That Moment...

When I was in 3d grade I had rheumatic fever (a heart infection), and confined to bed rest for three months -- unfortunately only the first month was school, the other two were summer vacation.

 

That's the rawest deal I ever heard of. I know it was a number of years ago, but please accept my condolences.

 

If you're handing out condolences . . . . that was when treating it with home bed rest and antibiotics was the "new" thing, so besides bed rest I got a daily injection of penicillin, the injustice of which was somewhat alleviated by a coupon for a free ice cream cone for each shot. I decided to save them up and have a party. Of course the ice cream place went out of business the week before I got off bed rest.

Yet I'm not bitter. Much, anyway, though I've never forgotten it.

 

I believe in the Rapture, I just think it already happened and involved three people, tops.

Remember when Diogenes walked around Athens in broad daylight with a lantern, looking for an honest man? Or when Lot sought out righteous citizens of Sodom in vain?

Yeah, the good ones already left, and there were so few that no one else noticed

 

TMW you don't know what to put here.

 

TMW you get accepted into 3 bands at once as the lead singer....

 

TMW you thought the sun was rising but it was the moon being all bright and lovely through your window.

 

TMW you need to go to the bathroom but it's 12:00 and you thought you saw something white move past you in a dark spot (maybe a ghost?) and--RUUUUUUUUN!

 

TMW you scare your sister on her first day of her first job ever

Spoiler

family group chat
Sister (who is the new lab tech): wow! Everyone here is black!
Me: reminds me of this book called Lakewood where a college student goes to work for a lab in the middle of nowhere and finds out that all the people working as lab assistants are minorites, then she finds out that THEY are the experiment
Sister:..... Why would you tell me this?
Brother: #GETOUT!!
Mom: yall arent right! Ha ha! You'll be fine
Brother: (no you wont)

 

Me @ my last 3 vocal chords:

 

I can't remember the name of it, but there was a fast-food chain in Istanbul that wanted you to gulp and go to the point that they had standing tables, no seats.

They also had your mother's ("yo mama's"?) stuffed peppers, I think.

 

FIFY, Mrs. P.

 

Antlers lowered, shots fired. Who will prevail? Tune in tomorrow for the next thrilling episode of Homer's Family Life.

 

Someone make this a series.

 

TMW you make a quick run to the store to beat the rain, and you tell
the lady working that's what you're doing. And she says, "Dehydrated",
and all you can say is, "Only if you separate the hydrogen from the oxygen."

 

Reminds me of being promised ice cream when I got my tonsils out, and all I got was ice chips.

 

That moment when you think, "Look, I've got enough of that red Christmas plaid fabric left to make a nice face mask," then you realize that still wearing masks next Christmas is the last thing you want.