That Moment...

Oh ugh... Breakin' 2 Electric Boogaloo is one of the only movies I've ever walked out of the theater over, and I was like 12 or something.... Don't remember anything about it other than a visceral hatred that persists after (quick google) 34 years.

 

TMW the last empty seat on the bus is next to you and it's not racism. I've been in these clothes for 28 hours and three airports...

 

Unfortunately that will likely mean some kind of intensive research on my part...but I think I can handle that.

 

TMW when a Facebook friend sends you an invite to attend a film convenition.... in Ireland. Bud, you... you know I’m from the United States, right? As in across an entire ocean? Granted the event isn’t until September 21st but still...

 

You can swim, right? Ireland is an island, should be no problem for a whale from my home caliphate.

 

I'd offer you a ride, but I'm in the middle of an ocean somewhere, or at the bottom. Poor planning on my part.

 

TMW you're enjoying a walk along the beach, baby waves lapping at your feet on the golden sand. You turn to look up the beach at someone yelling a warning at you just as you get drenched by a freak wave.

 

You must be exceptionally confused if you can't tell Sponge Bob land from the surface. Commisserations.

 

I would offer to put you up...but I don't have a pool.

 

I went to rescue somebody in the ocean and didn't really have a plan for getting back so I'm still here. It's okay, I'm only mostly dead.

 

TMW you see a one-armed man with some sort of palsy walking towards you, so you move to give him some room on the sidewalk.

TMW he manages to get his phone from his left back pocket with his hithertofor hidden right hand, begins walking normally with both hands in view, and you realize that while there is something wrong with him, it ain't physical...

 

<swims to you>

Climb on me. We’re getting to land.

 

TMW you nearly get attacked by a dog when you leave your counsellors building.

TMW you nearly get attacked later in the same day by a totally different dog. WTF did I do?!

Spoiler

In case anyone was wondering...they were both small dogs.

 

TMW... you realize you haven't posted in WF for a while and need to think of something quick.. but come up dry.

 

Keyser Soze

 

TMW Dr. Mrs. The Monarch's voice doesn't even register as weird anymore.

 

I reach, only to find my mostly dead limbs unresponsive. I twist, once, twice... my arm flings over your back with a splatt. I raise my head wealky and whisper, "Oh, Thank Neptune... " A shallow sigh escapes as my face comes down on your back with another slpatt.

 

<swims you to land>

 

Assumptions. They get us every time.

 

TMW you've been staring at a colourful wild parrot eating from a bush directly out of the window, so close you could reach out and grab it but for the glass. It finally looks up and notices you. Instead of flying away in panic, it gives you a hard look as if to say, "What're you staring at, creep!" You feel a little uncomfortable and back away slowly. It nods in satisfaction and goes back to eating from the bush.

 

TMW you actually post context. O-O
Who am I?

 

many thanks orca friend

 

He's orca-strated your safe journey.

...

...

I'm sorry

No I'm not

 

Whale that's hardly appropriate.