireless headset that you lost, tearing the house apart, tearing the car apart, tearing myself... apart! Fuck! Maybe I should give in to temptation and buy another headset. That sounds like a vicious circle worse than any of the worst gambling addictions....

"Don't worry honey! I'm just going to the race track, the horse's name is Lucky! There's no way I can lose!"

 

TMW you're eating a nice bowl of oatmeal and a roach, just above your bowl of tasty oats with apples, pecans, vanilla and cinnamon, decides it can no longer grip the ceiling. As its tiny legs give out, the disgusting creature falls back first into the oatmeal, its little legs moving furiously as it drowns itself in some cinnamon.

 

Eat it... I... double... dog... dare... you...
"Ohmygoshe!!! She double dog dared!"

Or... in a sick twisted completely gross alternate universe where everything is the same... except we treat cockroaches like family. Perform CPR Quickly! C'mon little gipper you can make it!

 

Ugh! You know, I can't decide whether to hope the little fucker died a slow, miserable death as revenge, or went quickly for your sake!

 

Never have oats without a helping of protein. It's much healthier that way!

Seriously though, fuck that thing for ruining your oatmeal.

 

You're not alone. Although it is very hot atm...

 

Just fucking ugh....my old apartment was full of the bastards, now if we even sense one we bug-bomb the place twice, 10 days apart, but in the old building? That would just free up turf for the ones in the hall or nextdoor.

Utmost sympathies.

 

Oh girls, don't get me started. There's a room full of feather pillows just waiting to be had. After that, who knows. I am cool to the touch if it's too hot.

 

It just wanted to help stir the oatmeal, yeesh!

 

TMW you go to the effort to get dressed to the post office to get your money, only to find on your arrival that it's shut, because it's 4pm on a saturday...!

 

In honor of you and your late bowl of oatmeal, here's a pome (sic) I perpetrated when I was 17, after a similar incident:

*clears throat*

The Cockroach
Cockroach, cockroach, crawling on the ceiling,
Cockroach, cockroach, tell me what you're stealing.
Rob me of my sanity,
Drive me up the wall---
Bam! with a big shoe, and
Down
You
Fall.

 

TMW you walk outside and-

 

Now, see, THIS is why God created credit cards. And ATMs. And modern technology in general.

 

I don't agree with credit cards (debit cards are fine), and I'm ok with ATMs, but I don't wanna pay 5 euro a month to have a bank account. There aren't enough benefits for me to do that.