1. Published on Amazon? If you have a book, e-book, or audiobook available on Amazon.com, we'll promote it on WritingForums.org for free. Simply add your book to our Member Publications section. Add your book here or read the full announcement.
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Dismiss Notice
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Sylvester

    Sylvester Member

    Oct 29, 2008
    Likes Received:

    The kidnapping of Phoenix Force

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Sylvester, Nov 10, 2008.

    Playing with the demo copy of Final Draft.

    This is the rough draft of the kidnapping. Phoenix Force has just survived the explosion of a satellite in space and are going to help the FBI capture the kidnappers. Too late, they discover that the agents are the kidnappers and they are the ones being kidnapped.

    The sky is lit with the FLASHES of debris from the satellite burning up in the Earth’s atmosphere.
    Phoenix Force teleports in and looks up at the night sky.
    We did it.

    The kids jump up and down hooting and hollering in celebration.
    Behind them, Agent Howard, John Bloc, and a half dozen other FBI agents appear and begin approaching them.
    The kids notice them. They touch their belt buckles
    Force fields off.
    The kids move toward them then stop and look up to the sky.
    We did it!
    Yes, you did it.
    Did the kidnappers show up?
    Uh, yes.
    The conversation is interrupted by the brief wail of a SIREN. The kids turn to see a large truck pulls up. From the lights and labeling, it appears to be an ambulance.
    The kids are dazzled by the lights. Half blinded by the lights, they see figures emerge from the vehicle and move to the back.
    Behind them, Howard and Bloc casually move up behind Beverly and Leon. Two other agents similarly move up innocently behind Renee and Kelly. All four are nonchalantly holding something behind their backs.
    Blinded by the lights, they can only see four figures moving the shadows.
    The figures emerge dressed as paramedics in white. They are wheeling four stretchers toward them.
    Jessica’s Nurse is among them.
    As she gets closer, Beverly sees her face and remembers.
    Flashback to two days earlier.
    Jessica is turning away. Behind her Jessica’s nurse is clearly visible.
    A look of recognition flashes across Beverly’s face.
    I remem...
    Agent Howard grabs her and covers her nose and mouth with a large wad of cotton. Chloroform. She cries out in complete and total surprise
    Bloc and the other two agents immediately grab Leon, Renee, and Kelly. They too are taken by surprise as similar cotton wads are clamped tightly over their noses and mouths as well.
    Instinctively, the kids reach up to grab the hands holding the cotton.
    Other agents quickly rush forward to seize their arms.
    AGENT 3
    Hold their arms.
    Don’t let them touch their belts.
    The “Medics’ rush up and grab their legs.
    Struggling fiercely, the kids are lifted and placed on the stretchers, their struggles beginning to weaken as the chloroform takes effect.
    Not so tough without those fancy force fields.
    Relax. It’s just a little chloroform to make you sleep.
    Yeah, it’s your kid’s bed time.
    The kids struggles slow further and then stop. After a few seconds, the cotton is removed from their faces. They’re out.
    Jessica’s Nurse stands up holding Renee’s Belt while others hold up the belts taken from the other kids.
    You won’t be needing these.
    Howard quickly collects the belts.
    Working quickly they wheel the stretchers back to the rear of the ambulance and begin loading them inside.
    Bloc steps up and clap his hands.
    Men quickly rush up and begin to “strip” the ambulance. The emergency lights are removed and the signage is peeled off.
    In a flash the ambulance is converted to an “Olympic Moving and Storage” moving van.
    Bloc climbs in to passenger seat. He is holding a cell phone to his ear as he looks into the back of the truck.
    The Nurse is injecting something into Kelly’s arm. She removes the hypodermic.
    The syringe is tossed into a metal pan with three other empty syringes
    That sedative should keep them out for about twelve hours.
    (Into phone)
    It’s me. Hook, line, and sinker
    Sleeping like babies.
    As Bloc hangs up, Howard gets behind the wheel. He takes a moment to look back at the kids as he starts the truck.
    Now I know how a stork feels.

    One question I have is should I show the scene as it happens or let the viewers briefly join the rest of the world in believing they died in the explosion. The kids are then shown asleep in the nursery with the actual abduction shown in a flashback when the kids awaken.
  2. Cogito

    Cogito Former Mod, Retired Supporter Contributor

    May 19, 2007
    Likes Received:
    Massachusetts, USA
    You must use the Review Room for this.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page