The Life Thread

In a word lessa, no. Forgiveness is a nice thing, but it's not always possible to forgive, and its not always a good idea. And idolising someone just because they're dead isn't a good thing either. Your mother loved your father despite his faults, fair enough, but that doesn't mean she should pretend those faults away. Particularly not when it destroys your relationship with her.

 

What Banzai said! You are not a horrible person. From what I have seen, the advice you have given, the laughs you have given point to a wonderful mother and a kind person in general.

Perhaps a quick call to your mother. But generally, it will be up to you, in the end and how you are feeling tomorrow. Unfortunatly, there are some things that cannot be forgiven or forgotten. The past makes you who you are today. You could also possibly call your mother on the third instead.

Just don't forget that you are a nice person- quite a few people here would support that.

 

Lessa it does not make you a bad person what so ever. You were a victim and you managed to escape violence so that makes you are very strong and courageous person.
Violence of any kind is hard to break free from and to cope with. It alwys sticks in the back of your mind throughout the rest of your life.

I am very sorry that you had to go through such an ordeal in your life, but it does show in your personality now. You have become such a wonderful lady in the experience that I have had in conversing with you.

I know that having a father that isn't there for you is hard. And them down you and never be proud makes things very difficult. But to be honest Lessa I don't think Domoviye agrees that you are a bad mother at all. Plus the way he has turned out makes me believe that you are a most wonderful mother that is for sure.

Sometimes we have to do things for ourselves and be selfish but in this case I would not contact her on that day if she wasn't going to believe or accept the faults that he had back then.

You are a wonderful person lessa, very kind and thoughtful. The fact that you phoned her already should show enough respect and kindness.

I hope that this helps in some small way anyways.

Don't ever put yourself down my friend. If people don't like you the way you are or have problems with things you do and don't do in life it is their problem and not yours.

I would most probably be the same in your situation though.

 

Thank you so much.
I never feel good after talking to my family. And I always feel good when I come here.
So guess who I appreciate the most.
It is just strange this year since my baby sister she is 45 lost her husband the same day my dad died just 4 hours later at the same hospital. I never knew him as we only met 4 times. But my mom and my baby sister became widows the same day. Both health related.
So it is a strange day for me.
But thanks to being here I feel much better.

 

that sounds like it would be a very strange day and hard for your family as well.

I am glad that you are able to feel better by coming online here lessa.
You are a lovely lady and deserve too be happy and smiling

 

Lessa, your feelings are what they are. You are a good person, and the fact that you feel doubtful and confused by what you feel only underscores that.

As for forgiveness, that is not for anyone but yourself. Forgiveness does not mean letting people know that everything that happened was ok, when you know it was not. Forgiveness is a gift to yourself. It means you have worked through how the past has impacted on you, and you're setting it aside rather than railing against something you cannot rewrite. It's letting go and moving ahead. It does not mean all is forgotten! It means you have taken the lessons from it you need for the future, and will no longer let what happened before dominate your daily life from this moment forward.

Peace and strength, lessa.

 

This question is the exact same thing my mam asked me the other day, is she a bad daughter. The obvious answer is no, Lessa, of course you aren't. My mother went rhgouh a smilar thing, she was abused by her father and neglected by her mother. she moved out at 17 and never spoke to them for years until my granddad was diagnosed with ternimal cancer. then she went round to see him and ignored all of the crap. When he died she has still kept in contact with her mother but all she gets from the family is crap and it hurts her. I don't understand why she bothers.

If you feel like you should phone you mther Lessa, then do so. But do not feel pressured into phoning her as the rest of the family think you should. you have the option to be the bigger person here, and ignore everything your mother might have done wrong and help her in her time of need. Or you can just leave it, your life was easier when it wasn't invloving either of them by the sound of things and it will save you from getting hurt.

Only you can make this desicion, but remeber, whatever you choose, it does not make you a bad daughter or person.

Heather xoxoxox

 

thank you so very much. I really needed to hear this.
I was just talking to Don and said that this has been the most peaceful year that I remember. No problem with answering the phone to hear my dad come on and rant at me when he didn't even remember my name for the two years before he died he went down hill the results of curing his skin cancer. He lost his memory so he stayed home a lot and would call whenever he was lonely. Hard to hang up on him when I knew how sick he was.
But none of that for the year so I guess I have finally put him out of my hair.
Thank you all for being so sweet to me.

 

Well finally Im getting settled in my new home. Though sometimes I do miss the life I had. But as they say life moves on and the past is the past.

 

My life seems to have no direction lately. I'm not quite sure what it is that I'm doing anymore. College, most friendships, my job as a reporter, writing, all of it just seems to be floating along next to me in some kind of ocean, but there's no way to swim back to shore. Dry land seems so far away. I just don't know.

 

Thats just what I'm going through now. I miss the career I had I miss other things and its sometimes difficult adjusting to a new life style.

 

What did you do before?

 

British Army, Paratroop

 

How long were you in?

 

a long time.

 

Changes in life and lifestyle takes some time to feel real.
I have had so many changes in my life and the thing that kept me focused were my children and my husband.
Had to stay sane for the children and had to keep my husband content with all the new conditions at work.
I still feel like the anchor for all of them.

 

I know that feeling. I have the foru children and my lovely Wife Lily. Lily and the kids are the main reason for all the change, without them life would be dull indeed.
She's certaily been a rock for me.

 

Raven I love to hear that. So many people miss out on that type of marriage.
Don is my rock and I am his soft spot.
nobody sees that he needs that soft spot to stay focused.
Your wife is a lucky lady.

 

No I'm the lucky one. She has stuck with me through my career when many wifes left because the life was so demanding.

My kids are also a big part of my life especially my daughter Serenity.

 

Hmm, a few pages earlier didn't you say "My husband is a bum who will never amount to anything. "?

 

Ebow I would never say that about Don.
My father would and did and that is who I was talking about.
Don is a wonderful husband and father who I wouldn't want to live without.

 

Well today I've spent the best part writing new songs with my acoustic guitar a few of us have decided to start recording this material.

I've posted my latest two numbers in the lyrics (She's Lonely and Always For You)

We're hoping to do about ten tracks and have even decided to call ourselves Raven. Since I sing and play the acoustic and write. My good friend pianist will be doing the blog so I'll let you know more as it pops up but the blog will feature four of our songs and a cover of Sarah Mclachlans song Answer.

 

looking forward to that.
such a talented man.

 

We've done a recording of the first song She's Lonely and it sounds pretty darned fine though I do say so myself.

 

Well, for the first time in my life I feel like I've been officially screwed over. My college has instituted a new program to merge the CIS and CSC departments to save money so students can pay a little less tuition. Sounds good right. Guess what its not.

The claimed "merging" of departments is acutally the removal of the schools Computer Science Departement and the reallocation of all its resources and personnel into the Information Systems Department. What does that mean? Computer Programming and software developement has essentially been removed from the curriculum (They even removed AI Programming and Assembly Language, the *Insert Curse*).

What this means for me is that I have to change schools to get the degree I want because the courses I need ar eno longer in existence where I'm at. I don't even understand why all but the most redundant programming classes were removed. Why you would ever teach someone how to operate a computer network without teaching them the programming said network is built off of is beyond me. I feel really depressed now folks, and I'm hard to depress these days .