The not happy thread

Warning. Self-indulgent rant. Ignore. Ignore.

Spoiler

My chest hurts. I think I've had too many energy drinks. My mind is annoying me. I hate that I've convinced myself so many irrational things. That I've convinced myself that I've sorted out my abnormal relationship with food when really all I've done is limit the amount of times I come into contact with it.

Yeah, I'm not eating till I want to throw up, then deciding not to eat for four days to make up for it, but why? Because there's not enough food around to do that. I need to stop being so god-damn stubborn and ask for help. I know I need it. I know that feeling like this isn't right. I know that I shouldn't be happy at the thought that I might die. I know that I shouldn't want that. But I do. I do. I do. I want to just go to sleep and never wake up. I want all this to be gone.

But I don't want to upset people. I don't want to make my family feel they way they make me feel. I know they'd be upset, even if they do treat me like **** in a weird way they do care. I know they do. I hope they do. I wish they did.

I wish someone would just fix me. Or tell me how to fix myself. I don't want to be like this. I don't. I want to be happy, hopeful, carefree. But I don't know how. I don't know how to be happy.

I just want to feel better.

I hate December.

 

Energy drinks are bad news if you drink too many. I used to do that, it wasn't fun.

And don't worry about upsetting people...you need to talk to someone.

 

@ LadyLazurus
OMG! That's horrible. Go talk to someone, like us. We're here for you.

 

It has just taken me five and a half hours to travel about 80 miles, thanks to the awful traffic and heavy snowfall. I'm cold, hungry and tired. And my day is gone

 

^ It taken me the same amount of time to find a pack of scampy. I feel your pain.

 

Oh, the Christmas season......

 

I've figured it out - I'm 'the bad kind' of wierd.

 

I’ve just received my first rejection from an agent. That actually made me happy. At least it was better than cold silence. However, I only got a card in my SASE that was printed out for just any reject – without a name or anything.

 

Hey, I know that feeling. well, minus the drinks, I would always have vodka myself. . .

You want to feel better? get away from your family, you may even need to get away from your usual friends, make somew new ones. Find a place, like, somewhere you can do an activity and meet people, new nice shiny people and do that activity and make it a new part fo your life. Newness helps I promise. find some activity shop or I dunno, I live in a small town so I don't really know what to call any of that stuff. I know when I need extra time away from my family and friends, I get involved with crap at church. nothing serious, just help one of the ladies cook downstairs, watch a baby, help clean. Sometimes i sit in on their drama practices and stuff.

Just break free and meet poeple and get your mind off of whats happening, if you busy yourself, you do tend to forget your problems, and if you open your mind you may think of a way to help yourself, or meet someone who can.

 

Thanks for the advice/support, guys. It means more than you can believe.

 

Untrue.

That really stinks. I'm sorry.

I hope you're doing ok!

 

It feels like a punch to the gut, but maybe it will help my inner muse tonight (sad irony).

 

Unfortunately, that's the way it goes, especially for an unpublished writer submitting to an agent.

 

I'm upset for my Mummy, Nanny and all the family - it was Granddads birthday yesterday, and the first without him. I know that christmas and boxing day (Nan and Granddads Anniversary) will be just as difficult.

Mum still cries every day and I can't imagine how Nan's even coping. She has her family around her and we're all trying our best. However, I know that inside they're always crying.

I'm just thankful to be part of such a strong, tight-knit family. I'm also thankful to my Mummy for being so wonderful despite it all, and even though she's had her times during the last 8 or so months where its been clear she isn't coping so well, she has still been the backbone to this family - i'm proud of my mother because she's been holding the world on her shoulders and I just can't imagine how she must be feeling.

Just thought I should get that out here...Christmas will still be a nice family time as always, but having one less will never be any easier to come to terms with

Love you Granddad x

 

For what it is worth, I do hope that your family has a lovely Christmas. I know how painful the first Christmas can be without a family member, from my first Christmas without my brother and grandmother in the same year.

I hope that your grandmother has a lovely day, and it is good to know she has her family to surround her the following day. I can't even imagine how painful that would be for her.

 

Thank you, Tor.

 

I'm almost 30 years old and my parents are pissing me off. My father got fired from Gamestop back in April. He's 52. He's never held onto a job for longer than 10 years at a time because he's a jack&$$ who can't obey rules, and irritates everyone who works for him. Sooooo....He gets the grand idea that, since he can't find another job in this area that will pay what he was getting paid, he should open his own video game store.

My parents take no responsibility for anything, neither of them. My mother leaves crap up to my idiot father and then complains he did it wrong, or is shocked when things are done wrong...I just sit there with the "well duh!" on my lips.

So they had good enough credit to get a $130,000 loan to start a business. They opened the day after Thanksgiving. Everything that could go wrong did go wrong. I've been sucked into working for them, because, well I seemed to have been the only one in the family to get a brain. However, they don't heed my advice, because my father has an ego problem and wants to think he knows what is best, when everything he does is utterly stupid, (not just in my opinion, but many other people's too.)

I told them this was a bad idea from the get go. They didn't listen. I told them they needed to spend less on the build out, keep better track of their spending, and save enough capital for inventory. Did they listen? No. Now Christmas is almost here and we don't have enough stock to sell to stay afloat. No advertising has been done, because there is no money for it, and I'm only getting paid for about half the hours I'm actually putting in. No one in my family (my mother, my brother, or my father) know how to sell anything to anyone. My father comes off as if every customer is a pain in his backside, my mother hasn't a clue about the video game industry, and my bother, well he's been a sheltered nerd all his life and has absolutely no social skills to speak of.

I'm at my wits end. This is why families should not go into business, espeically families like mine. I'm really just hoping my hubby can get a job transfer down south, because I really want to move far away from this mess. Each day I am discovering a new level of frustration and irritation that I have no words to describe. I'm about to start making up my own words to describe how stressed/mad/annoyed/peeved...ect that I feel.

I need one really big drink, like those huge fishbowl glasses full of some sort of fruity liquor drink.

 

My grandmother (I used to live with her/ go home to for holidays) slammed a door in my face because she didn't want my little sister to come home.

I hit my head, and fell down an icy staircase (four stairs but still, and I was carrying a suitcase). I got really pissed and called her and f* psychopath. She said she thought I was my mother. I called her a f* liar because she called me by name before she slammed the door. No I shouldn't have cursed at my grandmother but i was just shoved down a stair case.

apparently I'm the villain in the family now. because I'm disabled and I was shoved down an icy stair case.

All my friends /support are 500 miles away and not answering phones. i'm in a lot of pain, and i've been cursed at by multiple people. so yeah, I'm really not happy right now.

 

Aww I'm sorry. That pretty much blows in every way possible. Feel free to vent on here all you like if it makes you feel any better.

 

Rikithasta! that is awful...really sorry to hear that. I know the friends/support being that far away and not in contact is even a new level of "hard"

 

I don't drive, and amtrak/greyhound/jetblue are all sold out so i can't go back home for a few more days. and now i feel guilty whining here, because it's useless. but i forgot my pain meds .i've been in remission for months, so i haven't needed them in months. so now i have to listen to my grandparents and uncle curse me out while i'm in pain.

 

Well of all things, don't feel guilty for saying that on here. You have every right and reason to go off and explode at the world. So don't be guilty, and I hope everything starts getting better soon; I mean come on, you've kind of hit the bottom here. All you can really do is go back up, hopefully soon.

 

i'd like to think that it can't get worse, but things like this have happened in my family before. everyone in the family hates each other, but i'm the favorite scapegoat. when i was an extra off balanced hormonal 16 year old, my uncle didn't invite me to my cousin's birthday party. I didn't even want to go, it was a bunch of five year olds, and it was on my birthday. they started to fight, it lasted six months. it was all my fault that everyone was fighting, and i heard it ever day for six months. I decided to take the knife wrist slitting route. multiple people in the family told me that they hope i die.

luckily i'm over the hormonal phase, and i live with friends 500 miles away. but they're good with holding grudges, and using things like this to start family wars.

 

Well at least your over that awful phase, it never was a viable out ever. I'm sorry you have such a horrible family, but at least you'll be able to get away in a few days or so. So you won't have to deal with it constantly after. I know there's nothing I can say to help, but all I can really give you is my best wishes for life to make a turn around.

Hopefully someone else in the family can take the fall this time.

 

There are some things that words, especially, words being typed at you in a screen can never comfort or change but I will pray for you tonight. That's the best I can offer you.

That is a terrible, terrible thing to hear people telling you to die or something close to that. The truth is you are unique and special. I believe that completely even if I don't know you.