The Life Thread

Thank you Frost. It is appreciated. I can only hope that he is doing it for the same reason. But being 3 I just don't know.

You are right, children are funny things.

I really do appreciate your thoughts and opinions on this.

<as for the short story plot...I was thinking the exact same thing >

 

hey...

thanks for this thread ...

well.... i'm feeling down at the moment, i don't know why but i feel like the whole world is against me!!

i had a crush on someguy for a while and i was thinking about him 24/7 and stuff ... anyways somehow i had his email and we chatted he liked me and asked me if im going out with someone (isaid no) and then he said we should think of getting together and i was soooooo happy ( it was like a dream come true) anyways we're together for like 8 months now but theres something that i dont like about him ... he recently (and NOT for the first time) told me that if someone was so perfect for me and i got engaged i should agree but one thing is that i have to tell him first and he said that hes saying that coz he loves me and he also said that (i know im gonna be mad and stuff and my friends will say that i'm crazy for leaving you but if it's ur futur and its good for u then u should go for it)... the reason he's saying that is coz of what happened to him before ... he loved a girl soooo much for 4 years and she left him for another guy and got engaged from the second guy without telling my boyfriend and he got mad and stuff ... he keeps mentioning her every now and then when he gives me advice and he says that he was crazy about her and stuff (it's killing me, it really hurts me)... and he says hes still young to get married (i dont know why he thinks that i wanna get married so badly ) I DONT!!! and i told him and im still young too ... hes sweet and a good listener but the things he does it's just not LOVE .. if he loves someone he'll hold on to her and never let her go ...
and since last week i call him and he doesnt answer .. so i backed off and called him this saturday to check on him and he answered and we had a little chat for a while and then as usual he excused himself. he told me that he knows that im crazy about him and i cant get enough of him and im afraid of him leaving and it's like hes enjoying it *cry* it hurts so much i give him everything and get nothing ... a friend of mine told me to stop calling him for a while and that i should wait until he calls and when he does i should excuse myself the same way he does it and tell him that im busy ...( just to let u know i dont call him every second and bother him , if he doesnt answer from the first *sometimes second* time and once in a day sometimes 2,3,4,5..1 week coz i know he doesnt wanna talk or hes busy, i just don't bother him)
he told me that im one of a kind and that he wished he knew me before ... he also travelled last summer and had a picture with a girl with his head close to hers and he told me about it and i was ok coz its just a picture its not like hes gonna love her but its just when he told me he met a girl i said im sure im prettier than her and he was like *im just kidding* and when i saw the picture i told him dont lie * coz honestly this is the best thing about him that he never lies to me* and he said * i only did that coz i was afraid u were gonna be upset* i dont mind him having pictures with other girls coz he used to do it where ever he goes before he met me and i just cant stop him from doing something he used to do ...
what should i do? help me .. am i too nice??
i have to change my way with him thats for sure ...im aware of that

i also have a question ... can a man love for the second time and more than the first one ? can he love me more than this ? and be crazy on me and cant leave me ever?

thanks xxx

 

Of course a person can love at an equivalent level, maybe even more so, but only if they allow themselves to do so and work to do so. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like he is over what happened previously - he's holding onto the pain, and it's now affecting you. It almost seems that he's making you pay for his loss with your emotions for him. I doubt it's on purpose, but if you've talked to him about how it makes you feel and he hasn't made an effort to change, perhaps you should back off.

Moreover, do not retaliate over the phone, no good will come of it -- you may even feel guilty afterward and try to run back to him when it is not merited, keeping yourself there because of remorse.

 

Adamant's right. Of course a guy can love more a second time. It happened to me. I know it's hard, but you should try not to let past relationships get in the way. If it bothers you, talk to him about it.

 

Yes, but in that case I would look real hard to determine what changed before investing much trust.

 

Thanks all ... i'll try and talk to him and see what happens

and thanks for helping =) really thank u
i guess i have to try and be his friend and listen to his pain and try to solve things out better than sitting and just complaining... hopefully it'll work out... i know he has exams and hes not in the mood for anything so i'll leave it after that...

one thing i dont know how to let him get over the pain, i know he cant forget...
to be honest, sometimes when he talks about his ex i just have this feeling that hes thinking too much about her and maybe he wants her back (and sometimes its not like that at all ) maybe i just have doubts ..

but thanks anyways u guys are great i feel like i can help him, i was thinking about me and didn't think about him...
honesty is the key got it

 

Not sure if you're in college, but if so, try to get him into counseling. It's usually more affordable at universities. I know you want to help, and you can, but he may need the aid of a professional as well -- there could be a lot more to the problem than just that situation.

 

hey you guys, i don't know how to say it.. but i'm really upset tonight, and would love to talk to somebody and get some support....

 

Sure thing. Here? Elsewhere?

 

What's up?

 

well, bluemouth can i PM u? or add your msn addy? or you prefer talking here?

 

I'll add you on MSN now.

 

my heart hurts too bad...

 

yeah im in collage but i dont know if he'll agree, i dont know how to bring the subject to him... like *maybe if u want to get over it completely ..maybe you should get help from a professional and i'll be there with u ?* like that << i dont know, im not really sure he'll like the idea... i'll try

thanks adamant xxxxx

 

You could try for a couples counseling session; it would show your support for him, and he might be more eager to join. I'm currently involved in the process and it can be quite helpful to delve into your own mind.

 

yeah that might work =) thank u
i'll try to convince him to go and we'll try it but first i'll talk to him after his exams
thank u, ur a really great guy

thanks xxxxx

 

Haha... thanks. Hope everything turns out for the best.

 

This site could one day become a part-time writing forum, part-time relationship advice forum.

 

Oh please, no one here writes.

 

That had me laughing.

 

lol thanks really ... yeah well i feel better now, it really helped

i'll tell u about it when i talk to him and hopefully solve somethings ... erm, if u want to, ofcourse ?

but really if u were here i would've hugged u and everyone who have helped... u guys r sweet thanks a lot, hope i can help u when u need it

thanks xxx

 

This is what our little community is all about. May not have a myriad of people, but our core members actually care about stuff around here. Guess it's why I've been here almost a year now.

You can tell me about what happens if you'd like - and maybe send e-hugs?

 

it's a great community im happy i found this site

i would love to tell u ... when it happens...

ok i'll send ya an e-hug * Eva Hugs adamant* oops sorry i squeezed u and now u cant breath and ur face turned blue!! hehe << this is my thank yous

 

Okay, I know he may be suffering and in need of counselling but from what you have said and from what I have taken from this, this guy is supposed to be your boyfriend and in love with you. This may come harshly but I wouldn't call him back at all! He's constantly mentioning his previous girlfriend/s and keeping photo's with him? If I was in that position, I would say look, that is in the past. I know it hurt and I know that you went through a terrible time but You're with ME. My boyfriend had a bitch of an ex-girlfriend. Stole his stuff and everything and he mentions her everynow and then about what she did to him and it got to the stage where I told him I am NOT her and this is in the past. I am your future. So I know roughly what it's like to have a boyfriend mention his ex-girlfriend. I know thats where the similarities pretty much end but I would advise you to get yourself back on your feet and find a guy that actually cares for you.

If you wish to stay with your boyfriend, then I agree with adamant about counselling. He needs to get over this hurt.


he recently (and NOT for the first time) told me that if someone was so perfect for me and i got engaged i should agree
This threw me, he shuold be the one perfect for you and asking you for marriage! He's insecure in his own self esteme and his relationship with you. He needs help mate. And I know it sucks but I would seriously re-think this relationship until he gets himself help because the way he's treating you is not on.

And on the second love thing: Sure! Why not? Maybe not more than his first love but I believe that everytime you find a new partner the love changes. It may be more but I would think that it's a different kind of love. I've asked my boyfriend about this and he said that he feels a different kind of love with me than anyone else, he's never felt it before so I believe that people can love twice, just differently!

So that would be my advice. Sorry if it was harsh but I hope it helped or gave you something to think about.

I wish you the best with this and please let us know how it turns out!

~Doz.

 

hey Doz
thanks for ur advice, its true and i thought about ending all of this but everytime i try to ican't something stops me, i dont know why but i just don't feel like its the right thing ... and sometimes when hes a jerk i just think like, ok i really SHOULD leave him because i know i dont have to put myself through all of this and i dont have to suffer but like i said i REALLY can't leave that guy...
he mentions her(ex- girlfriend ) but theres no photos or anything... just for the record she's his first love and they loved each other since they we're 14 and it ended when he was 18... it's now 2 years since they broke up...
if he remains like that and if he's not willing to change then i'm gonna tell him that its over ...
u know what sometimes i feel like he wants me to say something (because i dont argue with him, i just talk nicely and stuff ) its like he wants me to do or say something bad so he can end it all (i'm not sure, im just assuming)
and one time he told me that we can keep go out together and have fun or i could leave if i want to <<< that reaaaaaaaaaaally hurts ... hes unbelievable, i was stunned and i didnt know what to say... when im with him its kinda different he tells me he loves me and stuff and hugs me and kisses me alot, hes just weird most of the time, sometimes i just think to my self * why do i love him?* i mean sometimes its like he doesnt care about me or my feelings but i know hes just pretending to be careless coz when im tired and he hears my voice.. he asks me and hes a really good listener and stuff, its like u said (He's insecure in his own self esteme and his relationship with me) i'll try counselling if it doesnt work then that's it for me, i dont know what else i can do, its like hes pushing me away when i try to get closer to him ... the truth is i love him dearly and i know he loves me too but i dont feel it ..

i'll tell u how it turns out ( hopefully good) ... no it's harsh coz ur only saying the truth (thruth hurts!! lol)u really helped and sure gave me something to think about and thanks for answering my 2nd question

thanks for ur advice its amazing.. thanks thats so sweet of u (ur sweet )
xxxxxx