Hi, I would like to write a male character who is a bit of a daydreamer. What are some common (non-sexual) fantasies that guys have? Do you see yourselves as rockstars...casanovas...what? I'm pretty clueless about the male mind so any insight will be extremely helpful.
There is no "male mind" or "female mind." There are individuals. Listen to conversations. Look to see what magazines you see guys reading, or what you see them doodle while they are bored. Be a peoplewatcher.
I'm not a mind reader but I'd hazard a guess, from the scribbled notes he carries around, that my husband spends more time dreaming about work projects that are going to make him a millionaire than anything (yes, anything) else. But then he is a fantasizing, mildly bi-polar workaholic who's earned--and lost--a fortune in the past... He also spends more time than is healthy thinking about football (the type played everywhere except the USA, I mean).
My mind is constantly filled with the story I'm trying to finish. Characters, rough concepts, themes, magic ideas, cultural quirks. Also, video games. It depends primarily on the person's interests, and what they're doing right now, and how intelligent they are, and whether they are any good at organizing their thoughts. As to how I see myself, I don't tend to. I don't think much about who I am, I'm too busy with the story I'm trying to piece together.
Thanks for the input everyone! I'm writing my character as an introvert, but I'm really struggling to get inside the head of an introverted male. So far I haven't found anyone (fitting that description) who's willing to express his common thoughts and daydreams to me. I suppose that's the nature of an introvert, but it makes writing a convincing one very difficult.
Unless you're aiming for a stereotypical "I am man" sort of character (and I don't suppose you are, since that sort of character isn't generally a daydreamer), don't ask how guys think. Ask how people think. We're not another species, so our thought patterns aren't going to be totally alien to you. You may come across a guy whose mind works completely different from yours, but I'm sure you've also seen your fair share of girls who are like that, too. Don't focus on the difference between genders, because ultimately, in my experience, it doesn't amount to much. Focus on the differences between people. If you have a character in mind, you must have some idea of what goes through his head. Embellish on that. But as for me personally, I usually find myself thinking about my ideal future. Living in a cabin in the forest at the foot of a mountain, totally isolated from the modern world, without so much as electricity. The only "civilized" item I might have would be pencils and paper, lots of them... More frequently, I just imagine daily events, how they might go differently if, say, a horde of zombies suddenly burst through the door... That's usually for boring events. Honestly, half the time, I don't even bother to make note of my own daydreams. Ultimately, your character is your own creation. He is the way you shape him to be. Feel free to use real people as examples, but don't take them too seriously. We probably haven't had the same events shaping us growing up as your character did, and even if we did, we would all turn out differently. So make him the way your gut says he should be, and don't invest too much effort in making him reflect reality. You'll just frustrate yourself.
As a former introvert (rough high school years), I can speak from experience. My daydreams / fantasies were: "Get the girl" (in a non-sexual way, but as in have a relationship or as a way to upstage the popular guys). "Be a hero figure" (save the day, be a super hero, great explorer, etc.). "Acheive greatness" (be the best at a myriad of things). Other than sexual, that's all I can think of (well over thirty years since I've been there).
I'm a dangerous man. I get wild eyes that shine into poeples minds, and I look like the devil. In fact I'm him. I'm a really sweet kid though, and I think all day and all night. I smoke copius amounts of marijuana, and have recently acquired the power of drinking beers. I imagine strategic war games which are hidden in my thoughts about the fate of our world, and consider myself a brilliant tactician even though the most recent thing that has nearly brought me close to my end I managed to avert, which was sparked by my girlfriends clever trickiness. No, nevermind. I don't talk about that. Some things I just don't talk about. I have a cat whose name is Wendy. I enslaved her and seperated her from her brother. I wish I could let her free, but the people in my town don't understand, and they wouldn't let her come back home. UM I've said way too much, it could bring an end to my secrecy as a person. My favorite album is Masters of REality, I just think of most of the bands who got something right Black Sabbath really hit right where I am. Even though they're still lame noobs, but who isn't? Even Hotel of California its like, why are they singing still? So thats why I study music to make it myself. Sometimes people just forget what they're sayin', I like to remind them. I don't have a car. I just walk everywhere, but I mostly stay inside. I use my computer, because it is the most powerful tool I have. I have a piano, a guitar, a violin, and some other flutes and gay stuff around. I have a pipe I bought from Rich's Cigar shop, heheh, I use it to smoke weed. My whole life I've been searching for the perfect girlfriend for me, and I've been living in the same building as her for a year. We used to avoid each other, because we seriously didn't want us to see each other, because we were so ashamed of ourselves and each other. But now we're seeing each other on the street, the internet and in grocery stores and with our friends (and family) and we're pretty much super heroes, as far as super heroes go. Since theres so many bums around, I try to make the world a happier place. I'm horribly scared of cars, but I have faith in my self control and know that I will not die here. Cars are still SO FAST. I like fast cars. Nevermind. Her names Tiffany and she goes to school. Even though she LIED to me, but to tell the truth in a good way. We both lied, just to make up stories that never existed. Which are actually about ourselves and people believe them but it makes them question what 'it' really is, just because they're confused in the first place. When I was like 11 I was bouncin' on a trampoline and decided I didn't believe in any god. Then when I was 19 I took that back and decided that I am god. And I made some horrible mistakes, but when I done 'em I was sayin' how they really aren't that horrible. And thats probably why my view now is like anything could happen, and it diesn't change the things that make me happy or sad. But really I wished things could had been different. My parents told me a whole bunch of nasty things and then gave up with their own lives. Of course, I was their ownly hope. My hair changed from blonde to black when I was 3. So I think that the male mind has to consider what he has to do to give to his world everything that it needs and wants, and he might clarify a reason why he chooses to live for himself. Thats what my internal conflict is like anyway.
Thank you to everyone who responded! You have given me a lot of useful insight. These are very interesting. Would you mind giving me some "for instances?" What were some ways you fantasized about upstaging the popular guys? I see my character as someone who frequently dreams about "getting the girl," but I'm not certain how guys think in that area.
Ah! Now that you are specific about 'your fantasizing guy', I'll try to answer. I don't think guys go around fantasizing 'about upstaging the popular guys'.... they just want to be the popular guy. Most likely they would fantasize about being the popular guy, say for example the college football captain, who gets all the girls' attentions. As for upstaging, they might try to upstage the popular guy for real when face with such a situation, for example if he somehow lands himself bowling with the popular guy while the girl he likes is watching. Hope this helps.
Wow Azihayya. interesting writing style Echoing the whole gender being a social construct argument, i don't think men day dream about vastly different things than women do, other than the obvious exception, which you've addressed. I'm an introverted male personally, though im proudly not a macho-man type guy. i day dream about writing ideas, things i'm am/not looking forward to, worst-case scenarios, parties, video games, the world ending - whatever my mind wanders into. it really depends on the situation having your character's interests, hobbies and emotional mindset in mind might help. otherwise if you want someone to interview ill oblige, lol
My mind is constantly filled with writing, the future, music, and television/movies. But I am not really a stereotypical guy. lol
I have to agree with FMK. If you ask about what "men" think about, you're going to get stereotypical macho response (beer, women, gambling, being generally ripped). I think you would be better off asking for the thoughts of say, a male daydreamer who .... fill in the blanks. Give us some more details about his character other than he is a male and daydreams. I sometimes daydream during class, as does the fellow next to me, but I bet we aren't thinking the same things.
You're not going to get very far into any exploration of the male mind if you limit him to strictly "non-sexual fantasies". Unless he's like nine years old, it's pretty unrealistic. If you're gearing it toward a young audience where such things would be inappropriate, fine, but know that you're depicting a character with the same real-world anchoring as Mighty Mouse. "Women say they have sexual thoughts too. They have no idea. It's the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing it. If women knew, if they even had the slightest idea of what men were thinking, they'd never stop slapping us." -Larry Miller
Personally I fantasize a lot about saving a person's life. (also all of the above - rockstar, sports star etc) The only other asexual fantasy I have is to land on a desert island where Toblerones grow like trees and where it rains sausage rolls. I don't fancy my chances with that one though.
I do believe you just called me a nine-year-old. Add ten years to that and you'll have the right number for me. Despite my age, sexual fantasies never get much mileage in my head. Sure, my thoughts wander onto the topic now and then, but they don't stay there very long before something more interesting/important grabs my attention. It will then take hours for me to get my mind back in the gutter. So, if I were a fictional character, I'd say there's at least a 95% chance that the author of my life wouldn't even bother mentioning any of my dirty thoughts, considering how short-lived and infrequent they are. I do wish people would stop trying to say that they know what goes through my head better than I do. If there's one guy out there whose mind isn't constantly occupied with bedroom thoughts, then it's a good bet that there are many others. And if there are many others, then it's not unrealistic to not be concerned with a male character's sexual fantasies, especially if they have nothing to do with the story. Given that, I would appreciate it if you would never utter that first sentence in your post again as long as you live. It's perhaps more unrealistic than what you were arguing against, and on a bad day, it might even be a little offensive.
My life would be so, SO much easier if I were like you, bro. I literally had no idea nineteen year-old guys like you existed who didn't have severe mental or physiological problems. Learn something new every day.
Well, what do you mean by a sexual fantasy? I probably can't go ten minutes without thinking of something sexual, but it lasts for about a second or less and my wandering mind progresses down it's wandering path. On the other hand I could spend 30 minutes just thinking about sex, but it's not like I have to. I do agree with Forkfoot that sexual thoughts are a big part of the male mind, but that doesn't mean we daydream about sex all day long, it just means that when we see an attractive girl, we (or at least I) give a brief mental nod of "wow, she's hot," or "nice butt," or any other body part including non sexual ones like hair, eyes, hands, etc. It means that as I daydream about videogames, I'll give such a mental nod to any attractive female characters that may come across my mind. It means that if a speculative fiction idea has the potential to be used in a sexual way, I will acknowledge it and consider if it is appropriate for my story. For me, and probably a lot of other guys, the sexual parts of our thought process just means that our ideas are easily colored by sex. Of course, thinking and daydreaming are somewhat different things, but as the author, you don't have to give us the character's every thought, and unless it helps characterization or something, you don't have to give us every part of a daydream either. But since the TC wanted non sexual advice. Do you know what your character likes? Most people, regardless of gender, daydream about things they do, or would like to be doing. All you have to do to make it male (assuming he's heterosexual) is to make him be attracted to females, and maybe ramp up the sexuality of it since guys are supposedly more easily distracted by sexual thoughts (I've never been a girl, so I can't compare).
