The fine line between bromance and homosexuality.

ouch i heard those emenas are painful. I am grateful you took that on my behalf

 

In the US it seems to be in heavy use lately regarding any kind of "Buddy" movie.

The problem with the term is that I believe it makes guys extra homophobic, in the literal definition of the term. For instance, I read this one fitness forum and the young guys are always asking "Will I be a homo if..." and they're extraordinarily paranoid about "being" or "getting made" gay mundane behavior.

That's not how it was when I was younger and I believe terms like "bromance" inspire homophobia by making men worry about common expressions of friendship. So, an arm around the shoulder is transformed into something "weird" to think and worry about. That doesn't improve any trype of relationship.

 

That's assuming it's being used in a negative or weird sense. That's not how my friends and I use it, and I don't think that's how it was being used on the thread. Keep in mind I never said the word can't be offensive, just that it's not inherently offensive, which means it's perfectly okay to use if its intention isn't negative. I don't see how the word itself automatically has a negative connotation. Read (again) how my friend defined it -- that's how I understand it too, and it's actually a positive thing. It shows a level of comfort that is the exact opposite of homophobia.

Just because bad comedies sometimes use the word in a homophobic way doesn't make the word homophobic.

 

You're making some kind of relativity point that I'm sure is fine for you, but it's not what I'm talking about. You and your friends might have turned the term "Motherf@cker" into a term of affection, but friend it has not trickled down to the rest of us.

 

Again, you're assuming something of this word that's simply not true. You haven't provided a shred of evidence besides your own personal opinion that this word is widely considered as offensive (bad comedies don't count, as I think they've warped an otherwise innocent word, and I harly consider them the authority on word usage), while I've shown evidence to the contrary. I don't know why you keep insisting on saying that everyone in this thread is homophobic. Frankly, it's this us vs them mentality that perpetuates homophobia. The best thing to do is to treat sexual orientation as no big deal, but here, you're ready to start a war over it.

 

One thing that is pretty clear is that guy friends never talk in any fashion how they feel about each other. They'll show it in actions, but not in words. They might say "He's my best friend," to other people, but will never say "You're my best friend, dude." to their best friend. I can't say all gay couples talk about their feelings to each other, but my friends who are gay definitely do.

Straight friends still express themselves, but cryptically. You said you might have one say "I trust you with my life, bro!" or something. Instead, they might say simpler things like "Thanks, dude." and "Yeah, man. I got your back." Simple words, but they mean so much more.

 

Your use of the word "evidence" is hilarious here.

Do you demand a "bromance" study?

The term is a media creation and I'm providing my analysis of it, and you'll just have to deal with it over the course of your life. I suggest beginning today.

 

What you're describing is what I've talked about in the thread.

When I was growing up guys would frequently talk to me about their feelings. It's how I ended up becoming a therapist, because it was like I was always a therapist. Weirdly, the toughest guys were the first in line and again, that's how I got into working with criminals.

Meanwhile, I look kind of like a professional wrestler and not some "sensitive guy" emo guy, but I kind of am like that. Guys weren't and still aren't afraid to talk to me and I always get hugs and affectionate comments from male friends. And, at least on my part there's no borderline homosexuality going on.

 

My use of the word evidence is rather general here, in that the only thing you provided that fits any reasonable definition is your own opinion of the meaning of the word (disguised as "facts" that you seem to think are universal knowledge).

It remains the case that no one in this thread used the word in a homophobic manner, and just because it *can* be used that way doesn't make it reasonable for you to guilt trip us all over being homophobic. (By the way, I love the irony of trying to claim that I'm homophobic for using the word. That's just rich.)

And what do you mean I'll have to "deal with it"? I'm dealing with it perfectly fine, you're the one getting his panties all up in a bunch over people using the word in any context. I've turned off quite a few movies because of their clear homophobic undertones, and I rarely watch those kinds of comedies because of it; I know how to deal with homophobia in the media. That doesn't mean I'm going to start a holy war over people using a word that *could* be interpreted as homophobic in other contexts. And you doing so doesn't do me any favors.

As a gay man, I can't stand it when people think they need to defend me from what they view as homophobia. We can handle ourselves just fine, thank you very much. All it does is alienate those people and make them feel like there *is* an intrinsic difference between them and gay people.

 

Most of the jokes I would probably be accused of homophobia for telling I got from gay men

It is like my desire to get one of my gay characters to say, 'Love, you just don't get in the way of a gay man hanging curtains.' It maybe a bit of a stereotype but three gay men said it to me in the space of six months lol

 

That's not homophobic... that's just funny
Something like this only becomes homophobic if you genuinely believe that all gay guys are like that.
Also, a gay guy *does* have a better chance of getting away with saying that.

My friends make gay jokes all the time. In some contexts, that would be homophobic. In this context, the jokes are actually a sign that they are comfortable with it (it has to do with the dynamics of the group and their personalities -- it's not something that can be readily explained).

 

One way to emphasis the point that they are bros would be to have them have a long history, not that you need to go into every single detail, but 'best friends since preschool' would be an idea to consider. If you put emphasis on the nature of their friendship AS a friendship in addition to the rest of the suggestions so far, then it shouldn't be too hard to grasp.

 

Not a bad suggestion. This kind of background certainly doesn't preclude a romantic relationship, but it definitely makes an extremely close friendship seem very reasonable. I think in that context, I'd likely *not* assume that they're sexually involved, which would definitely be a win, since, as Seiglinde mentioned, folks like me will tend to assume things

 

I agree lol but as a straightish woman I guess I need to be more careful

Think my gay characters are wide ranging enough that I will get away with it - somehow have ended up with around fourteen of them over five stories not one is the same. Think it is because writing men first person I much more comfortable about writing having a romance with a man - kind of know how to handle one would be stuck with a woman. Plus only one of the men I have ever dated has so far not entered into a same sex partnership.

 

I'm having an interesting time of writing straight male characters. I think enough of my friends told crude jokes that I can fake it easily enough

 

Trouble is my husband is the only straight man I have ever dated lol And my bestfriend is gay - in fact several of my close male friends are. Even my brother will go with anything wearing a hat.

My frame of reference for straight men is kind of slim - I am starting to learn more have more straight female friends now.

 

I realize that I'm a little late to this conversation, but it's going to be impossible to write male friends without someone shipping them. It's delicious when a story hints at it.

I've been watching the first season of Supernatural, and oddly enough it's when Sam and Dean have a Faux Yay moment that they seem most straight. (Faux Yay being when they purposely act homosexual even though they're not.)

 

Amazingly, I am not talking about you.

I'm talking about an assault on straight male high quality loving friendship.

 

Just so you know, "Bromance" is a portmanteau coined by an editor for Big Brother magazine in 1990 in an attempt to describe the close relationship some skaters develop from spending so much time skating together.

Source:
http://www.theage.com.au/news/relationships/a-grand-bromance/2007/08/23/1187462423868.html

 

Okay, time to close this down before I have to start issuing infractions.