The Life Thread

That sounds a little messed up DOZ. I don't really see why any child should be deprived access to their parents (unless of course the parent poses a danger to the child). And using a child as a weapon against an ex is disgusting.

 

It's not really her past... It's mine. I messed up...a lot. Unfortunately, the bad stuff I did involved my father/her husband. Complicated to explain. So she can't forgive me for me. I'm like...the other woman in her eyes.

 

I'm sorry, but that is absurd. She is blaming the wrong person.

 

Unfortunately for children people do not always think rationally.
Parents blame the kids for lots of their problems. Fathers think they have been trapped into marriage if the woman gets pregnant.
Mother's blame the kids if the father gets angry that she is spending too much time with them.
People like to blame others for their own short comings. And they never take it out on someone who can defend themselves or fight back so it is usually the kids who get the blows. Whether physical or mental.
The only thing the child can do is to become stronger and vow to never do to their own children what was done to them.
That way the cycle ends.

 

That's more or less the vicious circle that happens in my family, my dad blames my mom and then she blames me. Fortunately I'm old enough to know when something is not my fault and she's just bitching at me.

 

Ha! that's why I prefer arranged marriages........at least the guys know what they are getting into and who they're getting into it with. Oh! I don't care whether the person I marry is a virgin or not, I'd prefer to be one,....at least I'd know that no one can blame me for anything that happens after marriage.

 

A few years back my mom was driving us down a highway on a very long trip, and I asked her why she'd chosen to have kids, and for the effort I discovered that my brother and I were both accidents. She said they'd used protection, but that it hadn't worked and they'd decided to keep us. Thinking it over now, I guess that still doesn't make it planned parenthood.
...Snap.

 

that's what I'm always wondering........how can parents ever call their children "accidents"?? agar aana nahi hota toh bachche waise bhi bhi nahi aate, kuch toh God chahate hi hongi, tabhi "protection" ke saath be kids paida ho jaate hain.

 

Both of my sons were planned they just came a few years early.
Best laid plans of mice and men.
Even with planning your life you can't be machines and have it turn out the way you want it to just by wishing and planning.
Life sort of takes control and your plans go out the window.
Some people are strong enough to go with the flow while others fight it tooth and nail.

 

The need to reproduce is something I can't comprehend. An article I read a few years back said that men need children in order to achieve some measure of immortality. But in my opinion, each generation has its own life and it's own legacy. So the need remains a mystery to me.

 

point to be noted, me lord...

 

Actually the need to reproduce is quite true. In the beginning it was so the clan would live and stay strong. If not enough children were born then the clan would die out because most people did not live to adult hood.
Men still have the strong instinct to have children boys more than girls since the boys were needed to help with the hunting.
Girls were needed to raise the children and do the cooking and gathering of food.
The genes and instincts are still in us but the need is not there so society is setting different rules.
We don't hunt and gather food any more. We simply go to the store.
There is not the need for large farm families so the crops can be sown and harvested.
Big machines do that for us now.
Lots of women still want to nurture children but even that is changing.
There are no hard and fast rules any more, so people start out with one rule usually placed there by their parents but as their life changes so do the rules they follow.
Maybe in 3 generations things will be starting to settle down into a new norm.

 

You have some lucid observations. Maybe it's a sign we're hitting a population ceiling. Also, it certainly makes sense, because my dad saved a heck of a lot of money by making my brother and I do manual labor when we were kids.

 

hell, I feel nice hearing stories about foriegn teenagers that my parents would be there for me until I'm off married. Or something like that. I'll never need to get about roaming in the market for job or anything. Just concentrate on my studies, with everything I want paid. That's a huge load off, and sometimes I wonder where I went right to get this lucky.

 

I think what you see as luck is a lot to do with the culture.

I am in Canada and was raised here.
Don and I will always be there for our children even though they are now 31 and 27 and living on their own.
They had jobs and went to college and university but we were there for them if they needed us. Not only financially but emotionally.
If we hadn't let them get a job when they were still at home they would have gone out into the world with no experience to put on their resumes. Even though they had good educations they had no experience.
I have had friends from China Japan India Lebanon and Iraq and the women think Canadian mothers are horrible mothers because we give the children so much freedom.
My attitude is you have to give children freedom. Not just in some things but in all things age appropriate.
One thing society has taken away from people, children mostly is the right to fail.
Even in school you do not fail a grade you are sent back or put into special classes.
sports you never lose you just didn't win.
Give a child no challenges and they will not grow.
Give them a task a bit beyond their skills and you would be amazed at what they can accomplish.

 

LOL/....my Mom would have a fit if she came to know I as much spoke to a guy she didn't know,....much less date......she didn't know Sarthak and me were ore then just friends though she did now him.......I guess that tells you how uch freedom at least Indian women are ready to give to their children...lol.......jokes apart,yeah, even though there's still a part of society who feels that children should be tightly bound until they've established hemselves, but most parents my included, would give me freedom to do whatever I wanted, however I wanted it. Ant they'd always be there. I know they object to anything I do, but soetimes even I become a little backward, considering........
Sorry for the bore speech......had to explain the current stage of our culture....lol

 

Earlier this week there was a referendum in the town that I am originally from. This referendum didn't pass and as a result, the high school that I went to will be shutting down. The community was against a temporary 3-year tax that would fix budget issues. However, it can be assumed that most didn't inform themselves with all of the facts. Now as a result their tax money supporting the school will being going to other towns and their taxes will increase anyway because of the town lacking a school. This made me depressed and I wrote a story about it. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't release myself through writing. Actually, I'd most likely be drinking if I couldn't.

 

Ow!!! That much be so bad..!! I hope you don't drink though. That'll be totally NOT good. You'll just end up feeling even worse.

 

I don't know if this will really help anyone with anything, but it made me step back and take another look at things. Sometimes life gets you down and you can't make yourself see the things that make it all not so bad. I hope this story helps anyone who reads it see those smaller things that more often than not we fail to see.
A while back, my friend's older brother, Steven, had to have serious wrist surgery. The bones were merging together and if he didn't have some sort of drastic surgery, he wouldn't be able to use his hands again. Long story short, his family pooled their money and had just enough to pay for the surgery. Steven had to spend the next six months in full-arm casts, from fingers to shoulders. Pretty terrible huh?
For the first several weeks after the surgery, Steven was on heavy pain medication. Some nights, the pain was so intense that even the strongest pain killers were not enough to dull the throbbing.
A few weeks into this mess, Steven's family decided they would be nice and take him out to his favorite restaurant. Everyone there ordered their food and when it god to Steven, he ordered some potatoes. The waitress asked him if he would like them baked or mashed. Now, I don't know if it was because of all the pain killers or what, but what Steven did next was really inspiring for me. He looked at the waitress and began crying. His mom asked him what was wrong and he replied with this, "I have a choice?"
So when you think your life is really bad, just step back and take a look at the small but important things you do have that may go overlooked. I hope this helps someone.

 

omg that is really amazing. It is a really horrible but very beautiful story that is for sure. It's amazing sometimes what can bring a person to tears of joy. He sounds like a very amazing guy and it is a most inspiring story.

 

God, that, helped, so, much! Thank you for that Dark, and thanks to Steve too, it finally made me see light.

 

Have you ever felt that no matter how much you try to remedy a situation it just seems to make it worse?

Basically things are guzzling down the gurgler for me. There's an epic problem with money at the moment, my Mother only receives 500 dollars in wealthfare payment each fortnight because she has a disability,this is exacerbated by the fact our rent alone is 400 dollars a fortnight, therefore leaving my family with 100 dollars a fortnight to somehow use to buy food and bills. Of course I've realised how incredibly tight money is and have therefore gone off and applied for my own wealthfare payment, which is about 200 a fortnight and have gone off and gotten myself a job- yet still I am the sole blame for my family's quandary and am constantly lectured as to how beyond irresponsible I am for not taking action sooner even though I’ve been looking for work for three months and have applied three times for the wealthfare payment but was unable to complete it because my Mother hadn't done her tax. On top of this I am stressed because of university, I'm behind in my work because I've missed days because i simply had no money to a) get to uni and b)feed myself while there. On top of this I have no social life, not only can I not afford to go out, but I am obligated to stay home to take care of the house and my Brother, because Mum is too depressed to do anything. Also my best friend is incredibly angry with me at the moment because I've begun speaking to my ex boyfriend- of course there were reasons for my decision to do this- at the moment I'm trying to be a better person and forgive people whom I've fought with in the past, I'm trying to teach myself to let go of grudges and to move on from whatever contempt I have for someone, and to be honest, my ex boyfriend was the number one person whom I had the greatest grudge against, so I just thought to myself, if we could be friends again, maybe I could put my energy into something greater than contempt, therefore I called him up one day and we spoke about our past relationship and forgave each other for our mistakes- although so, however peaceful the reconciliation, I now feel like ive made a grave mistake because my best friend is angry with me and is yet to understand what I'm trying to achieve.
All this crap makes me incredibly depressed, some mornings I just see no point in even waking up. I just want to make everyone happy and more so, keep them happy but I have little idea about what I should do next, I'm doing my best but it doesn't seem to be enough, it usually never is.

 

I was in the same situation to and extent. My parent's have this bad habit of spending beyond their means and them whining when the collector comes knocking. Like yourself, I received the brunt of their frustration with their own incompetence. Now, maybe I'm just heartless, but I got pretty fed up with that. So I moved out and am taking the next Navy boat bound for "The Hell Away From Here", wherever that might take me. Hopefully that will make them realize what a couple of close-minded slugs they are.

 

Eoz I know what it is like to be in the financial difficulty area. My father had a major back operation when I was 5 or 6. He broke a disc in his back and had the area fused or something...I don't remember. My mom worked so hard and so did he and even after this before getting his back fixed, he slaved at work crying like a baby when he came home. I remember hearing him every night...

In the end they both had to leave work, dad had his op and mom had to take care of him. Money was tight for the rest of our lives. It wasn't easy to get by with 4 children, two adults and a billion pets with all the bills, house payments and so forth. But they scraped by.

Now they received about $800 a fortnight and it doesn't go far. I live with them now and I spend a lot of my money on helping them pay bills and so forth. I feel obligated to help them to manage as they kept me alive all these years, supporting me, giving me a roof, a home and love. Ever since I began work I gave them money to help out, even after I moved out of home. I had two jobs at one stage and gave her up to $1000 a month roughly with everything I spent on her, like shopping and bills, and so forth. Now I help where I can. So I know what you are going through with the fanancial side of things.

It can be very hard and I really hope that things ease off for you and your family.

As for your friend, he/she should be more understanding. Just give your friend time and try to explain things and hopefully your friend will understand why you are talking to your ex again. Don't let others run your life and control you. You are your own person and at the end of the day, do what pleases you and not everyone else. You are the most important person and DON'T you forget that.

 

Eoz, financial issues affect every aspect of life, the stress is unrelenting. For your parents to put the blame on you is unconscionable, but it is understandable. You are doing what you can, and you know it, even if they won't see it.

As for your friend, he needs to grow up and lose some of his insecurities, or at least not take them out on you. If he won't see that making your peace with your ex is a positive step on your part that will only improve your current relationship by eliminating one of your stressors, then that is his problem. Don't let him make it yours as well!