Hmmmm... something quite scary just happened. I was on my laptop getting ready to edit a story when my brother started shouting my name from the living room. I ran there and he said that he heard someone pull down the backdoor's handle from the outside. I immediately went and lifted a blind to get a view on the door but nobody was there. My immediate thought was that he ran away when he heard my brother's shouts. So, okay, that was a big freak out moment. Did someone really attempt to get inside the house while we were very obviously inside? What were that person's intentions? I stood there for a good five minutes and thought about it. The backdoor is located on an elevated balcony accessible by a few stairs. To get on the balcony, you must also go through a really old green door that makes a lot of noise when you open it and close it. The door was open ajar. According to my brother, he didn't hear that door at all. Apparently he just heard the handle being pulled down. He didn't actually see it. The main problem here is that door. It's a waist-length door so the hypothetical thief could jump over it to avoid the noise. But if it was open ajar, jumping over it would be quite hard. Three possibilities here: Thief ran inside the balcony, attempted to open the backdoor, and ran away immediately after. My brother simply didn't hear the door. The noise was made by our neighbour on the top house and my brother mistook it for the handle. She or her dog tends to make all sorts of noises. In fact, she's making noises right now. It was a cat. We're in a rural area and there's lots of them going to the balcony constantly. We have a particular one who can't keep her balance and falls down every two steps... often against the balcony windows and doors. She visits every day because we feed her. My brother lied about it! He's been trying to convince me to get a self-defence weapon (a bat or something like that because guns are banned) for months. It's not bad advice but it's rather unusual here because these kinds of things are rare. So, maybe this was his ploy to finally convince me. Reason #2 why I think that is because he was suspiciously annoyed when I was standing there for 15 minutes thinking about what just happened. All the while, he was just causally playing video games on the PS5 like nothing happened. The problem with this theory is that it's a little extreme. The whole thing is weird anyway. Assuming someone tried this, 100% knew that we were inside, so why give up so easily? To be clear, people have broken into this house before... twice. But they studied our movements and did it while we were all gone. After all, it's much harder to rob a house with someone in it. You risk all kinds of things too. I'm probably going to swap the lock with a better one now and look into installing a CCTV camera. That's one way to ruin my sense of peace and security. And just when I was finally going to get back to writing, too.
I keep one of these (spoiler because image size) on hand behind a roll of drafting paper for some automotive work. It's never going to be used to hurt someone, more being able to confidently ward off an actor who might even just be drunk or stoned and wandering into the wrong place. Most civic predation is based on who is least likely to cause any fuss. (Except for he US, where actual gunfights break out during break-and-enters. You have to own a firearm in some parts. https://abc7.com/los-angeles-homeowner-fights-back-armed-robbery-home-invasion-ccw/14016199/ But probably not where you are and like you said, not legal anyways). Spoiler: For handling stubborn nuts...
It's not a bad idea, and it's a small investment. Even if something actually happens, once they see the weapon, they're more likely to flee than fight. I live in a very safe place, but you still occasionally read about someone knocking on an apartment door, threatening or tasing the occupant, and running off with their most valuable possessions. They'll get some innocent looking girl to knock, and once you open the door some big dude will rush in. I doubt I'll ever need to use them, even to just scare someone off, but I keep a gladius by my door, and a dagger in my nightstand.
Started jogging again after a long hiatus, got a massive blister on the ball of my foot last night. It will only slow me down, but it's aggravating and painful to walk.
That is weird. You know your brother better than any of us, ps102, so I won't speculate on that. I agree it's a little extreme to suspect him; for all I know, he was playing video games as a defense mechanism against having to think too much about this, and he was annoyed at you because you're his bigger brother (and he wants you to DO something, not just think about it). Sorry! blush* I did say I won't speculate. I'm only guessing. As I said, you know your brother best. As for your thief ... it's strange. Is the back-door locked, and if so, how many locks is it? My door has two locks, one of which can be undone from inside (but from outside, you need a key). That's usually enough to deter would-be thieves. If someone does try to break in ... a self-defence weapon doesn't need to be expensive. Do you have something mundane, made of wood or metal, but long and sturdy? Maybe an umbrella, or a walking stick? A poke in the ribs, or banging it on their foot, would give you enough time to slam the door shut and call the police. The thief wouldn't be seriously hurt, and it's a lot better than letting him break into your house. Of course, I'm not suggesting casual or over-the-top violence, like the movies. Personally, I believe if the situation is clearly dangerous, self-defense should be allowed, as long as guns/pistols are not involved. (Guns up the ante far too much). But I admit, what I believe is irrelevant; Cretan law is what matters. It may be best to talk to the police, and find out what the law says that you're allowed and not allowed to do. Good luck. I hope you manage to figure out what's going on, and keep out the thieves.
Indeed. Hopefully this is the end of it! Just some idiotic thief who doesn't know what he's doing, running away once he realizes his mistake and never coming back. Crete is actually full of guns. There's many more guns here than the rest of Greece. They're still illegal though and you can't just walk in somewhere and get one. The prime minister (who is from Crete) has been wanting to do something about it for a long time now. Curiously, mass gun attacks like school shootings never happen. The most common gun crime is homicide. So, basically someone having a problem with somebody else. They're mostly found in villages nowadays. They're relatively small in numbers in main cities. That's what I was thinking. Install two or three in the three main entrances (back door, main house door, and gate door). Put up a sign and that's likely to scare many people off. Cretan law is Greek law, since Crete is part of Greece. Guns are forbidden unless you have a hunting license. Even then, only certain guns are allowed. This doesn't include handguns and other small types. Thank you! I thought about this a bit more and the conclusion is that the thief was an idiot. If he ran away seconds after he came, he was clearly unprepared—which would be really strange. For now, I'll order a camera just to be sure. The motion detection thing would be immensely useful if there weren't so many wild cats wandering around!
TW: Death, anorexia, and toxic family. - - - - - - - - - - - - Brain's frazzled between pup having surgery on tooth (he's fine now, and in recovery), and grandma apparently having such severe anorexia that she's willfully allowing herself to starve to death -- and her family (barring my dad) lets her. What kills me is that he's having to find out for the first time that his immediate family (barring my mom, myself, and my sister) likely do not give a rat's ass about him. He's trying to save his mom from herself, his brothers and in-laws resist him at every turn, letting her do whatever she wants to her health, despite the fact she now weighs 80 pounds -- and she's a grown elderly woman. . In other words, they're letting her continue her path to self-destruction, and are resisting my dad who is trying to save her from herself. . I just don't know what to say, or what to do.
Hmm. Since you didn't see this thief, maybe it was a stray cat? Most cats I know, if something unfamiliar (including a human) comes their way, will run away. Humans are big, and strange, and smell strange ... you can't blame the cat. Sounds like a good idea. Good luck. Link, I am so sorry. *offers hugs of support* Firstly, I'm glad to hear that your puppy has recovered from surgery. But ... secondly ... what's happening to your grandmother is awful. I think I owe you an apology: I thought you meant that by 'his immediately family', you actually meant 'your mom, yourself, and your sister', but obviously that's not the case. You meant 'his brothers and in-laws'. Obviously both your dad and yourself care a great deal for your grandmother. Kudos to you. My family and I acted as carers for my grandmother when she was in the last stages of her life. Personally, I couldn't live with myself if I didn't. But it's appalling that her other sons and their wives don't. Why does your father need any permission from his brothers or his in-laws? Do they control access to his mother? If so, maybe you can suggest to him to go to the police and ask for their help. It's obvious that, at the very least, his brothers are guilty of neglect. If your grandmother is so ill that she can't feed herself, and her sons and in-laws can't be bothered to help her, then ... I don't know what to say. That's horrible. They are not worthy of her trust, and they shouldn't be allowed to have access to her. I'm sorry; I'm not a lawyer, and I don't know the facts well enough. All I can say is how I personally feel about this. Maybe suggest this to him? You and your family shouldn't be in this position, and your grandmother shouldn't be either. It's obvious you care a great deal for her. Good luck. I hope things turn out for the best.
Here's the thing about home defense, if somebody is willing to enter your house knowing full well there are occupants inside, they are already predisposed to threaten. And if they're prepared to threaten, you have to assume they're prepared to do harm. And they're prepared to do harm you have to assume they're prepared to do lethal harm. A bat, crowbar, or rolling pin probably isn't going to deter that. I'm not saying you need to arm yourself or anything, but people who invade houses don't tend to pussyfoot.
Thanks, bud. (Hugs) frankly, she’s in on it as well. She doesn’t want help despite clear evidence she needs it. Badly. And my dad is the only one who sees this and is trying to get her that help. It’s not like they’re trying to kill her, it’s that they’re aiding and abetting her by letting her do whatever she wants despite what the doctors said she should do. And she has them all coiled up in her hands metaphorically. EDIT: I guess they would be guilty of negligence— because they’re not acting on what’s in her best overall interest, doesn’t matter if they’re not going, “muahahahaha let’s kill mom!” I know it doesn’t excuse what the brothers are doing, but still, it would not surprise me if she has her other sons simply take her home citing nothing is wrong with her. As for access — well, all three can access her and help her, just that one of them is there daily since he lives close by.
This is the operative phrase: she doesn't want help. I am so sorry you're going through this. Little is more devastating that watching a beloved parent or grandparent fade out of life, whether they're willing or not. With the exception of an elderly aunt, I am the oldest person left in my family, which gives me a perspective you might not have considered. Twenty years ago, my mother deliberately chose to not pursue a course that would've extended her life. She was ready to go and said as much. My brother had cat fits about her decision, demanding that she accept treatment and eat properly and exercise, and all the other things the doctors suggested. He pushed her, insisted that she had to fight for her life, called her selfish for not doing so, consulted doctors, lectured her about their recommendations, and impacted her state of mind in a most unpleasant manner. My brother loved our mother very much. He thought he wanted what was best for her, but in fact what he wanted most was to not say good-bye to her. I accepted her decision and wanted her to be as comfortable as possible mentally and physically on her way out. Some family members viewed this as me not caring about her, when actually I cared very much. I cared that she had the life she wanted instead of the extended life I wanted her to have. At her request, I spoke to my brother about the situation, and he gradually came to terms with our mother's wishes. It was very, very hard for him, but his eventual acceptance immeasurably improved the quality of the life she had left. Obviously I know little about your grandmother's situation or the dynamics in your family. Still, speaking as an older person, when I'm ready to go, I hope my family will be kind to me, spend time with me, listen to me when I have something to say, and share whatever is happening in their lives. What I don't want is them trying to keep me moored to the pier when I'm ready to sail. I wish you peace and comfort.
That might very well be what’s happening — she’s ready to go, just going about it the slowest, most painful way possible. For reasons only she knows.
Yeah. :/ All I can think of is that she misses her husband, who died in 2015, and she’s deathly afraid of getting dementia as her age progresses.
And thank you, Catriona, for providing me with a perspective I hadn't considered. I am sorry. *blush* Your guess may be right, Link. Maybe talk to your grandmother and ask her? If you are right, and your grandmother does with to die, there are avenues besides starving herself to death, which is horrible. I wonder whether she has considered 'assisted dying', perhaps? It is an unusual option, of course, and I don't wish to open a Pandora's Box here or start a debate or a flame-war. I'm certainly not saying that it has to be the option for everyone in her position. Nevertheless, it is an option, it exists, and it would be remiss of me not to mention it. Also, I feel that since we are all individuals, and since we may all choose how and where to live, we should also have the choice of how and where to die. It is a highly individual choice, of course, but I have personally seen my own grandmother, suffering from dementia, and when she died, she was nearly obscured by tubes, in a bed at an old folks' home. My parents and I were there to help and comfort her as best we could, but it made me very angry and very sad. Perhaps your grandmother wishes an earlier exit? If so, I don't blame her. That is her choice, and I'd never dream of standing in anyone's way when it comes to something as important as this. So, maybe talk to your dad and talk to your grandmother, and ask her whether she wishes to die, and if so, how she wishes to die. Let her make her own choice, without judgment, without fear, as long as she is able to. And then ... help her, if you can. That's all you can do. The following video may be helpful. Back in 2009, Sir Terry Pratchett, author of the very successful Discworld series, and one of my favourite authors, was diagnosed with Posterior Cortical Atrophy, a rare form of Alzheimer's. I remember that time vividly, because he went public with it and talking publicly about it and about aging, and how we shouldn't fear death. He donated a lot of money to Alzheimer's research and to organisations that helped people to die, and this was seen as hugely helpful but shocking, because back in 2009, not many people discussed Alzheimer's or assisted dying in public before. Sir Terry Pratchett helped change that before he died in 2015. Below is the Richard Dimbleby Lecture, to the Royal College of Physicians, that he delivered in 2010. It is very funny, of course, but also poignant. Even now I cannot watch it without shedding a few tears. Sir Terry was a genuinely talented man, and it is a pity he died so young. Watch it, and ask yourself: your grandmother is very precious to you, I'm sure. Can you deny her the chance to speak her own mind? This is a difficult decision, I know, so I'm sorry I cannot advise you there. Maybe the best thing to do, as I said, is talk to your dad and to your grandmother. Good luck!
I'll bring it up next time I see him, and if he's in the mood to talk about it. It's possible she did talk about it with her other two sons, and they just...never bothered to talk to my dad about it because of personal family issues/estrangement. I dunno, it's all messed up. And I'm only sharing the bare-bone surface level of how messed up his side of the family is. You could literally write a book about it and come no closer to understanding the 'why' of it.
@Link the Writer years ago, my healthy and active grandpa had his 3rd stroke. this one was a major one. he went from running marathons and 10ks yearly and giving sermons and lectures (he was a reverend and a PhD) to losing his ability to walk and talk. He only has limited function in one of his arms and he was able to use one of his legs. whenever the orderlies would come in to feed him, my grandpa would kick them (so they strapped his leg down). He refused to eat, so they put a feeding tube down his throat. he pulled out the feeding tube, so they strapped his arm down. he was completely immobilized and he'd cry silently. he didn't want to live anymore. My dad advocated to end his life. he said that my grandpa didn't want to live like this. he wasn't going to get better, and that my grandpa was trying to tell them that he was done but no one was listening to him. it caused a huge physical fight between my dad and his brothers to which security had to escort both of them out, because my dad's siblings didn't want to let their dad go despite him being miserable and depressed and basically being forced to live. it was horrible. my grandpa eventually passed away. My grandpa didn't have a will or any verbal or written wishes. My grandmother wasn't comfortable making medical decisions (she wasn't comfortable doing anything on her own because my grandpa did everything for her. she didn't even know to call 911 when he had his stroke) after that, my parents sat me and my siblings down and said that they never want us to go through that with them, and they told us their wishes should they ever be in that situation. Does your grandmother have any written wishes? a will? does she have a medical power of attorney? if not, you should probably talk to her and get all of that sorted so that if she is hospitalized and she really doesn't want to live anymore, then you have her wishes written down.
