The Life Thread

No probs. I do hope that it all works out for you.

 

Thanks, me too *fingers crossed*

 

I have a problem with one of my friends. He hangs on to me for my money, nothing else. How can i prevent him from doing so except from refusing him straightforward and embarrasing him in front of the public?

 

"Gee, I'm a bit short at the moment..."

 

Aw, don't joke, Cogito. Honestly, tell me what to do?

 

That was the suggestion. It's a way to let the friend know that you aren't a 24-hour ATM for his exclusive use, that taking your money means that you end up doing without.

Generosity is one thing, but being used is another. Maybe he could benefit from a bit of embarassment.

 

Great idea. I'm all set for school tomorrow.

 

Ok I have a little problem at the moment and not sure if this is the right area for it but some advice on this situation would be very greatly appreciated right about now.

Over the last two weeks I have been away getting my life sorted out basically. Which I mostly have. But in that time I have lost a very dear friend to cancer and now I am trying to help his girlfriend to come to terms with it all.

The thing that is really troubling me is that before he passed she told him she was pregnant to him and he told her he didn't want the baby and never wanted to be a father at all and so they hadn't spoken at all for a week before he passed on and she had booked herself in for a termination of the baby when she didn't want to in the first place.

But the thing is that she is she wants to keep the baby, being her first and she is happy about being pregnant. She is 24 and has been wanting this for the last year, although her boyfriend never did from the time they got together 4 years ago. So she is very unsure of what to do. She wants the baby but she also doesn't want to go against her boyfriend, even though he has passed away.

I have advised her that it is her decision to make and although he is the father and does have some say (did have) in a sense, the one that has to carry the child and live witht he decision that is made is her and that she would regret it for the rest of her life if she did it for someone else and not for herself without good reason to do so.

There is no medical reason for her to terminate at all, she has made that quite clear. I just want to know what more I can say to her to help her out in this time of greatly needed advice. I am really lost here and don't want to see my friend go through this and I really need some advice to give to her.

If anyone has any advice that they can give me as to what to say to her by Monday I would be forever in your debt...

Thank you kindly
Torana

 

As you rightly said, Torana, it's her choice to make. If she wants to keep the baby, then she should keep it. Her boyfriend's dead ( sorry for the straightforwardness); now it's all up to her to raise the baby. As fopr going against her boyfriend's wishes, tell her to go according to her own wish and to think about herself.
Hope this helps...

 

He probably was afraid of the responsibility of raising a child. It's a huge commitment.

But the situation i different now. The burden is not his to bear. The choice now rests solely upon her. And this child is her boyfriend's last legacy.

 

THank you both. I just hope she makes the right decision for herself and the child she carries. Your comments really do help out. THank you both.

 

Torana, I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. Must have been a very hard time for you.
As for your friend.Ssuggest seeing a counsilor before making any decisions. Maybe hearing it from someone who is outside of the circle will help. Tell her there is no reason to jump into a decision like that before thinking it through, and coming to terms with a few of her issues.
Again, I am sorry you have lost your friend, and send condolenses to his gf, and family

 

I must admit life’s hard at my domain also. My long time girl friend and I have split I have decided I must as the say find myself.

I have found a little out and also bought myself a wireless laptop.

Sometimes things just become rather difficult in life and you find your self struggling through and wondering is it worth it. Well I don't have that answer. I have seen so much pain and so much hurt I have been in places none would choose and I have felt Joy. But isn't that what we all do. I guess so. My world just feels a little dark literally at the moment.

Torana Im sorry to hear about your friend.

 

So sorry it hasn't been a nice time for you at the moment Haunter. I hope you will be okay. I can't really offer advice. But I think it may be worth it, you never know what is around the corner. Sometimes it's bad but you gotta keep an eye out for the good, no matter how much it sucks. I kept a journal. I listened to music. Music with good lyrics that you can understand. Maybe that can help. All I can offer you is a great big bear hug and some hope that everythign will be right for you in the end.

 

I really hope so DoZ.

I guess I'm not used to been lost in myself. I feel some of the past may be catching up to me.

 

It always does unfortunatly. And people wonder why i'm such a worry wart!?

But I give you my best wishes. It's not that people lose their way, it's just that they have found another path off the track. You're not lost, just exploring. I had to do the same thing. Perhaps not exactly the same, but close enough.

 

Worrying doesn't help.

Things work out, or they don't. Either way, you have yourself at the core. You just do what you can.

You might even amaze yourself.

 

wordwizard thank you kindly. She has made the decision to keep to the baby which is wonderful. His family are going to support her and so is her own family. She has so much help so she is very lucky. Thank you all your suggestions have definately helped me to get across to her. Thanks.

Haunter I really apprciate your kind words.
Also I am very sorry that things are difficult for you at the moment. I know what it can be like to be at that point in life where you need to do some soul searching. I was really lost once. I hurt a lot of people and it all came crashing down on me three weeks ago now. But now I have come to see a lot that I was doing wrong and I'm better for that. When one door closes another ALWAYS opens. Always ask for help and accept it when it is needed and offerred. Don't do it on your own...

I hope things pick up for you soon.

 

Seconded. No matter how bad things get, they will get better if you give them the chance. Just hang on in there.

 

I only just found this, but feel it's perfect for my situation right now, so I shall rant a little bit -

I'm currently sick with CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) and have been for around 3 years. The symptoms fluctuate and the illness has its ups and downs. When I first got the illness, I stopped school for two years because I was too unwell to go. Managed to go back at the start of this year, but it was still too hard so I've gone back to distance education.

Unfortunately I'm going through a bad spell and have been for a few months, so I'm finding it hard to even get my distance ed work done. I'm in year 12, in the final lap now, but am having doubts about being able to finish next year. I'm already falling behind in my work and while it doesn't matter this year, it will next year when the HSC course actually starts.

The stress of school makes my symptoms worse, so while one option is to stop school and finish it when I'm more able to, I just want it to be over and done with and I don't want to have it hanging over my head for however many years I have to wait until I feel a little better. Another option is to do the HSC over 2 years, but even then I'm worried about struggling and again, I just want it to be over and done with.

Right now I honestly don't know what to do with myself...due to the illness, I'm rarely able to get out of the house, I don't see friends much - don't even want to see them, to be honest - don't have a job and can't really participate in any recreational activities. School is really the only obligation in my life, it's the only thing that I have to do each day - I don't have a job to go to, I don't have friends I need to see, I don't have sports on weekends - and I feel that if I stop school, I'll literally have nothing to do. I'm already so bored and frustrated at being at home so much, doing the same things over and over, worrying and stressing over all the same issues, I really don't need more spare time.

I just feel so frustrated because I literally don't know what to do with myself. I have one main goal that I want to achieve, but can't without finishing year 12. I'd love to have some hobbies outside the home, but my illness doesn't allow it. If I stopped year 12 for a while, I could do some different courses, maybe in photography or animal care, but don't know if I'd even manage them.

I'm really at my wit's end because I want to be doing so many things but I'm unable to. There are so many things I want to pursue but I'm just not well enough to. I feel very miserable about my life in general right now and really don't know what to do about it. I also feel very isolated because, while I do have support from a lot of people, very few of them understand how I feel or what I experience and most of them can't really help when I'm dealing with either physical or psychological problems caused by the illness. I don't expect people to understand it, it's not their problem to deal with, but it is difficult being around so many people who have totally different goals and issues to me.

It's such a frustrating situation to be in - I feel so trapped by the illness and while some good things have come from it, it really has ruined a lot of the plans I had made for myself. I know there are other options I could pursue and different ways of going about things, but I just want to be free - free from the stress of school and from the stress of the illness.

I'm finding it so hard to think about everything and come up with a solution because my mind is usually very clouded, due partly to the illness but also because I can never stop thinking or worrying about the problems I'm facing. I'm really hoping the up-coming holidays might allow me to make some decisions or at least relieve me from some stress for a little while.

I really do have a fortunate life, it's just this illness that has really shaken it up.

Anyway, I think that's enough rambling for now.

I don't expect anyone to have any solutions or suggestions, but it felt really good getting that all out and writing it all down :redface:

Edited to add: Torana, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, cancer is such an awful and destructive force

NH, I'm very sorry to hear about your break-up, I hope you're able to feel a little better soon.

 

You're right, I don't have any suggestions. I have heard of CFS, but really don't know much about it. It does sound very discouraging and debilitating.

The least I can do is let you know I'm listening, and will continue to do so.

I hope you have longer and more frequent times that the symptoms abate.

 

Thanks, Cogito I really do appreciate comments like yours.

 

haunter go around and give the lass some respect she'll take you back she always does. Just give her some time. She's never strayed.

 

ILTBY I am so sorry to hear you have this horrible disease.
I have lived with it for 30 years. I also have fibromyalgia which is similar but different at the same time.
My husband and my two sons have never known me healthy but it is manageable. I graduated college just before I became ill with CFS. I was pregnant with my first son and got the flu it never left.
I got worse when I was pregnant with Dom. Somedays it was only knowing they needed me that I could force myself to continue.
They say God never gives you more than you can handle but I think that is a load of crap. There are many things you can't handle but this is one that you can, with support and friends.
I don't know how old you are but this disease takes anyone. Please pm me if you have any questions on coping or you just want to vent. I will be here to listen. You may not get sympathy but you will get empathy and encouragement.
You will graduate I am sure of that.

 

I know someone with CFS, ILTBY, and I know how restricting it can be. He's having to ease his way back into education. I don't really have any advice to give, except don't give up. So long as you keep fighting, you'll get through it. I wish I could give some better advice.